okay firstly my real name is tino and he is dead, metaphorically. anyway this past few weeks i have felt my personality change alot. i used to be this reserved guy who enjoyed life and just went about his business but now i cant see anything positive about this world. think of me as an wodden scaffold that has been weakened by the rain of lies and the rot of distrust. people keep piling up on top of me until about a week ago i snapped...and went nuclear. all of a sudden ive become this pessimistic evil grin dude. i cannot see the benefit in any situation anymore. my optimism was crushed by all the bad things that keep happening to me.
recently a close friend of mine died of cancer and that was unbearably painful, my personal life is a shambles, my landlord has issued me an eviction notice that i should get out because i questioned the water bill and to make it worse i am not writing. i am so bemused by the situation that sometimes i just laugh at myself and really lose it. all sanity goes flying out the window and i become paranoid. i dont know maybe it's just rotten luck...a small part of me wants to believe that this is all going to be over soon but the large part of me says f**k it nothing's going change. and the worst thing is i feel like i deserve it.
ive discovered a side of me which i have never known and it kinda feels like i died
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