Once More and Do you Know? (Poems)

By suhailp · Apr 6, 2012 · ·
  1. Hey guys, been writing on my lonesome for a while now, and havnt been showing it to anyone. The reason for this is I thought I'd take a little more time to hone my craft, but obviously my inquisitive nature has brought me back here, for I would like to know what you guys, namely, me peers that is, think of some stuff I've been writing recently. While I'm not looking for a critique, I would like to know what you think they mean, and whether you like them or not. Thanks in advance, I hope you guys enjoy.

    ONCE MORE:
    Yeh I know whats wrong, i know i can't keep going on.

    Yeh I know ive done it before, I've fucked up again im sure.
    Fool me once, shame on you.
    Fool me twice, I roll the dice,
    Once more;
    Me and her like an endless war,
    Who the hell's keeping score?
    Thrice, I think?
    I need to sink, shut the door;
    but still I throw the dice, till my heart is cold as ice.
    This cursed vice,
    me and melancholy like wood in a vice-
    squeezing tighter and tighter, pressing closer and closer,
    Each and every fiber,
    breaking at the britches, unraveling at the stitches.
    Twice, thrice,
    Once more;
    I cant take it anymore,
    how she entices me, and i advance on her,
    like vermin, stomped on mice.
    A firefly whirling perilously around an enchanting fire-
    It seems i never tire, stuck in this hopeless mire.
    I try to tame, that crimson flame,
    which burns inside me,
    Divides me,
    Presides over me.
    Keep it from showing, the darkness within;
    Keep them from knowing, this silent suffering.
    But I cannot pretend, or defend myself,
    Herself;
    Once more,
    She calls out to me, taken by this alluring apathy.
    In but a trice, spliced on my mind,
    i need to unwind, sink below,
    into that hallowed grotto,
    where none can follow,
    swallow,
    take it down,
    keep on smiling,
    Once more, Mr Sad Clown.

    DO YOU KNOW?
    Do you know?
    Do you hear the sounds that loft up from afar?
    Floating here on an empty spec of dust,
    the light that travels from those distant stars,
    to bear witness to this instance.
    These fragments of moments I try to write down,
    capture in these words,
    in language created by man, who once roamed these lands,
    with great herds of wild beasts, until we emerged from beneath,
    those unkempt cannopies,
    deshevilled remenants of prehistory.
    Back where her great majesty still grew untamed,
    back when these lands were still unnamed.
    Wanderers floating along the great green seas,
    traversing the un-comprehendable vastness.
    Secrets of moments past lost in that great abyss,
    The boundless cosmos-
    its furthest extremities unbeknowst to me.
    The creatures of the heavens, that shine their light down below.
    So many incarnations,
    Reincarnations,
    Incantations written in rhyming verse;
    to ease this weary traveller,
    in each and every stanza,
    I find the truth in these moments,
    in that great expanse;
    Here I am,
    living, breathing, feeling,
    knowing what is to be alive,
    be free of my subconcious mind,
    and embrace all of nature and its beauty;
    The tall oak tree's,
    The bumbling bee's and babbling brook,
    the gracefull giraffe and galloping gazelle,
    the sweeping tundra, seeping under,
    great stone castles that tear the skies asunder.
    the crackling of thunder,
    deep below I plunder to hear,
    those sounds from afar,
    hidden in the distant past.
    These fragments of you and me,
    to never be known and lost in history.

Comments

  1. Z. C. Bolger
    Love to hear it put to a beat man. Keep on keepin' on.

    Z
  2. suhailp
    Thanks Z, means alot just to have a few words of encouragement. Appreciated dude.
  3. zorbis
    I do not know your thesis. What are you trying to say? Rhyme is not that important.
    I do not intend to be mean but please read romantic poetry..read Steinbeck, Frost. Before you lay pencil to paper ask what you are trying to convey? Write nothing that does not fit these parameters."My love waits for me; on a soft summers night she sits beneath the yellow moon and wonders where I am. I, a thousand miles away, send my love wafting through the cruel winter to lovingly drop on her lips." More reading..reading..etc..
  4. suhailp
    The first poem is about the addictive tendency of sweet melancholy. More precisely, how one is inclined to seek out women who are inherently wrong for them, but deep inside almost knowingly do so, and enjoy the wallowing in self pity for some twisted reasons. It's not actually a romantic poem, nor is it about a woman in particular. I tried to use her as metaphor for sadness itself, that deep rooted self destructive tendency, that "alluring apathy". Sorry if it didn't come across that well, I'm not actually that well read, and I just write for fun mostly.

    The second, is about the ancestry of humanity, life before civilized society. I guess poems about anthropology are not very common.

    I know they both rhyme, along with most of my writing. And I'm aware that this is somewhat frowned upon nowadays in poetry. I guess it's just the way I like to write, and I can assure you I have a definite idea of what I'm writing about before I put pen to paper. Actually, the fact that you should mention that, reminds me of another poem I wrote recently about the process of writing and reciting poetry itself.

    LINES ON PAPER
    The days, they come and go.
    Fleeting moments, crumbling fragments.
    This ink, this pen,
    this paper that wavers before me,
    glowing a captivating velvet white.

    Captured forever, enraptured whenever,
    I should look upon these lines on paper,
    Sorrow my friend and misery my neighbour,
    between these gentle oscillations,
    lost in these breathing chords,
    sounds and silent thirds,
    life in those tangible words.

    Yes life... it comes and goes,

    words, to be thought and lost.
    moments accrued, wisdom acquired,
    prophetic in verse, stoic in nature,
    to these lofty heights I aspire.

    Hopefully that gives you more of an idea of my thesis. I'm sorry these poems didn't appeal to you Zorbis. I'll try and read more poetry, it's about time I did as well. Do you have any other recommendations?
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