Tenderiser, You've inspired me to share one of my better pranks. Let me start by saying if you're squeamish, DO NOT read on.
Several years ago, I worked with a woman we'll call Janice. She was very hard to work with, and after a particularly cruel prank she played on me, I decided Janice was fair game. Anytime I felt I could get away with pranking Janice, I did so, and with my bosses wholehearted backing. I haven't pranked anyone since Janice left the office.
My story begins with an office call, from the local animal control officer. Periodically we are asked to handle remains for rabies testing, The remains must be prepared and sent off to south Texas where the testing is actually performed. Rabies testing is time sensitive, so when the officer told me he had a bat, that had bitten a cat, I told him to bring it in.
The officer brought me a live bat, trapped in a 32oz soda cup from a local convenience store. When he sat the cup down on the countertop, the whole thing began to vibrate, which made it move along the surface like a cellphone that had just gotten a call. It was the most amusing, and disturbing thing I've seen, and since it was a live animal, I couldn't leave it unattended. All I could do was guard the cup and wonder how we were going to perform this procedure without getting bitten in the process.
My boss returned and remedied that problem. As we worked on getting the remains ready for shipment, we mused about the fact that Janice missed all the cool stuff (not that euthanizing an animal is cool but, how many times do people bring you bats?) He remarked that he was very grateful she wasn't there because it would've made the process more difficult.
In that moment, the little black diabolical light bulb went off in my head. You see, only the head of remains are sent off for testing, and Janice hated all manner of fluffy cute animals such as bunnies, cats, and ferrets. If she had been there her reaction to the bat would've been priceless. And in that moment, I decided priceless was something I very much wanted to see.
Since the only reason the bat was sent in for testing was a stupid loophole, my boss gave me the go ahead to put my plan into action. Very carefully, I prepared a box with a thick insulated bag used for remains, then lined that with newspaper. I then pinned the bat, wings spread wide out and headless into the box like a macabre presentation on the Sunday funnies. I then sealed the box, and wrapped the whole thing in some bright paper we had left over from the last staff party, wrote her name on it, and waited for Janice to return from lunch.
Unfortunately, I never got to see the look on her face as she opened the box, but the screams and the sound of cardboard flying in her office still make me grin even as I write this.
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