Rejected Haiku

By Sabih Omar · Jul 11, 2009 · ·
  1. This has been freshly rejected by Heron's Nest...ah...but I loved it :(

    morning smoke
    another grandpa
    spins a yarn

    I tried the unconventional 3-5-3 style. But I guess the main problem is that the first line is somewhat vague. What do I mean by morning smoke? I am referring to tobacco smoke, but that should be more clear, for the main beauty of haiku is clarity.

Comments

  1. SnipSnap
    This haiku does not create for me the great and beautiful images as those 3 haiku you posted in the poetry forum. Perhaps you should submit something along the lines of one of those three to a magazine?
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