Transformation is easy: Change is hard

Thanks @Malisky !!

Daily Lessons

The way not to think everyone else is such a bitch:
don't be a bitch yourself!
And stop actin' so freakin' crazy!!

Anxiety

I've been trying to find a different job - one with more hours and more money. I finally found one. Accepted the job and took a drug test. I'm not worried because I don't take illegal drugs but I'm still worried! I'm afraid something will go wrong. I won't feel comfortable or relieved until she calls me and gives me my first scheduled hours. That's just the way I am. Seems like I don't believe anything really good will happen to me until it slaps me in the face.

Right now my soon to be boss is out of town with her very-ill mother and I need to wait until she gets back. It's killing me. And that's awful of me. Her mother is really sick! I should care about that.

I'm just being honest. I hope this is a place I can be honest, right?

I wish you freedom.
That's all I can say.
And if you don't go
and get it for yourself
it's no one's fault
but your own.

I'll place the title at the end:
Such A Pitiful Scene

(painful)

Old Souls

I've never understood the term 'old souls'. Well, I didn't until I became one, or someone whom I feel like is an old soul: a person who cares more about others than she does herself. Old souls want to care about other people - thrive on it.

I think I've always been a young, childish soul. Selfish, self-centered, believing the world revolved around me. Positive in the sense that I see everything with wide-eyed wonder, in love with new and different things. But vulnerable and gullible. Surely no one wants to hurt me. Not ME.

After some really hard, trying times and living near my daughter, close to her and my grandchildren, I became what I believe to be an old soul. Nothing means more to me than her happiness and the happiness of her family. I could die today and be content knowing she will be ok. She's a strong, fine woman - with the best character and strength of anyone I know and more than most I know.

People have great expectations of old souls, which is fine most of the time. I don't mind someone expecting me to take the high road, or sacrifice over and beyond now and then.

I don't mind changing most of the time for someone else, but I'd really appreciate a little give and take. It hurts to be on a constant road of change. Yet never feeling or sensing a change in someone else - especially the person who expects it from you.

I've become different for other people and they were different for a minute. But only for a minute. Too much of that, and I've learned. I have learned.

Old souls are not gods. We are human. With feelings, fears, painful memories and all the emotions that go with those issues.

A little change is better than none at all.
Just a little bitty itsy bit of change!
But no change at all!
Puhleeeze!!

time for this emoticon I seldom use >>

When I think about real change, I think about Einstein's quote (because I'm guilty) - doing the same shit over and over again & expecting something different.

AND, having said that when I see the same behaviors repeated day after day -- I feel like someone ELSE needs to be reminded, as well -- you keep doing the same shit & really, do you REALLY expect things to be different? They won't be. They just WON'T BE.

AND, the fact that I keep feeling like I need to be reminded & need to remind anyone else of that truth -- what does that say about me? It's not happenin'. There will be no changes.

So I simply accept & try to get along, try to keep myself moving along.

But please for God's sake, stop with the empty threats, the promises never kept, the excuses, excuse after excuse after excuse.

And here I am repeating myself again.

Nothing left to do but laugh about it.