I knew my enemy better than anyone else. I had no choice. No telling what she might do otherwise. We might be driving, and I would see her eyeing that tree, and I could tell she was wondering what would happen if she crashed into it accidentally on purpose, but she could see that I could tell, and therefore wouldn't dare.
Other times I knew she was tempted to just keep driving, going anywhere but our designated destination, just keep on going and never coming back. The main problem with that brilliant plan of course was that I was right there in the car with her, so she could not escape me that way. I marveled, how such an intelligent woman could be so stupid. Work. We were going to work.
Once she threatened to slash my wrists. You do that and your kids are going to get hurt. You understand? Do you understand?! I repeated. Comprehension dawned in her eyes. Fear. Good, she should be afraid. Mutually assured destruction. Not worth it. I breathed a sigh of relief. At least logic could still get through to her.
At work we discussed our complete lack of options. Every choice was a bad one. And it was not going to get any better. That's the crap we had to work with in a nutshell.
Next day she refused to go in. Claimed she was too tired, needed a day of rest, staying in bed. She was always too tired, and always talking about it. I was tired of hearing the same old bull, so I gave in. One day, no more. She demanded solitary confinement in her bedroom. Should have known better. I couldn't allow that. There was no telling what she would do. So we lay there on the bed. I started reminding her of all the mistakes she had made yesterday, all the mistakes she had ever made. As a perfectionist, why shouldn't everyone else hold her by the same high standards? How someone that imperfect could be a perfectionist though, I would never understand.
She said she wanted to nap, and would I shut up already. Language. Don't talk to me like that! How do you ever expect me to treat you better if you disrespect me like that? She didn't have a satisfactory answer for that. She never did.
Fine. No rest then. Might as well get up. Go to the bathroom. The hairs that mattered had turned grey. I looked at my enemy in the mirror. And I did not like who I saw at all. That's when I realized I had to change.
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