What are your dreams made of?

When I first joined internet websites and chatrooms & investigated and explored different lifestyles, like Bdsm, my nickname was goodgurl. I love that nickname. It was so erotic, you know. I had other nicknames like GingerTyme and JasmineAkira (I can never shake my Japanese roots) but being a goodgurl was really a turn on. I wanted to be someone's goodgurl and I was! And I am.

Thanks @Malisky & @Cave Troll !!

@Cave Troll

Stuck

No way out.
Can't find anything new.
better.
No way back in.
No way to win.

I guess

I guess it's funny after all
since it's not real.
An out of body experience
watching myself reviled, murdered,
buried, and the funeral march
is a happy dance.

There are times I feel like I might be having too much fun, or talking too much, or taking up too much room (there's only ONE of me (rite now), sheesh) on this website, then I remember the person who has about 100 different accounts & speaks up incessantly. Who does she think she's fooling? I guess she's a she. Who the hell knows. All I know is she tries to dominate the whole scene with her insane jealous drivels. Does it piss me off & get on my nerves? Damn right.

Then I remember there are couple of good guys who still like me and still like to hear from me, even tho I'm not the greatest writer in the world and even if they do love a couple dozen other women, they DO still like me. They miss me when I'm not around.

That means the world to me.

Doesn't take much to make me happy these days.

Sex

Why can't we just talk about sex?
Everyone loves sex.
If we just talked and wrote about sex
everyone would be happy.

Dirty

I could get so down & dirty
it would make hard-flat-line
but do I get a f*ckin' chance?
OH NO.

Sorry I had to go
but I had to sneeze!
You know,
a good sneeze
is like a good orgasm.
OH MY God, it's good!

Maybe you don't know me at all

You think I'm all about romance & sex & winning & conquest.
I'm not! I want to comfort the hurting too!
I don't care if you think it's schmaltzy, worn out, or cliché .
I was born for love and comfort.

(honesty)

I'm so sorry

I'm so sorry -
I know you can't love me
like I want you to.
But it just feels so much better
to believe that you do.

By your side

For better or worse
Richer or poorer
(mostly poorer)
but can we limit this bullshit
to the internet?

Stuff I don't understand

I use the internet for pleasure, for an escape, for laughter, for relaxation, for fun. I get serious sometimes but then I put myself in the right perspective & I'm ok. It's all temporal right? Changes like the seconds on a stop watch.

Something like
you fucked her yesterday
can't you fuck me today?

I dreamed I was in college dressed in red sitting in an amphitheater with two boys on either side whispering in my ear. I felt young and beautiful. Oh, and somehow all my files had been magically transferred from my laptop to my surface pro. Now, THAT was cool.

***

I want to write about how angry I am because you didn't stop what hurt me so much. You encouraged it and kissed it along. Now I feel hopeless because no matter what I do to change my feelings that negativity is right there bombarding me with selfishness and mean thoughts. I want to but I won't because I've written about it so many times. Hopelessness is stuck in hopelessness, it seems like.

***

An earlier thought about role play:

Dorothy would love to participate in erotic role play with a wizard or two but she knows as soon as she tries the wicked witch of the east will swoop down with her attempts to ridicule and humiliate.

Hopeless and never given the chance to try new things.

How can I ever fit in?

ok so I'm on my third drink, my lips are still numb & I'm hungry. what do I do now? eat & bite my lips off?

I was gonna say somethin' else about dreams but I forgot.

oh yeah, so where are you? 3rd fourth fifth (of whisky) 6ith as in is it Halloween yet?

as in now I need to attend to my surface pro & you tube

& oh yeah
my phone keeps ringing (0r vibrating) & I keep not answering cuz I'm afraid it's my boss & then she'd know I drink whisky!

so if that's you, just give it up, sweety!