will the torture ever cease?

By caity lloyd · Feb 24, 2012 · ·
  1. Drip, drip, drip something somewhere behind me was leaking and annoyingly so. I tried to turn but the corse rope, that was tied to the end of my flaming red ponytail, snagged taught making my neck pop audibly. Grimacing, I looked directly ahead, my eyes burning in to the back of the man taking so much pride in his horrid work as he stood shapening the blades he planned to use in some way or another.
    I had been sitting on the same hard wooden chair for over four days now. With the same very rough hessian cord tied tightly around my wrists and ankles making it impossible for me to move. The same rag stuffed in my mouth stuffing my tounge back into my thoat making me gag alot but having not eaten much, except a few small cereal bars but they got used up trying to heal my err my injuries, there was nothing to bring up as it were.
    A deep, throaty laugh emminated from the far side of the 'room' he spun on his heel and strode towards me and massive grin streching his old, wrinkled skin more. The small, slim blade glinting in what little light there was. Suddlenly his chortling cut short but the grin remained and a playful glint appeared in his eyes. The sound of his footsteps echoed from the bare stone walls. He stopped a few feet infront of me. Still grinning like a mad man. He held the blade out before me showing it to me inch by inch. He stepped forward. Just once. He twisted the blade slowly towards my cheek as he had countless times before. He changed his mind and started moving the blade down to my arm.

Comments

  1. mugen shiyo
    :( doesn't seem like you finished.

    The story-writing needs a bit of work. Use of words like "chortling" kind of throws me out of the moment, somewhat. I also thought it was a little over worded in areas and punctuation always seems to ring out in terms of editing. For instance...

    Drip, drip, drip something somewhere behind me was leaking and annoyingly so.

    Drip, drip, drip!!! Something, somewhere behind me was leaking and annoyingly so.

    Other than that, the descriptions were a bit confusing. At first, she seems to be...hanging by her ponytail...and the next she seems to be sitting. Or maybe she had been pulled up by her ponytail after four days of sitting. Either way, it wasn't too clear and it gave me a bit of a halt. I'd use spaces in my paragraphs so that reading is a bit easier also.

    I like the idea and it being incomplete makes me wonder on the what happened here, but since it was abrupt it wasn't a "good" cliffhanger. Needs a lot of smoothing out. But the idea of it was kinda cool. The most important part, I suppose, is having an idea you can work with.
  2. caity lloyd
    Thanks for the feedback but in all fairness i did write it in about 10 minutes so yeah normally my stories are better set out and better worded.
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