Something I can share...

Why did you read this? (by the way. This may be confusing so good luck...)

I sometimes write in such a way that people don't understand a thing. I don't know why? I guess we are all different, obviously...

Today, This day ? Is it even today? I don't know... Only thing I do know, is to feel disconnected.(Yet again by this I mean, to be distant since nothing seem to be 'cool' any more, not 'cool' as in: "Your cool because your smoking." 'cool' as in good, or actually enjoyable.)

I know each and everyone have problems, I almost wanted to say had. But hahaha like that will ever be true, You Will Have Problems Every day for the rest of your life! What makes it different from others is the way you handle them I guess... I could be wrong, I could be right.(Who cares...)
And most of all is your problems are unique to you, and only you.

Most things in life go around yourself anyway.

(I just had one of those random thoughts where you seem to lose grasp on what you actually wanted to say, but for some reason you drift off so far that nothing really makes any sense any more.)

Well let me share that thought for the sake of it (making a 5-10min thought into a few lines). Last night I watched an episode on pulsars and quasars quite interesting. And from that thought I jumped to the size of the universe, then from that I jumped to wtf is all of this, is it real? What are you doing here, what are... And this is where I stopped myself since I have been there many times... They are questions that will stay un-answered till something comes along and explains it all. (Can't wait for that day)

Another note on me. I'm one of those that 'imagine' constantly, so if I have a conversion with someone I imagine most of the things very graphical, like if the person describes a moment of his/her life or a event or something that happened, I would imagine myself in the exact same scenario(I usually avoid the sick parts). Another way would be something like, say I know that I will speak to someone or I can see that someone is about to speak to me. I will have 10+ ways already worked out within. Sometimes I don't even see the need to speak to someone since the outcome I had in mind got either boring or its always the same thing. Sometimes I can predict the whole conversation which makes it nice, so in that time I can think about other stuff while I'm having a conversation. (Which is messed up)

Like my mother always said I'm emotionless, If someone speaks to me or asks me hows your day, I would usually say its good. I don't care about his day or her day because it doesn't affect me. Does this make me the bad guy?

Looking into the eyes of oneself may open a vision of inbound truth to real existence, but surely grasps the fact that reality is nothing more than a memory.
(Now this is the shit I write... Reading it opened up another way of looking at it, but I still know the first reason I wrote it and the exact emotion I felt.)

I think most of the things I feel see or do, is affected by my past... ? I don't know.. Maybe I'm just weird...

I tend to go into way to much detail, I tend to analyse to much, I find reason in things with no reason... That doesn't even make real sense.. since everything has reason... well whatever...

A dream I had.. And in the dream I had some 'spiritual' happenings (God) and I had some texts from the Bible. I also heard voices. Okay so within the dream I remember reading the text about 2 lines almost 3 maybe, and soon after I completed the sentences I realised I was reading out of the Bible, and then I realised I was dreaming. So after all this in the dream I thought maybe I should remember all of this, but it was to late it blurred away, the only thing I could remember was the 'effects' my body felt and the voice. After that still within the dream I remember after the Bible reading part, I was standing in our main entrance, in the doorway. I stood there for sometime, and then again I realised I was in a dream as if it was another dream like a skip between memories of some sort. I walked from the one side which is from our door across the hallway to a door on the other side of the building, there stairs are found to go down or up. (Its a 3 story building, and each hallway is quite long, and the one side is open so you can look down or wherever) Okay so I walked from the one side to the other and when I reached the end it went dark. I closed my eyes saying this is only a dream you can wake up now. I opened my eyes, again I stood at the same spot as before. This time I walked half way and I turned to look down and noticed the guy that lives above us was crying out for help, he somehow managed to drive his car up the bottom hallway, which is about 2 normal stairs in height, its do-able but he drives a uno... Which made it weird.

After all that shit I woke up. random dream... I actually had a reason why I told who ever reading this, about the dream. Now before I wrote it I thought it may offend the person I told this to, because what they said about my dream made me think, in what way or how did 'he/she' get what they said to me, from this dream since they don't really know what's really going on in my life. Confusing... What I'm trying to say is, the interpretation they gave me sounded silly. Because they don't know what's really going on, and it doesn't make any sense for what they said.

By that being "You should spend more time in church, God wants to speak to you, and here(at home) since I never go to church, He's not capable of doing anything more, your soul needs 'active' 'food'. Ok now that being said since I didn't want to say it because I thought it may start something bad, or whatever.. I don't care actually...

I think its just weird... so many reasons I can't explain now. I think I miss lead them to much in a way... Because I tend to only share a small bit of info. Never the whole story because it would take way to long to explain... Nothing is simple with me, well unless its simple...

And by that people around me take it up wrong, well its obviously caused by me most of the time, for not giving all the information just parts of it, but they tend to jump to 'conclusions' to fast they never take time to think things through, okay maybe if I gave them all the info they would think differently about what they say, but I do it not even noticing that I did it. I would tell someone about something not to play around or to fool them I just tell them what I think or felt. I guess I'm always way to busy thinking that I don't see reason to explain everything, since I think they won't understand because they never do. And yea I tried many times explaining the whole f**king story, and guess what they said. " Man you need to chill, Man you are weird you go into to much detail, Dude your freaking me out, Man you have problems, You should see someone..." Really? Still think its needed to explain myself, O and the best one I got from someone "You are possessed.... O f**k me silly really? you think... NO I'm not! I'm just me, I'm deep I analyse and I think differently, constantly...

# A random thing I did once... This doesn't really go well with what I said before, but this is one # way to show how most people think. Well those around me.

I played with 'his/her' mind once (not in a bad way just to see), what I did was a basic thing I call, well I don't have a name for it. I told 'him, her' something and they agreed on it, as in " yes I like that, its a good thing you know...." then after a while I turned the story, making 'him, her' say that "Its not a good thing any more, they don't like it" now you get the idea. Its one of those that agree on whatever they are told. The person I told the dream to is not like that but sometimes a little... Mostly because he,she is influenced by all the good "Christian". So you can imagine how quickly they jump to something when you tell them stuff like that... They live of it...

I may sound evil... or not don't really care...
Just sharing some random thoughts...

#> These down here are things I write, mostly about my current mental state or some random emotion or feeling I felt, or just random...

# Sometime back
If divinity proclaim my mind, what shall I do when The fear seeks the body, to claim a state of mental wonder, with vivid illusions of the hate we seek to avoid...

# Another
a 'Marionette' I have become, for my manipulator is still unknown, I seek the truth about the bounds I have, claiming my mind for the use of things I see no light too... A dark string of pain winding around my heart, suffocating the life I once lived... May this turn to good? for I shall live to the end; Or to bad for nothing worst... Just to say that nothing here is the way it should be...