No, no, I'm not a hunter. I'm speaking purely of the art that is cooking a good turkey. I've many rules, dear readers. In fairness, my rules are born from twenty years of poor turkeys being Polanski'd by my mom. So two Thanksgivings ago I decided I would cook it and ever since I've been the pride of my family. Then again, that's not saying much.
First Rule of Cooking a Turkey: BRINE! If you choose not to brine your turkey then it'll come out alright, but it will be missing that important ingredient that turkey needs: FLAVOR!
Second Rule of Cooking a Turkey: Don't open the damned oven door! There is no reason to open the door and gaze in for three minutes admiring the golden skin. If you do this the heat rushes out.
Third Rule of Cooking a Turkey: Don't let people who are freaked out by meat that is slightly pink ruin your day. Yes, yes, I know, how horrible you eat meat that isn't pallid and dry as hell. Admire the meat, treat it well, do not burn it.
Final Rule of Cooking a Turkey: Be proud of yourself when it comes out.
By no means am I an expert on cooking turkey's. However, I know that mine come out perfect every year. I've gotten to the point now where I am receiving requests from friends to come over on Thanksgiving and make their turkey for them. This year alone I'm making four turkey's and so much turkey gravy I might just stop liking gravy... no, no, that's not possible.
If anyone is interested this is a photo of my first turkey of the season. Cooked it today and I could not be happier. Unfortunately my NaNo novel has taken a hit from my lack of interest in non-turkey topics. Oh well.
P.S.: This post has not been edited, proofread, or otherwise made legible. I'm too busy eating a turkey sandwich.
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