I am forever trapped in writers block. At least I feel that way. I love writing. It is one of the very few mediums, aside from Photography, where I am able to express my thoughts and feelings. However, I have come to realize that I cannot write anymore. I am losing passion in writing.
I used to be the type of writer that wrote for the pleasure of writing. I did not care what was written in my collection of composition notebooks, nor did I care about the technical aspects of the writing. I wrote because it was an escape from reality.
Now I am being told that I cannot write. I have the reading and writing equivalent of a sixth grader. Everything I write is childish and not serious. I am not writing like an adult. I cannot read a 200 page book in 2 hours. Anything that I do read, I have a hard time grasping on to the information. I am an idiot.
I do admit that I am not a great writer, nor an excellent reader. I do have comprehension problems where I end up reading the same paragraph a few times to understand. I also do have trouble with expressing myself in words. I never learned how. And every excuse that I would give ends up being fucking bullshit.
“Amber, you never learned how to read or write because you did not want to learn!”
“It took you 3 months to read that book!!! I did it in 1 week!!!”
“What don’t you understand about the book?!” **my answer** “Seriously Amber!?”
“You write like a child!!! You need to go back to middle school and learn your nouns!”
“I do not understand what you are writing about!”
“Go back to High School and get your GED!”
It is not fun anymore. I do not care if I publish a book or not. I now have to write to prove that I can write something decent. No matter what, I will always be treated like an idiot. I am an idiot by the way.
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