Paranormal Activity Two, Bimbos And Flying Babies

Published by Ashleigh in the blog Ashleigh's blog. Views: 105

Pasted from my external blog.

The other night my darling boyfriend took me out on one of our awesomely customary dinner and film dates. I got to see a scary movie (or was it? We’ll get to that in a moment) and chomp on deliciously spicey, snot-enducing spaghetti and prawns and strolled hand-in-hand through the darkened, moonlight streets of Southend. It was lovely, as ever.

So don’t go thinking that the bitch-bomb I’m about to drop in regards to my cinema experience ruined my night in any fashion; I just like to rant, that’s all. I’ll begin by briefly mentioning that Paranormal Activity 2, whilst being quite a clever sequal, lacked in the same way the first did. It was long, boring and repeatitive, barring a couple of genuinely scary moments. These moments, however, were only really scary because of the sheer volume of the screams and BANG! noises, which aren’t very original for such highly acclaimed horror films. Matthew aptly named one of these events ‘The Great Kitchen Sneeze’, whereby our leading lady is scared out of her slacks by all the cupboards and doors bursting open in one great calamity, whilst she’s supping a coffee and nose-deep in Marie Claire. This scene was quite clever, I thought, and did make me crush Matt’s dear little hand to oblivion.

However, I saw it as more of a tribute to Shyamalan’s The Sixth Sense, when Col is amidst the same spooky occurrance in his own kitchen. A little subtler on the creepy scale than PA2, I have to say; PA2′s version was jumpy, as were many scenes towards the climax, but it lacked that skin-slithering gruesomeness that every good horror film should have. This was a movie that, rather than filling you with dread and really screwing with your mind, it did the ol’ clap in your face thing. The director might aswell have popped out of the breadbin and said ‘HAH! You blinked!’.

Yeah, big deal? My dog’s scared of fireworks, clapping, and balloons for that very same reason; even she would’ve said this technique was average. In one of the less-jumpy scenes, where the baby-born doll toddler appears to slide from his cot by the hands of some invisible demon, the crowd actually started laughing. Yes, I know it’s difficult to make this stuff look real, and I know you’re trying to create suspense – but we all know there were strings attached. This isn’t the silent film era – give us more to chew on, I thought.

So anyway, I have a question for you guys. Why do the Paranormal activity films attract cluster upon cluster of Cheryl-obsessed, bleach-doused bimbos? Don’t get me wrong, it’s not their image that bothers me the most; I’ve been looking like a cross between Little My and Snuffkin from The Moomins all year and gotten away with it. It’s those loud, obnoxious, irritating voices that come in those packages! Every bump, jolt and scare in this film made every girl wearing Uggs shriek like they’ve just spotted Will-I-Am in the rows in front of them, and that’s not all. They then proceeded to laugh about how awfully frightened and dainty they are, before having a not-so-intellectual discussion about what just happened. Loudly.

All the while the film is rolling, my teeth are grinding, and we all die a little more inside. If I had a tank of petrol and some matches, I’m not sure who I’d rather cast ablaze first – them or me. I daresay they’re more flammable with all that cotton wool padding out their heads, you know; where their f/cking brain should be.

Bugger me, is it the 25th already? I have two dvds to review. What’s that popular, appropriate saying? F/ck my life?
  • Eoz Eanj
  • Islander
You need to be logged in to comment