@peachalulu - Jane Eyre sounds funny I've still never read it. As for Clockwork Orange, I tried to read it once and couldn't get past the first 3 pages. What's up with its made-up words!? @Wreybies - what on earth was Annihilation about!? Someone turns into a walking, talking shroom!?
Spoiler: Explanation of Annihilation Ok, first and foremost, it's an excellent book and the first in a trilogy followed up by Authority and Acceptance. The entire series is, at its core, about communication. How it happens. How it doesn't. How we facilitate it, and how very consummate we are at blocking it. A less cheeky synopsys is that the story begins with the 12th expedition into a genuine forbidden zone called Area X. This area is on the South East coast of America, but the exact location is blurry. Area X has a defined border and attempting to pass through the border at any point except for a "doorway" that has been found results in disappearance. What happens to you is unknown. There is a secret facility (more of an open secret) close to the border called The Southern Reach. People here are studying what goes on within Area X. The 12th expedition is composed of four women who are never named save for their job titles. This is deliberate and not just a styling of the writer, but a purposeful part of the expedition as they try to find ways to enter into Area X that don't have the people coming back out again in bizarre states of walking coma, or fine until cancer kills all of them 2 weeks later, or various other results that are never the same twice. The "good stuff" to which I made reference is that the Psychologist has used hypnotic training on the other three and hypnotic suggestion during the mission itself to alter the way the other three women perceive the environment within Area X, in the hopes of controlling the mission and perhaps of making reason of unreason in the minds of the expedition so that communication can happen between them and whatever is creating Area X. There really is a throbbing tunnel, though. I'm still in the afterglow of having finished the series. I liked it very much. Vandermeer displays in the series what it truly means to know your characters.
Every V.C. Andrews novel ever written- A perfectly gorgeous heroine is tortured by the author with incest, evil authority figures, and a great deal of angst.
Harry Potter book One through Six: Three pubescent students of magic go on term long adventures that always happen to coincide with the school year. The baddies are even kind enough to plan their evil around their midterms and finals. Harry Potter Seven: Pretty much the same thing except now the kids have finished puberty and didn't go back to school. Yay camping!
The tell tale heart by Edgar Allan Poe Someones knock knock knocking on someones floor. (sung to the tune of Bob Dylan's - Knocking on Heavens door)
Here is a literary classic:- It: Unfathomable decision to take a terrifying clown and turn it into a tediously unfrightening giant spider.
Clockwork Orange- Grand Theft Auto for readers. "Hey, kids! Ever wanted to be deranged criminals but don't have enough money to buy a console and Grand Theft Auto V? Then read this book you miserable sickos!" Jane Eyre- Um... A woman is angry about the state of the world? She decides to burn down a mansion because of this? 50 Shades of Grey- Possessiveness and dominance is totally OK in a relationship. TOTALLY! Beowulf- Damn it feels good to be a badass hero...until you get too old to fight and must fight a dragon thanks to a thief's stupidity. A Tale of Two Cities- A British dude gets himself into HUGE trouble in the French Revolution because he can't keep his stupid mouth shut. Moby Dick- A one-legged guy is a dick to a white whale...for being a dick about nomming off his leg years ago. Anyway, 99.9% of the book is spent teaching you how to hunt whales like they used to back in the day (because, y'know, EVERYONE in 2015 is desperate for that sort of useful knowledge in their day-to-day life) and 1% is spent on the actual plot. Stereotypical Native Dude #251,324,666 passes along sage advice, dies. Everyone else dies including one-legged dickweed. But that's OK, because the protagonist DEMANDS you call him by..um...what was his name again? Jonah, right? Yeah, his name must be Jonah... Dracula- When vampires were actually SCARY! DUNE- A bunch of people on a desert planet fight over water. Oh, and I think there's a rich dude somewhere... The Brothers Karamazov- Russian siblings get into all sorts of stuff that either kills them, ruins them, or lifts them up to prosperity. Adventures of Huckleberry Finn- A story about a white boy and an escaped slave. Yes, people, 'coming of age' stories were around even in the late 1800s. Death of a Salesman- Um, it's in the title. A salesman dies. Guess he pissed off the wrong customer... One Hundred Years of Solitude- An Introvert's wet dream (disclaimer: I'm an introvert) The Grapes of Wrath- Not only did the author totes rip this title from 'Battle Hymn of the Republic', but it is, sadly, not about a bunch of grapes exerting wrathful vengeance. The Metamorphosis- AAAAAIIEE!! I'M AN INSECT! D:
The Death of Ivan Ilych - A man finally realizes he has wasted his life, but, hey, at least he realized it before he died so he can change his life around... (minutes later) Or not.
T.S. Eliot's poems: The Wasteland: 'Shit's fucked up, yo.' Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock: 'I'm way too cool for those pretentious pricks' OR 'A portrait of a beatnik hipster before beatniks or hipsters even existed'. On The Origin of Species by Charles Darwin: 'Guys, please don't hate me for this, but we have probably been wrong all along'. Eric Clapton's biography: 'Frankly, I'm amazed I'm even able to remember all this despite the Kilimanjaro of cocaine I've snorted in my life'. Most other autobiographies 'What in the hell went on back then?!?'
Biographies: "Christ, I hope I don't get any facts wrong or else this person's descendants are going to jump my shit!" To Kill a Mockingbird- Yet another coming-of-age story about dealing with racism. But don't worry, it's original because the main character is a girl! She doesn't kill a mockingbird, though.
The Great Gatsby- So this guy who's really rich has this girl he still loves, and she runs over this other girl with his sweet ride. Then Gatsby gets killed because that other girl's boyfriend is really angry. Then Nick holds this little funeral for Gatsby. Figure it out, guys. MM
Any Famous Five Book Children find a secret passage, thwart undesirables and eat tinned peaches whilst sleeping under rugs. Perfume Having no body odour makes you crazy. The Hunger Games Battle Royale but longer with less food
Catch 22 A book about pilots in WW2 that introduces too many characters in the first pages. You give up and download the film. This is piss poor with bad acting, buffoonery and crass innuendo so you stop the film half way through and commit back to the book. Only you don't fully commit so months pass and you have to start again. Again you don't quite get the praise lavished on it and give up with a 'what the heck' I'll watch the film just to appear learned. But the film's so piss poor with bad acting, buffoonery and crass innuendo that you stop again and commit back the the book. Only you don't fully commit....
Diary of a Wimpy Kid: A completely normal kid goes through the most likely scenarios of adolescence,but because it's drawn, it's funny!
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - The most accident prone factory in the world. Also the most unhygienic and full of shady labor rules. How the little man isn't sued is a mystery.
The Handmaid's Tale Implausible U.S. take-over scenario as springboard to an even more implausible dystopian society.
