ONLY FOR THE NIGHT
Another day creeps up on me.
I awake to the gentle sounds that loft up from far below,
soaring high up into these stone built canopies,
to here besides me where rests a stranger.
Her face appears from the darkness, as the light surrounds her,
Seeping through the curtains, flooding the room in a warm orange hue.
Whisperings of life echo from the garden, and soon the day shall begin anew.
Here I lay here awake,
falling into that deep abyss from whence I cannot escape.
I try to recollect those events that transpired the night before.
Fragments of moments bubble and spill over in quiet whispers spoken inside,
Unfurling in my mind,
as I try to unwind and sink below to find those lost memories.
Where am I? Who is she?
What was her name?
A wave of anxiety washes over me,
from whence I submerge into this silent apathy.
Those blurry remnants now accumulated,
the events of the night now reincarnated,
Between these few cubic centimetres.
Sweat dripping, bodies heaving; teaming masses stirring in the darkness.
Under the flickering of neon lights and those enchanting eyes that cast their light far down below,
into this hallowed grotto where none but us two can follow,
to bear witness to this instance.
I look at her;
that beastly desire swells up once again within of me.
Our bodies gently rise and fall in these peaks and troughs.
The humming of the bedside fan,
The ticking of the dusty clock that hangs on the empty walls –
Cascading ripples of sound in the dimly lit motionless room.
A thick blue duvet covers us,
here where we huddle together in the covers of darkness,
Here where we lay sheltered briefly from dismaying reality.
For these few brief moments, we remain wrapped in this apperceived fabrication of sensuality.
Yet as that surging feeling subsides,
clarity enshrouds me –
Those memories come flooding back and my thoughts scatter like shimmers of the moon.
I try to grasp them but they run through my fingers, and back into that deep empty stillness.
In my mind I see the images –
these moments of time now forever ingrained in this thinking mind.
I see her across the room.
Wide eyed blue emeralds stare back at me, I feel myself becoming lost in them.
The words she speaks fade into the background,
and my eyes inspect every facet of her pale delicate face.
Her plump red lips move so very gracefully as those gentle oscillations continued to pour from her mouth.
Her slim figure is draped in a long flowing crimson red dress, which flutters in her every subtle movement.
Her wide hips, her thick scarlet lips and slender appendages that touch me so softly,
embrace me so lovingly,
Captivate me in this misty haze of ecstasy.
It seems I could not help but be enchanted,
enthralled by her every word.
The folds and curves of her body scream fertility, and so I readily listen to her,
take her in my hands and lead her outside.
Yet I could not shake the feeling that perhaps danger lurks in wait,
under this seemingly innocent surface.
We arrive at mine,
she looks at me and I know –
That game she thinks we’re playing, all those subtle signs she keeps conveying.
But I know, I see her ways,
those ways that women have control.
But into their dreams I have seen many moons ago,
when once foolishly I tried to take a mere slice of my own,
But plundered far down below, into darkened recesses of the soul.
Here is where lays the desires of men,
Hidden from view,
and now bidden unto those few who choose to act without restraint,
Those few who dare not abstain from the darkness;
that primitive desire which lays dormant.
I roll the note tight,
Close my eyes to block my sight, and partake again of those forbidden fruits.
And with that powdered remedy, come’s this deceitful empathy;
Happiness with chemistry.
With it she readily takes me by the hand –
These best laid plans of mice and men that often go askew.
I grasp her tightly by the wrist,
and lead her into the room of a stranger,
where I confine her, and I gently incline her.
Here we lay intertwined together under the covers of darkness –
fervently caressing and touching,
seeping into one another;
in this seemingly tender embrace of lovers.
She incites me, invites me to delve further still.
Those words of manipulation, these actions of deception,
begin to reveal their prevailing potency.
Congesting her mind with carnal lust,
stroking her voluptuous curves, her shimmering blonde hair;
Whispering tenderly into her ear; I know exactly what she wants to hear.
Yet when the moment comes,
for us consummate this union, procreate in unholy matrimony;
I hesitate to instigate the final act.
I withhold that beastly desire,
for my inhibitions conflict in me, and restrict me from defiling her innocence,
in this moment of weakness,
My mind lost in these sweltering thoughts.
Creeping through the hide amongst cracks of the wall,
Seeping through I see them fall,
the shawl of reality, the thread of causality
I follow far off into the distance.
I will hurt her,
I will reject her,
I will most assuredly neglect her.
I will refrain from her advances, I will retain those prolonged glances,
from across the room,
where we once kissed so tenderly in the silver light of the moon.
And so I refrain, and hold her gently, embrace her tenderly;
hold her lovingly in the yellow callow daylight,
until she fades away into that slumber from which she cannot awake.
I wait patiently and unmovingly, until she opens her eyes unexpectedly,
and gazes unto me, still confused in lethargy, but still smiles and kisses me tenderly.
We share a few brief words of kindness, one last kiss of tenderness by the door;
but then we part our separate ways, never to meet for the rest of our days.
I find myself left wondering,
will she even remember my name?
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