I often find myself worrying about peoples opinion of me, while pretending I do not. For example, I spent some time with a company that had many employees. I whistled while I worked, sang little pieces of songs, walked with a natural pep in my step. I felt happy, I had always been this way. Not long into my stay, I noticed snide looks from individuals, sideways glances. Not long after that, some of these same people came to me and said "Why are you always so happy? Why do you smile so much?" Now, that didn't ask me this with a pleasant, receptive smile on their faces. It was more of a "What's wrong with you?" tone. I would be lying if I said this did not have a negative effect on me. I started to question other peoples perception of me. Do they think I am wierd? Am I projecting something that angers people, with my joy?
I no longer work with that company, but it did put out a shining light. I have since found myself walking with my head down, looking at the stained sidewalk and land mine filled grass. Well, until recently that is. When I said to myself, "Find your voice again, be who you are." For crying out loud I made a sign out of driftwood that says just that. "Practice what you preach grrl!"
So I did. And guess what, some people still think I am 'strange' or 'wierd' and the everpresent 'crazy'... in a good way, of course. And I am happy with that, with being me. I do not want to be like you or her or him or them. What a bland colorless world we would live in, to all be the same.
So now I smile, laugh, whistle and sing. Make up impromptu lyrics or poetry and say it aloud so I do not forget. Or rather frantically search for pad and pen. Whatever. As juvenile as the word may come across. We all have lights, let them shine and let noone steal your joy. Think about that... to be labeled as a joy stealer. I choose to live, laugh and love.
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