Inspired by the thread talking about love I've found often wondered about it. I'm sure I found it, but I've not always be able to understand the differences between love and lust, devotion and possession.
I've only had a handful of relationships mainly because I'm an introvert and because I spent a number of years in a single relationship. That doesn't upset me, but I sometimes wonder if I'd had more time with the opposite sex I'd be more understanding of who they are.
While I won't go into details about my relationships, one particular relationship makes me shake my head. It was a brief one, barely six months and entirely long-distance to boot. But most of all it was with someone I once hated and now hate even more.
How could I date someone who treated me so badly? How could I date someone who used nearly every dirty trick in the book...a few even before we dated?! How could I have such low-esteem as to think "well if I don't date him I'll have no one in my life"?
What was wrong with me?
Theraphy helped but it didn't give me all the answers I wanted. I guess I might never have those answers. But what I do have is experience. Yes, after the way I was abused by him I have scars. I'm scared. I lack trust; I lack confidence. But what his abuse gave me besides that was a great "gift".
I follow my instincts now.
And so, wiser I'm able to enjoy a great relationship with a loving man (different relationship). We've both had to struggle through the pain, but in the end I know above all that no matter where our path leads, I never need fear him or who he may become.
For sometimes the strongest part of love is friendship.
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