My last resort.

Writing is my last resort. I have failed at everything else. I want to leave something worthwhile behind in print before I die. You know all those childhood memories? Like Orson Welles in Citizen Kane, remembering his cherished sleigh. I feel like I have a huge catalogue of nostalgic objects and events that made my life unique. The sixtees mainly as I remember those vinyl LP covers, scalectric model racetracks, slug guns, Enid Blyton adventure stories, getting bitten by my dog, stepping on thorns, getting hit by teachers almost daily, dangerous fireworks, playing cricket for hours in summer, walking into my neighbour's house without knocking.

Society wanted me to be an adult sooner or later but I haven't quite measured up. Started and quit numerous jobs. I think deep down, I've missed childhood. I like to daydream instead of dealing with awkward confrontations that require assertiveness. My maturity and courage are not as high as they should be.I haven't managed to harness that daydreaming ability into writing though. That's they key and I envy writers who have managed it.
I think I am funny. People have told me so. One employer wrote it on a reference. I guess this was to make up for lack of other talent, skills or achievements. All you have to be funny is to laugh at yourself, not others. Look at how seriously I'm taking myself! Writing this blog and thinking it is the beginning of some huge step into the professional writing world! Daydreaming already!See the contradictions in your own thinking, your own decisions. Lack of self-awareness like Gervais' David Brent. Taking life so seriously. My fear is that I will be homeless one day. And you know what came to mind first? That I might struggle with gingivitis from lack of toothbrushing! That would be the least of my problems! See how pathetic our minds are? It is high time I had control of mine, by the way. It has been calling the shots for too long!