Simon Roberts

I hate it when people put up quotes on Facebook and it's not even the person who said it ~ John F. Kennedy.The details of my life are quite inconsequential... very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it.

Partying Xbox, Sleeping, I like Mario. he's cool. he's all like "hello, im maaarrio, im a Italian plumber created by Japanese people, who speaks English and looks like a Mexican.", Yelling " STAY!" at a non-living object that keeps falling over, Wrexham F.C., I wish Heaven had a phone so I could hear your voice again. I thought of you today, but that is nothing new. I thought about you yesterday, and days before that too. I think of you in silence, I often speak your name. All I have are memories and a picture, Those moods where you just want to cuddle up to someone and fall asleep, PlayStation 3, i maybe a twat when im drunk but your a twat when your sober ., CHECK U OUT G!! UMBRO TRACKIES TUCKED IN YA DONNAY SOCKS NAAHHHHHH UR SICK!!!! Graduate Fasttrack, The LAD Bible, Hi I'm Call Of Duty, I Can Make Your Boyfriend Scream Louder Then You Can, I wonder if you think its funny after i PUNCH YOUR FUCKING FACE IN! Friday the 13th, Kevin & Perry Go Large Movie, Halloween, Full Metal Jacket, Austin Powers, A Man Apart, The Goonies, Freddy Got Fingered, Ironman, Ghostbusters, The Warriors, Pulp Fiction, Die Hard, Dog Day Afternoon, True Lies, Blade, Man On Fire, Crank, My Bloody Valentine, Old School, Mystic River, Casino, Scarface Universal Music Rock Legends, BIGBANG, N.W.A, Dimitri from Paris, Scaring Yourself in a dark room turning around and speed walking back out, Bursting into tears after imagining a world without boobs, Sleigh Bells, DJ BL3ND, Tiësto, Oasis, Lil Wayne, The Killers, Professor green, Razorlight, The Marshall Mathers LP, Kooks