So you're excpecting me to write something interesting. I've got about two seconds to hold your attention. You're about to scroll on, DON'T SCROLL, I want the attention, I need the attention. Us writers are so insecure we need constant gratification. Tell me i'm brilliant, tell me i'm the best writer ever, tell me i'm original.
But what if I don't have anything interesting to say? What if I've been sitting at my computer all day? I could tell you about the weather, but that's been done before. Okay so there's this guy, right, and he's like really brooding, and there's something mysterious about him, he's like walking and there's this mist, and he's just like, walking with his head down.
But i'm not going to tell you what happens yet because that's the way this story goes, I only reveal snippets at a time. I must build some tension, some conflicts! But i'm feeling so indecisive! Will I have him engage in a formal discussion with some other broody character? Is someone about to die? Is there some omnipresent force threatening our way of life? Oh the possibilities!
In the end what's going to happen? Not much, really. Just a lot words. I think i'm the first writer who can write a whole book and not really describe anything. That has to be some kind of achievement, right?
Oh but I'm as mysterious as my main character! Imagine having a main character who reflects all the things that you are and want to be? I'll be different, then.
Right, so i'll write this main character and I swear i'm going to have him drenched in realism. It's going to be like, so realistic. I'll have him sitting at his computer, right? And he's gonna be just like, sitting at his computer all day long, and he's just gonna be writing, and writing, like there's no tomorrow.
No wait, I can't use that phrase. Because it's such a CLICHE. I can't use a cliche in my writing, no one will ever read it!
So he's like sitting at his computer then, and he's writing, not like there's no tomorrow, but just casually, just relaxed, you know? Like he's got something important to say.
But then the writer stops. He realises he's writing in the third person, which is kinda good because then that means that he's not self-obsessed (you don't want to seem self-obsessed, that would be ridiculous)
So he stops right? And he looks around himself and in a moment of great honesty, he doesn't write again because he realises he's out of ideas.
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