Brett had a habit of naming his electrical products. It was in the summer of 2012 that he had looked at his toaster and it occurred to him that it looked decidedly like a Barry. Unfortunately by the winter of the same year he would find out why. It was a murderous toaster, inhabited by the manifestation of all of Barry Manilow's hatred. Stephen Kings 512 th novel.
George was an upscale swindler writing fake checks for crooks, when one day his ink ran out. He could barely imagine ink growing actual legs, yet the sight of it running away was what started his journey to become a Scientologist.
John woke up. It was sunny. He went to the bathroom and brushed his teeth. Then he had breakfast. His breakfast was cereal and warm milk. It tasted ok. John got in his car and went to work. He was an accountant. There would be many spreadsheets waiting for him at the office.
John walked into his office, then his cellphone rang. He answered it, "We've been looking for you," a deep, graveling voice said. "We know you have a special destiny ahead. Follow my directions and you just might get out of here alive." John looked up in time to see men in black suits and ties march into the office...
My name is Sam (short for Samantha) and I'm a klutz. I seriously can't walk more than five steps without tripping over my feet. I'm thin, and I have long brown hair, mousy brown my mom calls it. It hurts my feelings. I look in the mirror at my soft gray eyes which are framed by thick jet black lashes. I'm sixteen years old but I've never had a boyfriend. I mean, guys have asked me out, and my friend John is always hanging around and making passes at me, but they don't like me like me. I'm so unlovable and lonely. Maybe the hottest guy I've ever seen will take an interest in me? Probably not though, because like I said I'm just so klutzy and awkward. Sigh, I think.
Hahaha just when I thought it couldn't get any worse! Nice one All right, here's mine: (it's actually a simplified version of something I actually wrote when I was 18 lol - but that guy wasn't actually called Halubalu lol. And oh my word how many 'actually's did I use there!?) Halubalu looked up to see ten guards entering the house. The leader of the guard said, "Come with us quietly, and no one needs to get hurt." Halubalu gripped his sword, rage dancing in his eyes. "First tell me my charges."
Franklin woke up. He hadn't slept much. His eyes hurt from tiredness. His dick hurt from all the porn he'd watched yesterday. As he got up, his limbs protested like they wanted to kill him in his sleep. Sleep. He needed sleep. Sleep was nice. Sleep was always there for him, like that old friend he used to watch porn with. He got up and took a shower. He got himself some chicken. Chicken tasted good. He ate it as he watched Spongebob Squarepants. When he finished, he went to work in the coal mines. Later that day, he fell down a shaft and died. And so begins the story of his long-lost second cousin, Thomas D. Twinkletoes.
L. Ron walked out of the publishing office. 'Yes, I really hope I can get the truth out there now' he said. As the street morphed shape and sounds with his passage along it, he happened to see a copy of his own novel Fear in a shop window. He had forgot about that novel actually. 'Heh! Now for a great new stage in my life!' he said, and looked up into the cloudy, slightly depressing day, and smiled. It started raining as he walked on, but L. Ron did not care at all. (Yeah, I went there)
Luther taught his snake, Benny, to tie his Reeboks for him, stir his Quik so there were no powder lumps, and he was working on getting the snake to do his math homework but so far Benny could only guarantee him a C average. Carol woke up which was a strange thing to do. Yesterday was a bad day to become a vegetarian, the peaches were snarling on the trees. Casey jumped into a puddle and disappeared. A cloud fell on Mr. Pendergast's house yesterday and turned his pug, Buster into a living bolt of lightning.
You know, I once had this idea for a kid's story where a little girl jumped into another world every time she stepped into a puddle
So it looks like whoever sold you this book ripped out all the remaining pages and glued blank ones in. Sorry about that. Just know it wasn't my fault, I really did write a whole book and it was good. Or rather, I really did write a whole book and it was well... hmmmmmmm, I don't know which one is correct. I hate not knowing. Screw this, I'm done. Thank you for your purchase lul. There actually is more writing on page 69, there's no page numbers though so you'll have to count as you flip there. . . . Page 69: 69 lol.
That sounds pretty neat. You should write it! ~*~*~*~*~*~*~ James Harden bit down tightly on his cigar as he put his hands on his hips. He surveyed the wasteland that stretched for miles beyond his broken down hotel. "God damn it," he muttered when he spot a prowl of shambling Eaters. "It never gets any better does it?" He took out his revolver, a reminder of his years with the Private Investigation Force from back before the War. "This is for you, Randal," he said and charged the Eaters.
Thanks! I never did get much of a plot for the idea though - I don't normally write children's stories. I figured at some point the alternate world would of course get in trouble and the puddles don't work for the little girl anymore and she has to find another way in to help her friends lol. I always get to the end of these "worst opening lines" and end up chuckling to myself
Quickly he typed a formula into his computer and sent the suits and ties into a series of nested IF...THEN loops. He ran out of the office - a symbol of his growing urgency - and into the phone box outside. He emerged in his superhero outfit. A dark grey suit, with restrained tie.
Ralph approached the nearly empty pot of coffee cautiously. He knew that if someone caught him, he would be forced to make more in order to keep up the appearance of being a decent person. If he got away stealthily, the secretary would replenish the pot later. It was a high risk-high reward situation. He was playing with fire.
"I'm a bad boy," Ralph whispered to himself. He reached out to snatch the coffee, pouring it as quickly as he could. He heard the haunting sound of footsteps behind him. Pivoting, he saw the janitor slowly approaching. Ralph considered his options. Should he duck into the men's room to evade the custodian?
