How to write realistic dialogue

Me too. My characters talk out loud through me. I go on walks and let the characters talk out loud to each other. As soon as I say something I don't think the character would say, I know it and go a different direction.

I don't know about anyone else, but acting my characters out works for me.

 

I do this every night before I sleep. Not aloud, but the same idea.

 

Well, firstly, dialogue isn't what people would say in real life anyway. It's a simulation of conversation intended to move a story forward, reveal character, yada-yada-yada—all that stuff you've heard before, BUT...

The best approach to dialogue is to figure out what the characters are trying NOT to say. Then have them say things that will disguise (successfully or not) the fact that they're trying not to say what they're trying not to say.

I know. It sounds absolutely insane. But that's how I was taught and it works.

 

I think until you have gain more adult experiences you may want to limit your characters to around your age or lower, the main ones at least. I only say this because you are having problems with writing realistic characters because they sound too young. Generally I don't think a write needs to limit their characters age.

 

Self-talk is a method that some people do, basically, it's akin to talking to oneself. If you do this then it increases the authenticity of your dialogue.

I often talk to myself, and not just to harness my writing.

I have a natural skill when it comes to dialogue, so perhaps the years of self-talk has helped.

 

I make up a little mental checklist to keep my dialogue on track -
Cut out the small talk - it's boring unless you're making a point like in the movie Marty
If I've seen this dialogue 1000 times before in a thousand other books, movies, tv shows, I don't want to be 1001 - scrape it.
Be scene focused, not plot focused. Meaning the dialogue should keep to the scene not to driving the plot.
Keep some conflict/tension in the dialogue. When people agree on a point there's no discussion.
Don't be so now focused. Let dreams, future ambitions, past mistakes or events slip into the dialogue.
Not every word that comes out of my characters mouth needs to be nice, pc, intelligent, thoughtful.
Keep things simple unless the character is a windbag. Sometimes how it's said, or the impression the words give are more important than the actual words.
Use humor, whimsy, sarcasm - or if you're in a cynical mood counter it by - using romanticism, gentleness, kindness
When things seem dull turn the dialogue into a metaphor
Use idiosyncrasies, in jokes, repeat or pet phrases.

Read it out loud.
If it goes on too long - chop it down.

 

I was thinking about this dilemma this morning and realized that for new writers today, it's more of a problem than it used to be. Even just ten years ago, it was possible to sit in a restaurant (or some other public space) and listen to how people converse. It was a good way to learn the rhythms of conversation. But these days, everyone's got their faces in their phones and the closest most come to conversing is texting. Two problems with this: 1) you'd have to look over someone's shoulder to know what the conversation was (I won't list the problems and possible consequences of this, but I'm sure you can guess) and 2) a texted conversation relies far too much on shorthand to be of real help when it comes to writing dialogue.

So, the best thing I can suggest is to hang out where phones are banned.

 

I don't know where you live that that's the case, but it's certainly not here. I really do think people overstate the degree to which phones rob us of conversation.

Of course, I live in Latvia so listening in on people speaking wouldn't be much help for writing English dialogue even if i understood Latvian/Russian.

 

It's right below my avatar every time I post.

 

Not for those of us who only come here on their phones, I'm afraid.

 

Well, I must say, if you're using your phone when visiting this site, I'm impressed with your lack of typos.