Wondering

Published by mugen shiyo in the blog mugen shiyo's blog. Views: 107

Sometimes I step back and wonder on the dreamy weirdness of everything. Wonder at life and every moving, talking, vibrating part of it. I think...in seventy years I will be dead and all of this might as well never have existed. Everything that everyone is doing...all their concerns. Everything comes and goes with a profoundly unremarkable simplicity. I am here and then I am gone.

I wonder at people walking and talking on cell phones and wonder how we managed to come so far and no other creature in the world has come with us. I wonder if I had to be born, how lucky that I was human instead of an ant or a tree. How close did I miss it by?

Thinking of the present makes me long for the future. I already feel old because I wish I can live forever, knowing I cannot. A thousand years ago, a man dies wishing he could live to see the things that I have seen. Things- though normal to me- are beyond his dreams. I am only a quarter of my way through life and they talk of living on Mars. I could almost cry knowing I won't be around to see men walk of the moons of Jupiter.

Sometimes I feel life is a world I have been pulled out of- floating in the void above like an impartial observer feeling the tingling ecstasy of dementia and detachment. Because from here, it all seems trivial and meaningless. Much better to float into the dark wonder before me and chase the secrets of an unknown universe.

But soon, this feeling passes, and all the better for it. It would be hard to sit back and watch the needle of life's meter slide from birth to death. Better to not know. If I must know, better to not care. Better to live as if I could live forever, if I just live well enough. All my life I watch the leaves change from brown to green to dried up things, not noticing the earth watched Man do the same. Just another leaf in the forest. Here one day, gone the next. Best to make lasting moments.
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