That Moment...

TMW...

You're playing Super Smash Bros. U and realize that the AI is kind of stupid sometimes. No, Link, stop charging at things that aren't there. Wow, Zelda, what did you think would happen if you jumped off the stage and did a super jump?? *sighs* NO, Ganondorf, Mario is on the other side of you!!

 

Thank you, darlin'. It was a fun little exercise.

But I think I need to focus on the topics that set my fingers ablaze at the keyboard, while continuing to practice the silly things in the background, rather than keeping it my main focus. I started writing a piece about feminism in 2015, because the misconceptions cause me the most agonizing face palms on God's green earth. And I realized that I'm not sure I can cover this topic in a single article or blog post lol. So I'm going to try and figure out if I can write it in segments.

I'm also really passionate about drug/alcohol abuse and mental illness, so I'd like to cover those topics at some point as well. These all seem like downer pieces, but I'll find a way to sprinkle in a little comedic relief now and then. Lol.

As far as the silly stuff, I'll probably keep focusing on parenting woes, the universal truths no one talks about.

 

TMW it's 4:15 am, and you're awake taping paper plates to a wall (long story), and upon a quick gander at the ol' Facebook, you see that your meth addicted cousin posted a status two minutes prior. Then you think, "Fuck. It's probably a bad sign to be awake at an hour reserved only for those who relate to the movie Requiem For a Dream on a personal level."

 

TMW you realize that Zelda Comic, the very first sprite comic you read ended a year ago.

Then you realize he apparently quit the comic because there was simply no story to tell.

Huh. Interesting.

 

TMW you realize that, if you ate enough watermelon in one hour, you would give yourself water poisoning.

Everything really is toxic.

 

TMW when you read yet one more article about yet one more thing that is found to harbor fecal matter and decide, fuq it, it's all doodoo, all day, don't matter what you do do, it's doodoo.

 

That sounds strikingly similar to my main philosophy of life.

 

TMW... You're writing out the first two scenes and your overly-anxious brain wants you to sum up the entire plot and setting within the scope of the first two scenes. As well as the entire backstory of the main character and the NPCs she's with. Brain, do you not understand the concept of pacing!? Of course you don't!!

TMW... You are writing from the perspective of a blind character and he/she suddenly asks what the city they just entered looks like. Goddamn it, Mishu!!! I suck at describing fantasy cities. >:[

TMW... You look at Wrey and wonder if he should avoid said doodoo sites like the plague.

TMW... You realize that 2015 is just about half over. Good Lord, who told Ocarina of Time Link to quicken the hours?

TMW... You remember this strange scene from Dragonball Z where Goku and Piccolo save a bus full of children from going over a cliff and you can't remember the episode it came from.

TMW... You say to yourself, "I'm going to spend all day writing" yet spend it playing Minecraft on the PS4.

 

TMW you're proofreading a translation done by an effing translation agency and wonder if their translators are serious about using demonstrative pronouns as definite pronouns in a language that is not supposed to have neither definite nor indefinite pronouns.

Nooope. Delete. Re-write. Highlight. Get back to me when you've gotten that habit out of your system.

 

Ha!

(These are "translator-specific moments", y'all.)

TMW you get a project that was already done by someone else in the past and they tried to apply the pronoun dropping rule of the source language to the product language, because, you know, in English there's no need for pronouns, the verbs tell you everything you need to know.

Also....

TMW you are redoing someone's previous project, and just for fun you pass the source text through Google Translate and, oh, yep, the exact same original "product" pops up.

Also....

TMW, you realize that regardless of how garbage the prior two translations were, the "translator" probably got paid.

Also...

TMW you realize, through reading the translations done by other Puerto Ricans (you are also Puerto Rican), that most Puerto Ricans cannot hear the subtle difference between its, it's, and is, given that in every place where one of these would occur in the English product, the only one that is ever used is is.

 

I have the opposite problem. Please drop the pronouns Mr/Mrs. Redundant; we aren't inflecting those verbs for fun, are we? "No but yeah but no but, it was in the source text!"

I can already sorta kinda recognize a translation done by a starving student, so I just feel sorry for them. They're underpaid and overworked, and unfortunately it shows.

 

TMW... You are reading a fantasy book and the MC had just named her infant son after the guy who once sold her into slavery decades ago and came damn near close to killing everyone in the last book or two.

OK, OK, I need to get this off my chest: I'm not about to judge you on who you want to name your kid after, but here's a suggestion: name your kid after someone you respect. Not someone who treated you like shit. Even if he did die redeeming himself at the end (I'm looking at you, Snape!) Someone give that woman a baby naming book, because clearly she doesn't know how to pick good names.

EDIT:
OK, I also concede that maybe he did something that changed her mind about how bad he was, but still, a little more thought here would be nice!

 

TMW you've only had about 5 hours of sleep in the past 48 hours, spending a consecutive 43 of those hours awake.

 

TMW...

You google the name of an author you're starting to really like, only to learn on his wiki entry that he died last year of colon cancer and the book you're reading, Kalimpura, was one of his last works. Written a year before he died.

Yeah...

 

I know this feels. Felt it when I learnt Douglas Adams had died the year before I went looking to see if he'd written anything else.

 

It would really suck if Kalimpura wasn't intended to be the last book Jay Lake intended for his Green series. I'm willing to bet that this was literally the last book he actually wrote and published before the cancer took him. EDIT: Well, there is some good news, that was going to be the last book of the Green trilogy. As far as I know.

Sorry to hear about Douglas Adams. It's painful to lose authors we've come to love. Especially when we're the novices in their world, little bright-eyed children gathering around the well-worn fire anxious for the next story.

 

I've liked Lake for some time. He wrote about his illness, and more than anything it seemed he really wanted to make it to his daughter's high school graduation. He didn't live long enough. I remember seeing the posts the morning he died - it was very sad.

 

That moment you wish you were a belligerent asshole that can't control their commentary if you could trade your self control there for self control in chess. -_- Yes, police believe alcohol was a factor in this post [double -_-].

 

TMW you're on the "what if a country was in human form and was my boyfriend" fiction side of the internet.

 

Wut?

 

It's the internet. Anything is possible. Anything.

 

I'm imagining personifications akin to something like this:

http://satwcomic.com/the-nordic-fellows

(Check out the artist-author's impression of the USA. It's not going to surprise you).

 

I already have an idea of what it is without clicking on it.

 

Obnoxious, blond, tanned, wears Canada as a hat...