Why is it that I'll say a thing and then get completely angry with myself for it. I mean I have control over my tongue, right? I am an adult here, aren't I?
I blew it this afternoon. I gave into a part of myself I'd rather not see, a side of myself that is dark and ugly. In a moments time I opened up the door and let this darkness out and it took control of my mouth.
What I said to my brother was spiteful and venomous. It was low and very nasty. I am ashamed that I disrespected our relationship in the presence of our mother. I am sorry I degraded his masculinity. I had no right to say the things I have spoken. No matter how hurt or how angry I was, by raising myself high enough to lower him was wrong.
I am sitting up, warm in my bed. Those words I spoke are haunting me. If only I could take them back...if only I had chosen to walk away and not allow myself to become weakened by anger.
It isn't like he wont forgive me, we made amends before we said goodbye. Still, I know what I said penetrated his heart. I should have been smarter. My better sense let me down. Tonight, I can't take back the words I've spoken.
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