This Just In:

By No-Name Slob · Aug 14, 2015 · ·
  1. People Across America Highly Offended

    In an effort to cut back on using gender persuasion to market to youngsters, and to instead encourage children to choose toys based on their own unique preferences, Target announced Tuesday that the department store chain will remove the words "girls" and "boys" in the labeling of toys and home decor.

    This decision may seem minor, but many upset Americans urge you to disagree.

    Psychotherapists were asked to weigh in on the decision on major news networks, while angry consumers across the nation took to social media to publicly declare outrage.

    "I'm so sick of everyone being so offended, so now I'm offended that they're offended. If Target keeps pandering to all these offended whiners and refuses to cater to my own brand of offendedness, I'm going to stay offended and I'll never shop there again."

    A few shoppers under the misguided impression that Target will only carry gender neutral items going forward added their own two cents on what is now being referred to as ‪#‎TwoCentsTuesday‬.

    "My daughter likes pink. This is unacceptable. Why would Target ban pink? How will we spice up the crappy new furniture we just bought there? I hope they'll be offering refunds on futons, because if I can't buy pink accent pillows, it just won't work."

    Offended consumers claim to worry that the new merchandising will give their children mixed ideas about gender identity, but skeptics argue that these consumers are simply choosing to be offended by offended people, and they just haven't caught on to the irony attached to their anger.

    "I think it's hilarious. I hope more people get offended. I get bored at night now that I've finished Orange is the New Black."

    We have yet to reach out to Target for comment on the matter.

Comments

  1. 123456789
    While you make your jokes in support of petty gender issues (it's some good, writing, though) you should know that American taxpayers are spending billions of dollars a year subsidizing Target because its wages are too low ~_~
  2. No-Name Slob
    @123456789 - Don't confuse the issue and make this about something it's not. I'm not supporting Target, I'm supporting a gradual shift (much slower than I'd like) away from gender roles, while attempting to poke fun at dooms-day dramatics sprinkled with hypocrisy. The two topics aren't related. If this were a decision made by any other department store (even one that pays appropriate wages, if you could find one), it wouldn't change the public reaction, and this piece would be written just the same.

    And thank you for your compliment about the writing.
      sidtvicious likes this.
  3. The Mad Regent
    I'm really getting sick of those whole moral and ethics crusade that goes on in today's world. Just because a handful of insecure people dislike the way something is presented doesn't mean it's wrong or should be changed.

    Removing gender referencing from toys and home products sounds more like a marketing ploy to me; it increases the probability that something will be bought if it's not gender specific.
      No-Name Slob likes this.
  4. AspiringNovelist
    I saw on, I think it was MSNBC, the other morning that colleges who have embraced 'micro-aggression codes' have to warn students that assigned reading materials may offend their sensibilities...That's every great book out there -- what is this world coming to?

    There's a new Orwellian opiate out there -- and it's not a drug. It's called feelings (queue Barbara Streisand).
      No-Name Slob likes this.
  5. Morgan Stelbas
    All I can do is applaud.
    Your blog post was awesome! I totally got your point and totally agree! Thanks for that!
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