"Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning." -- Winston Churchill
As I walked up to the urinal, I realized someone had already used it, and it hadn't been to take a piss. It smelled even worse than it looked.
it was when i saw a purple monkey riding a green unicorn over a rainbow that i realised something was up...
I stepped back and admired my handiwork, a whole wall painted in eggshell white; now I just needed to wait for it to dry, a process I noted had already started judging by the fact that some sections weren't quite as glistening and moist as the corner I'd applied the last.
I had an amazing adventure full of twists and turns. Harrowing battles; betrayal and love. Secret alliances made and broken. But this story is not about that adventure. This story is about me going to Disney World.
The sun was really really hot and about millions of metric kilometres away because it was a hot star and if it had been any closer he would of all fried and you know that because when you lay on the beach you can feel all the hotness through your clothes in the summer but not in the winter because its colder but that didn't stop THE THING coming out of the sea water.
I woke up to the sound of my alarm clock ringing loudly. My eyes snapped open. Today was the day! I leaped out of bed excitedly and began to dance and jump around the room, I was SO excited. "Today's the day! Today's the day! Today's the day!" I screamed excitedly. My cat, Mr. Perkins, looked at me with his eyes. "Perkins, today is the day!" I grabbed him excitedly and kissed him on the head! "Today is the day!" He beamed at me, his face lit up with happiness to see his owner so happy. "Today is the day!" I raced across my room to my wardrobe. What should I wear on this most special day? I opened the curtains - it was sunny! A sunny and bright day. A perfect day. I just knew the day was going to be perfect. But first, I had to take a shower! I turned around and headed for the door that would lead to the hallway where the door to the bathroom was. In the process I was so excited that I didn't see the cat walk in front of me and I tripped over! I fell to the ground. "NO!" I screamed. Pain shot through my leg. My mother rushed in immediately, frantically worried. "What happened???" she cried dramatically. "I fell over the cat!" I wailed. "Now I can't go to Emily's party!" tears streamed down my face. "And I think my leg is broken." "Bad cat!" my mother reprimanded. The cat hung its head in remorse, so sad to see what it had done. "No, don't blame the kitty!" I cried, "It wasn't his fault! He didn't do it on purpose!" I cried again, tears falling fast down my cheeks. "Yes I did," the cat thought to himself, sneakily. "Oh, what a good actor I am!" he chuckled evilly to himself. ****
Let's start this story off with a musical number sung by the protagonists and the villains. I promise, there is a point to it.
So, our protagonist woke up with a hangover, and then a clown entered the room and started singing Metallica songs - and at this point I cannot remember where I was going.
My name is Dr Charlie Ton, and this is my twenty-seven step programme towards boosting your health, wealth and well-being.
This is the story of how I died. Now all the heart-pounding suspense and fear has been stripped from you because you know I will die. The moment I show my face, you will know I'm a dead man walking. Allow me to continue. But before I died, I saved a kingdom and slew the dragon witch in an epic battle. Now you know I will die knowing I saved the kingdom. The people were at peace. ...Wow, yeah, um... But wait, ARE THEY!? DUN DUN DUNNNN!!! That's better. Let's continue the story. Oh, and I'm a zombie which explains how I'm writing this out.
I instead will break the rules and opt to give a somewhat dramatic retelling of the greatest story ever told. --- She was but a small town girl living in a lonely world, she had taken the midnight train going anywhere. He was but a city boy whom was born and raised in south Detroit, he took the midnight train going anywhere. A singer in a smokey room which was filled with the smell of wine and cheap perfume. For a smile the two shared the night in passion. And the story went on and on and on and onnnnnnnn There be strangers waiting up and down the boulevard their shadows whom stalk the nights. I work rather hard to get my fill as everybody craves a thrill. Many play anything to roll the dice, even if it is but one more time. Some shall win and some shall lose but some shall be born to sing thy blues. Oh the film never did end did it? Yet it goes on and on and on and onnnnnnnnn……. -FIN
This actually sounds interesting. Why a clown? How did he end up there? Was he the protag's room mate coming from a Metallica concert, possibly still a bit drunk, but since he had lost a bet he had had to dress up as a clown? I must know!
Wow I hate summer. You know what I hate summer? Because it's hot. It's hot like the fireplace in winter, and it's so hot it makes the sun's incandescent rays seep into the deepest crevices of my pointless being, as if it will transfuse in me meaning and purpose otherwise lost to the night. And it was summer, all over again, and I was looking for meaning in between the folds of the bed sheet, glazed with the burning, hot sunshine. Not sure if it's a bad opening, or just...bad.
It was overcast with forty percent chance of showers. Under time there live a moogoolul. Benny clipped his toenails. Lucy was new in town. Clumsy, shy, hot, she figured that guaranteed her a new best friend, the hottest hottie and the bitchiest enemy. And she was right.
One Christmas morning... Y'know what, I'm done. I'm done writing stories about Christmas on Christmas. They're all the same! You want Christmas stories, might I recommend the bajillion of other Christmas stories out there. I quit. BAH HUMBUG! The End.
If that existed in a 300-page book (the other pages filled with incoherent filler) that would be great.
