I thought swearing wasn't allowed here? However, very dramatic punchy line, I think it could turn away a lot of readers though.
It's allowed. Just not excessive or to insult a member. Also, if that makes people turn around, considering what happens in the novel, that's a good thing. If they don't like that sentence they'll hate the book.
"When my sister got pregnant at age 17, she had no idea what to do, my father buried himself in work, my mother blamed herself, and my younger sister wanted to run away. I developed an interest in scarves."
I friggin' love this! And I very rarely invoke that particular adjective. ONLY because I loved it, I started playing with it. I love yours absolutely, but did come up with an alternative...though I think I was giving your character one of my character's voices: "When my sister got pregnant at age 17, she had no idea what to do; none of us did. My father buried himself in work, my mother blamed herself, and my younger sister wanted to run away. I developed an interest in scarves."
Two sets of eyes, one as green as the surrounding grass, the other as pale silver as the moonlight above, stared from the shadow of an overhanging turf ledge at a bedraggled, sprawling stone keep. *** "Fine! Then you can be the leader of this clan!" *** Perascamin wrung his hands as he paced the offices of Thuron’s Livery. *** all from fanfic short stories.
The White Wolf Trilogy books; The Stray- The wolf was never far beneath my skin, itching to be free, to run. The Lost- I pulled at the ropes that bound my hands together, trying to get free, so I could tear some flesh, human flesh. The Found- “I can’t believe you’re still going.” Agua exclaimed, she was sitting on the bed in the room I shared with Zac in the motel. The last two aren't set in stone but the first one will most like stay that way
