Is that the general perception? I've never viewed it that way. Is growing up any sadder than being of an age where your friends and family members start dying around you with increasing regularity, reminding you of you own mortality? My teenage years weren't the kindest, but I'd suffer them again in a heartbeat to see those faces again. I was talking with @jannert about an old acquaintance of mine recently, a writer and editor who had written a book about a subject we were discussing. He used to stay with me and my family regularly, and we'd do the rounds of tattoo conventions together. Although we remained friends, our respective lifestyles and responsibilities made our contact less and less as time passed. Having been out of touch for quite some time, I stuck his name into Google to see what he was up to—last I heard he was still editing a European Tattoo magazine, while traveling the world. The very first entry was his obituary. To me, growing up is not nearly as sad as growing old.
In my humble opinion, it is percieved as such for the for the following: 1) for losing some of the naive ideals, while accepting that ideals are principially needed in life. When losing the childish ideals, some people are unable to find the mature, possible ones, which leaves them empty 2) for the fact that the price for insight (knowledge) is losing some of the innocence, as William Blake points out. Yet Christianity - btw. the reason why I like it - claims that losing innocence is not a prerequisite for maturing or gaining insight into both wordly and spiritual affairs. So, to many people growing up equals unavoidable corruption (an opinion I have manytimes been confronted by). (And again Christianity which, by it's rite of christening brings a person back to a spiritual childhood, accepting him or her as the God's child) 3) for the fact that by growing up, we inevitably set up on a road down to death and if to an individual death is the ultimate dot after the metaphorical sentence of life, such conviction truly entails sadness and shifts the person's focus to youth 4) if the life situation was substantially better in one's youth years than now, then it is a common pitfall to indulge in sentimental positivism and living in memories (as in Glass Menagerie by Tenessie Williams). 5) a lot of things lose their magic, as, for instance, Christmas and receiving of gifts. But here again applies what I said above about the spiritual childhood - and also natural childhood, as I believe. One of the postulates of spiritual growth is to admit that one is still a child deep down there. The desire with which we anticipate either a new toy or a paycheck or a partner coming back from abroad or delivering a baby is in principal the same.
Growing up is not sad. Birth, Age, Illness, and Death are all part of the natural cycle of life. Any suffering or sadness comes from attachments that cannot be let go, not the actual growth. I am sure that if the burdens and responsibilities of being a "grown up" were not there or prevalent, many people would rather be older. Despite the charms of being a child, there is more that a person can do being an adult than not, especially when applying the many laws that restrict age. I would much rather be an adult than a toddler.
Did I forget to say that the first thing to go when you grow up is your mind? That might explain why some of these grown ups don't think it is so bad.
I think how one perceives youth vs. adulthood is greatly dependent on circumstances and personality. I'm always amused when people say they'd love to go back and "take their experiences with them", because the choices we make and later regret are a product of who we are at the time and what we face. I can think of a few decisions of my teen years that I dearly wish I could have made differently, but it's futile to dwell on them. And the one decision, made when I was 15, that has weighed most heavily on my mind would likely have made absolutely no difference at the time. With maturity comes (we hope) perspective. Just as important, it also brings the ability to more greatly (and, we hope, positively) affect the lives of others. I'd say that I take much more pride in what I've accomplished as an adult than anything I did as a child or teen. @Duchess-Yukine-Suoh: enjoy the ride and make the most of any moment. Then again, I don't think you need anyone to tell you that.
As a kid, you get to play in the dirt and run around naked as one of your parents hoses you off. As an adult, you have to spray those kids off or they might track dirt in the abode you've worked your entire life to afford.
I think I'm the only person in the world who isn't afraid to get older. lol I'm turning 26 next month, but every year I get older, I feel younger. Because there's always someone in the world who wished they were my age. When I turned 21, I went to a bar to celebrate. There was a woman at the table behind me celebrating her 40th birthday, and when she found out how young I was, she kept telling me how lucky I was, how much she wished she was my age again. And I remember that every birthday I have. Life is a gift and growing older is a blessing that not everyone gets. I'm so excited to get older! I'm looking forward to a stable job, successful novels, world traveling, and raising my own family (maybe). Plus, I always thought it would be fun to say really stupid things as an 80YO and claim dementia.
There comes a point in your life when you realise that many of the things you wanted to do are no longer possible. Either because you have physically aged beyond the point where you can do these things, or your life has taken hold, given you responsibilities and connections you can no longer break without huge hurt to lots of people. So some of the sadness about aging comes from knowing you will never see certain horizons. I think the people who are happiest are the ones who have done what they really DID want to do in their lives. Okay, maybe not everything, but most of it. Either that, or people who have trained themselves to be happy no matter what. That sounds wonderful ...I guess. I don't know. It also sounds like Pollyanna. Kind of yukky...?
...yes, often ignoring great many ppl and the pain caused, as you said above, so there's a huge bit of selfishness involved...
LOL... Don't kid yourself. Personally, I revel in it. Aging isn't so bad... it brings a perspective on life that is hidden from the young. I think many people appreciate this and I also believe, as I age further, that perspective will continue to change. Like @jannert says, the physical effects in terms of scuppering our best laid plans are damned inconvenient, especially when that drive to do, and experience is as great as it was in our youth. I think I can also safely say in terms of physical attributes, I make a better looking 47 yr old than I did a 16 yr old. I also am fitter and look after myself better. Like I said up thread, it's a bit hard to see friends make their exit, or become weakened but let's face it, it's gonna happen to us all, so why make a bigger deal out of it than it is. You can't fight the inevitable, but you can continue to grow, and learn and experience right up until your number is called. That's not so bad.
Are you kidding? nihilism rules, so long as you look at it in the right way. It's difficult to commit to it completely. Nietzsche said something about a phoenix and being reborn from the ashes which is pretty much it. It's all about the question "why?" really, it's impossible to answer a why question so you've got to ask "What? What do I want to do?" and then you've got to do it. And who cares if it all goes wrong? It doesn't mean anything at the end of the day, does it? As for the the sadness of growing older, apparently nihilism disappears as you get older and you come to believe that there is some intrinsic value in the random and unpredictable cosmos: Sounds rubbish to me!
Maybe not "no matter what", but maybe who have been dealt some serious challenges, rose to meet them, and take pride in that fact.
I think it can be sad (doesn't have to be) because at a meta-level, it's just about the time you really start to feel like you have a clue about what its all about, that what its all about stops paying attention to you. You spend your formative years pining for adulthood, hit your late teens and early twenties where you get fiercely prickly when you get carded for adult items or services because the idea of being perceived as an adult is an all-consuming thing in those years, you set your personal definitions, the bright point of grown-up-ness approaches and for like ten minutes in your 30s everything is aimed at you. Marketing, books, movies, the entire cultural conversation, and its heady and a whirl and just as you're making sense of the whole craziness, you are asked to leave the club and thank you for coming and it was a pleasure to sell to you and please return your Abercrombie & Fitch store card, unless of course you have children who should just about be old enough now to start shopping with us, then please bring them along but you yourself must sit and wait out there on the bench in the middle of the mall hallway. No, no. You had your time. Bench. And the bright point slides behind you and will forever now only fade. All of this providing that you bought into the whole cultural premise that the bright point was the be all and end all of everything. If you don't learn that there are cultural truths over which you have little control, and also personal truths over which you have complete and total control, then yes, it can be a sad thing.
When you grow up, you'll know Nah I'm just kidding. For most, it's because work sucks and the financial responsibility in general also sucks. Would I go back and do it all over again? I am curious about that, because when I was 8 years old, I made the decision to emigrate to England and I often wonder what life would've been like had I chosen to stay in Hong Kong. I'd stay longer in my first relationship and never have started my second relationship with the jerk. However, I wouldn't hunt down my husband earlier - I believe we met at the right time, when we were ready for each other, when we were the people that were right for each other. Without that second relationship, I wouldn't have been. And for my husband, he needed that time before he was mature enough for it. Anyway, I'd stay as I am, given the choice (I'm not given a choice so it's just as well!). Another downside of growing up is this - you start realising your parents are getting old and one day won't be around anymore. You also start talking and thinking about what would happen when one of your parents dies. My mum is terrified of living alone, but British family units dictates that she's not part of our family anymore once we're married. The boundaries are very set. Chinese family units are more fluid and extends to grandparents, and I honestly don't think my mum ever got used to this particular culture clash, try though she has to adjust to everything. I don't particularly want to live with my mum, and already my husband and I have discussed the possibility of taking her in if anything should happen to dad. These are the grim realities of "growing up", unfortunately. So, given all this... No, I wouldn't go back. All my life I've been blessed, and right now it's no different. For that reason, I am content to stay as I am. But I can understand why some would want to go back. It's not as baffling to me that they might. I guess it just goes to show how rare contentment is. And how often we make mistakes we regret immensely in years to come. I believe my life is more of an exception, rather than the rule. And the last thing - growing up, and growing OLD, is a blessing. Too many people die before their time. I'm coming to realise that even dying of old age isn't guaranteed. Sometimes I pray to God that me and my husband would be able to grow old together, that our time together wouldn't be cut short, that's all, because I realise now even that cannot be taken for granted. So, if you're old - be grateful. You don't know how many people out there wish their loved one might still be around to actually turn 30, or 40, or 50, or whatever the age is.
Funnily enough, my daughter and her partner were joking about this the other day, (me being the dreaded mother-in-law) but both told me they'd be happy for me to move in with them. In Northern Ireland it's quite common, especially for mothers who have lost their husbands, to move in with their children. My own grandmother moved in the year after I was born, so I am quite surprised to see you say that.
In my culture there's an expectation that this will happen. I am the eldest, so it will fall to me as is de rigueur. I don't see my mom leaving her house on the other side of the property, though. She prizes her privacy and space, but she's just across the field, so...
Agreed. That's why it's so important to know yourself before making life-altering decisions, even though the knowledge comes hard and seldom happens in time to save you, LOL. I look back on all the decisions I made in my twenties without the smallest inkling of how they would build on themselves later. I am very happy with where I am mentally, now. You may get worse with age physically but you get much stronger and more confident in your mind. Things that upset me something fierce in my 20's and 30's barely faze me in my 40's. You've seen it before and know damn well you'll see it again, but you've got the equipment to handle it now.
This. Unfortunately, sometimes it comes across as the Universe having a laugh at your expense. "If youth but knew, and age but could." I think it's important for each 'age' to respect the other. I don't think young people should dismiss old people as irrelevant, nor should old people dismiss young people as stupid or misguided. Each age has its good and bad aspects, I reckon. I'm speaking as an 'older but smarter' person—with a very bum knee!
Too true. In my profession I'm enjoying a period of life where the younger interpreters defer to me for experience and don't dismiss me as too old to relate too. I respect their better and closer acquaintance with fresh street terms and uses that form a large part of the repartee of our clients, given the nature of court cases, and which seem to change on a weekly basis! I help them with form and they help me with content. I help them with precision and critical thinking and they help me with spontaneity and twigging on the fly.
