At my new school, they have a new system for reviewing teachers that is quite involved, and rather intimidating. Apparently this is the first year in which they have done this, and the goal is to measure effectiveness of teachers and reward them accordingly since the salary scale only addresses education level and years served.
Yeah, I get it. Just 'cause a teacher has a degree doesn't necessarily make them any good in the classroom.
However, I sometimes feel such a heavy weight of responsibility as a teacher--I need to plan every lesson minutely, come up with new and engaging ways to teach students, get to know them as individuals, keep accurate attendance, grades, curriculum documents, post information online for parents and students to view, do all of the other grading paperwork, decorate my classroom, and still find time to attend afterschool activities. Now that I have some years of experience under my belt, it's not nearly as much as it used to be.
I wish I just knew why I beat myself up so much each time I make a mistake somewhere. I admit them, adjust and move on, which I guess all of us do. None of us are perfect. But I tend to set such high expectations for myself. Then when a rubric evaluation and classroom observations happen, I'm so nervous and terrified that I won't be at my best or that something will happen that will make me look ridiculously stupid and rookie.
In this particular case, we're supposed to produce artifacts proving that we know what we're doing. I'm determined to blow them all away. I've created a blog and I've posted all kinds of things--powerpoint presentations, PREZIs, Youtube videos and worksheets I use, student-created video projects, curriculum documents, my teaching certificates and all manner of things. I don't mind doing it so much because I'm basically transferring my portfolio into blog form. I can always organize it better later.
I just wish that, after all that work, the whole observation didn't have to happen and that I didn't have to have meetings to discuss my "goals" and nonsense of that sort. It just doesn't feel very helpful to me, and it just makes me feel stressed out.
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