Things are looking up in my life it seems as I'm going back to University in February to finish my law degree, and I have a gentlemans agreemant (of sorts) with my employer to work up until Christmas. So chuffed
In a way it was good to dislodge my arse from the lazy seat and get up and do something. Much of the summer was spent lying around and writing, and thinking about life, and about where I was going, and I suppose that had its benefits as well as its downsides. After all, there's only so much you can philosophise about your social awkwardness/quirkiness before you start getting depressed, and actually compounding the annoying traits you see in yourself.
I was going, and still am (sort of) going through a phase of drinking lots of alcohol and taking drugs and just generally being a bit mad for a while, so that it's easy to lose sight of things. But some mornings I'd be lying in my bed thinking about every possible outcome my activities might precipitate, and I always feel as if I'm in control. When I get dragged into a moral debate with my sister's fiancee about drugs and he tells me I'm going to end up like something out of trainspotting, I feel like gripping him and telling him I know what I'm doing.
I have this inner confidence that I'll make something of myself, but sometimes I just wish others would feel the sheer force of this self-assurance that lies deep within me, despite the apparent shakiness on the surface.
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