Somedays, I am jealous.

By Eoz Eanj · Apr 5, 2010 · 466 · 3
  1. My friend's can go out and do whatever they like, whenever they like and I have to stay at home. They can go out clubbing, they can spend all day out with their friends, they can go drinking, they can spend as long as they like at university, they can visit and stay with their boyfriend's whenever they desire,they can disappear, they can re appear, no consequence, no concern.

    I'm sure there are 20 year old's out there who have to look after many children, who're far, far worse off than I am, I acknowledge that, but unfortunately it doesn't make it easier for me to accept that for the next year and a half, I have to be at home 6-7 days and nights a week because I have a house and a minor to take care of.

    I guess I feel like a prisoner, and yeah, whatever, call me a whiny, unappreciative cow, but this is all making me tired, really tired. It's cool though, I'll have a cry and get over it, and start my week with the same predictable pattern as usual.

    The end, let's all go home.

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  1. Neha
    *hugs*

    It's totally all right to rant. You wouldn't be human if you don't. But you're a strong person and you will come through. Keep the end firmly in your sights. After all, isn't it said? The end is just another beginning? It's not fair on you, and I don't know what you're going through, but I sympathise and admire you for what you're doing. If I had been in your position, I don't think I would have been capable enough to do the same.
    Neha, Apr 5, 2010
  2. losthawken
    Just know you're not alone in feeling that way. ;)

    I've got two kids and a wife at home, I haven't been out to a movie since Transformers II came out (I'm really really bummed that I missed seeing Avatar in 3D :( ), and I haven't gone out 'with the guys' since I can remember.

    But you know what? Its worth it. When my kids smile and give me a hug when I walk through the door. or my two year old son tries to convince me "You don't have to go to work today, we can run in circles on the grass" I know that there is nothing I wouldn't sacrifice for them.

    The grass is always greener, and it is very VERY HARD to get your needs met when you have kids at home. But in the long run, having a healthy happy home will create a foundation for you that will see you through any struggle and negate any need for addictive, destructive coping skills.

    Creativity is my ally in trying to get my needs met. Its all about making opportunities, sometimes in unconventional ways. :)

    I applaud you for making sacrifices on behalf of others. You're doing a great thing, and something a lot of others wouldn't even try.
    losthawken, Apr 6, 2010
  3. Torana
    Awww sweety! I wish I was able to help you out, be there so you could go spend a few days out with your mates and enjoy yourself and not have to worry about your brother. It can not be easy for you.

    When I turned 20, I had my first child, so I can understand what you are feeling to a degree. Though it was my choice to have that child, you haven't really had the choice.

    I know right now things are tough for you and it can be horrid not being able to live your life the way your friends are, but honestly, you are a much better person than they are. You are a strong young woman raising her brother and running a household. You are doing something most of these youngsters have no idea how to do and when you have your own little family later in life (If you choose to), you will have already gained half of the required skills you are going to need.

    I know many people in their mid twenties who have lived at home all this time and still don't know what it is to pay their own bills, cook their meals, take care of themselves, and here you are at the age of 20, taking care of your family home and raising a teenager! Be proud of yourself, because it ain't an easy task!

    Don't feel bad for feeling this way though, you have every right to feel like this and worse. This is a very difficult time in your life and you are doing it tough. But just know we are all here for you and we all care about you and what is going on in your life.

    I can't offer you a solution, but I can offer my support. Time will pass darlen, and soon, you will be able to go out. But you will be going out with a whole new knowledge and be more careful than most young women out there, because you WILL know what it is like to run a household and will know if that is a path you are going to want to take or not.

    Lots of love and hugs to you.
    Torana, Apr 7, 2010
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