The Betrayal Revised Chapter 19 snippet (new writing)

By captain kate · Dec 17, 2008 · ·
  1. Rear Admiral (retired) Claudio Reyes was an impatient man. He had just finished seeing the report from Brindle. Almir was a damned fool, he snorted, to be taking on that mission. It was obvious an attempt on her life, so why was she walking into it?

    The woman just thinks she’s invincible, he thought as he lit a cigar.

    With over a hundred million credits of his cybernetics, he reminded himself, she just might be. While they gave her greater speed and strength then normal humans, it alone wasn’t what made her so dangerous. No, that came from the fact that she was a true cold-blooded killer.

    Leaning back in his chair, Reyes considered the options before him. He was spread thin trying to have resources in place for Operation Black Hawk, and now she was doing this! If the woman was anything, he thought, she had a knack for getting into trouble at the worst possible times!

    Oh he had options for helping her, he chuckled, and there was no doubting that. He hadn’t gotten to be Intelligence Chief from being ill prepared and stupid. No, he was smarter then even she gave him credit for. Her command staff on her cruiser had been no mistake; each and every one of them, other then Lieutenant Loving of course, had been in his employ.

    She learned what I wanted her to learn, he thought, savoring the cigar, and when I wanted her to. Unfortunately, I didn’t see Beatty making this move.

    Reaching across his desk, he activated his private com system. Almir would hate knowing they were in his employ, he reflected, but her life was more important then her opinions. If she was going to survive the attempt on her life, then he was going to have to use some of his resources to help her.

    “Commander,” he said. “How are you?”

    “I’m well, sir,” Tina Brooks said. “And you…”

Comments

  1. Gaines
    Really good sci-fi stuff. Characters stand out and the reader gets a quick feel for their personal traits. No real SPaG problems to mention but sentence structure is choppy in a few places. It slows the reading and makes the eye go back to see if it missed something. A bit of rewording and a few minor structure adjustments and you will have it dead on. Look forward to its next revision. If my computer skills were not so rudimentary I would tag quote a few places to give you more specifics. Sorry but I will get the hang of it and in the future I may be more of a help if needed.
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