Odd Feelings

By Speedy · Sep 11, 2009 · 628 · 7
  1. Well tomorrow or the day after im going to the doctors to tell them about how i have been feelings. Im not sure how long it takes, but i'm going to Anti-depressantway (though previously no a fan of the idea until lately).

    Im kind of scared. I mean doctors come across this daily but i actualy feel relly sick deep inside and an *sigh* depressed.... but i just dont know how to say it to the doctor. i mean have the signs, trying to throwaway my girlfriend of 10 years, telling my family to get lost and sitting in the bath cutting my arms, punching walls, breaking mobile phones and everything else thats mine but as much as talking doesnt bother me, its just the first sentence when the doctor asks, so why are you here that bothers me. I just fear saying to him or her "Im dperessed" without thinking what they are thinking (I mean i dont care but id rather stay in my room all weekend than be judge "Oh he thinks his depressed" for that awkward period

    The gitlfriend wants to come with me, i would like that but i've told her to stay at home.

    If i take this route i wonder how i will feel in a week. I wonder if unlike now i will feel anything or if i will still feel nothing, but i can cope a little either.

    I feel excited, if i felt something.

    I hate doctors and getting on my knees, but F#@! it.

    Updates later.

Comments

Sort Comments:

Sort Comments By

  1. Rumpole40k
    Good luck and keeping you in my prayers Speedy.
    Rumpole40k, Sep 11, 2009
  2. Torana
    Speedy, the first few steps you have already taken. Admitting to yourself you have depression, admitting it to others, and wanting to get better. They can honestly be some of the hardest steps to ever take.

    I hope that all goes well when you visit the doctors and that you are able to get the help you need and want.

    If you ever need anyone to talk to, I'm only a message away.

    Good luck and know you are in my thoughts.
    Torana, Sep 11, 2009
  3. Ashleigh
    Speedy, try and go down the councilling/re-adjustment road. Don't just go for pills - Doctors hand them out like candy for all kinds of reasons and they do nothing but make you sleep through it all, 9 times out of 10.

    I think you just need to get a clearer head and take some time out to recouperate. I don't think medication ever really solves people's problems - it's just a lazy method for both patient and doctor.

    However, I think you would benefit from the Doc's advice..even if he/she probably does try and prescribe you anti-depressents and then send you on your way.

    Push for better quality help, you deserve it.

    I hope you start feeling better soon x
    Ashleigh, Sep 11, 2009
  4. becca
    *hugs* Always here for you man. But you already know that.

    The Dr will be able to help, I know it's frustrating to not have any control over how you feel. I have come a long way in the last 6 months! I could tell what my Dr did helped me in the first month.

    I know it's not the same situation, but I really do think you have a chemical imbalance or something. Mostly that is what depression usually branches from.

    Praying for you.

    Hope the snail mail helps. If you aren't amused by it, just keep in mind that someone on the other side of the world thinks enough about you to take the time to send you something to try and make you laugh. :)
    becca, Sep 11, 2009
  5. CDRW
    Good luck. It's good to know that depression hasn't also brought on enough apathay to keep you from getting help. We're thinking of you.
    CDRW, Sep 11, 2009
  6. Speedy
    Thanks for all the support snd advice, i really cant put into words hoe it mkakes me feel. Nice i guess.

    Ash, i couldnt gree more. I feel the same way. The truth is though i just want nothingneess, even if its sleep. I ask myself do i really want to help myself , and the answer is no, I dont like mysef or care slightly, im not to vain and want something even if its for a while.

    Lazy and ****ing dumb, i know. And i do plan to talk to someone if i plan to make that step, trust me.

    saw a doctor today and i'll have to wait until tuesday to pick them up. (Prozac and illicyn or whatever its called).

    it's going to be a ****ed up few days, i have no reason to but im so fed up, already smashed my coffee cup and stained the wall, not good considering we have a house spec this week. Smoked 4 packets 0f smokes in the last two days.

    I'm stting here rght now, thinking why the hell not just use my arm as an ashtray, would it really matter.

    To be honest i dont even know why im puttiing all this on here. I'm not trying to burdon thisd plsce or put pity on myself. Myaybe i just want to so i can remember or maybe if others are feeling **** that they are not the only ones.

    *sigh*

    Something that did make me lqugh was peoples opinion, like my girlfriend who thinks i maqy be depressed because of late nights or what i eat, or even the weather.

    Yeah, im sure t is, considering i havent changed anything in such a long time.

    Oh, and after selling some tickets that im not not going to i made a quick $2,000, breaking a little over which is freaky that i had sent that much, Frek me.

    I'll place it somewhere for where i can "talk" to someone who pays, cause the people the doctor offered would have cost me the price of the blood i'd like to spill.

    Anyway i'll go, oh and bec, i
    ll see your snail mail today, i
    'll probaby cry, thats good though.

    Love SPeedy.
    Speedy, Sep 13, 2009
  7. Torana
    Speedy, I've been down that dark road and found the end was a bottomless pit that I couldn't escape from. But please know, no matter how deep you fall into that pit and how dark and cold it gets, you have a lot of people who are here holding our hands out and ready to help you find your way slowly to the top, when you feel you are ready.

    I'm glad that you are able to get this off your chest. It does help. Not enough to really notice at first, but it does help.

    Try and take care of yourself, Speedy.

    Big hugs to you
    Sherie
    Torana, Sep 13, 2009
To make a comment simply sign up and become a member!
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Accept Learn More...
    Dismiss Notice