Mental Health Support Thread (NOT for giving medical advice, or debating)

IDK whether this is the depression talking or just the reality of my sitch, but I feel like things have just gone from down hill to the bottom. Creating an inverted plateau if you will. Where no matter what I try to do to pick myself back up everything goes nowhere. In a way it feels like ever since my divorce everything went to hell and a hand-basket, and then got stuck to the floor. As an added bonus I feel that I am being punished even though I did nothing wrong, while me ex gets handed everything after what she did to me. Life seems to be against me, can't get a job for some inexplicable reason (and no it is not for lack of trying cause the score card is pretty high on the applications and the interview count is abysmally low). My friends can't really help me cause they are always busy or whatever. Been toying with the idea of ultimate consequence, which in turn makes matters worse because then I would feel a million times guiltier that I broke a promise on top of leaving this rock behind. I know this must sound weird coming from one of the class clowns, but life right now is about as worth it as kissing a freight train at full speed. In a way I feel like I am imprisoned for a crime I didn't commit, and would much rather not be anymore. They always say it gets better, but they have apparently not had their life become the butt of some cruel joke. I am on the edge of everything, and just don't really see any options. Well that is life I guess: birth, screw you, death, nothing. So done pretending there daisies when all I am handed is dog shit. FML

 

Sorry to hear that. There's this saying (this is the gist of it): before heaven hands down a great gift, it must prepare you for it through hardship. I think it was Japanese proverb, and I guess it's kind of lame or whatever, but it has stayed with me for a long time. Even now, as I live in a life situation where severe health problems limit the things me and my husband can do and achieve, I sometimes think back to that staying. Maybe we're being tried, and prepared, for something great. So I don't know, maybe you're being prepared as well for something awesome, like a new opportunity, or love, or something else that will help you find happiness again.

Also, this British writer/martial artist/lifestyle coach called Geoff Thompson has helped and inspired me. He writes quite a lot about fear and stress, and has really helped me deal with a lot of baggage. Not sure if he'd be of help to anyone else, but books like Warrior, Fear - The Friend of Exceptional People, Everything That Happens to Me Is Great and A Book for the Seriously Stressed have carried me over some bumps and given me strength to deal with pretty daunting challenges. I'm not a new-age kind of person, but his messages have always resonated with me.

Anyway, all the best to you. I really hope things will turn out for the better. They usually do.

 

If you mean your post in the mental health support thread. Yeah, it's fine. As the OP wrote:

The only thing we mods try to weed out is bickering and arguing because it's supposed to be the kind of thread where people can talk about their mental health problems and challenges without the fear of getting judged or treated like shit for what they've got going on. However, at the same time it's not the kind of thread that provides professional medical advice, so whatever help, support, and advice people pick from that thread -- follow it at your own discretion.

I read your post, and I'm sorry to hear about your struggles. Child abuse is terrible, and I too have witnessed its effects in my loved ones. I've understood the scars open particularly often when entering a romantic relationship, and they can definitely be long-lasting.

 

Not meaning to hijack the thread and start a discussion here but if these are the reasons why you don't want to see a psychologist, I think it can be important to address said reasons. I only want to help if I can, not disagree for the sake of starting an argument.

You seem to think that your psychologist is suppose to be a close personal friend. He/She is not. A psychologist is a professional who's there to help you with your issues any way they can. And as a professional, they will never talk about their own issues, their own personal views, morals or beliefs. If you meet a psychologist that do, you should immediately find someone else. It's not their job to disagree or agree with your morals or beliefs. In fact, a large part of their job is to ask questions, not make statements. You're the one doing most of the talking. They are only there to help with the issues that brought you there. So whether or not you have contrasting views in life doesn't matter one iota. They are there to ask questions, not preach morals. Many psychologists go to see other psychologists from time to time to talk about their own issues, but it would be shockingly unprofessional if they ever brought up their own issues, views or morals with a patient.

No, the argument is not that they don't have to go through the same situations. The argument is that they go to school for (at least where I live) 7 years to learn about any issue you might have and how to help you. By your reason and logic in the above statement a doctor is not qualified to treat diseases he hasn't himself had. To me that sounds absurd.

This is not a problem with psychologists. This sounds more like your own problems with trusting people. You seem to think that the psychologist has any interest in sharing your problems and history and that the friends and family of said psychologist has any interest of hearing about some random patient they've never met. The other problem with this statement is that you assume that no one is capable of honoring the doctor-patient confidentiality, which again sounds more like your own trust issues and not a fact of life. You seem to think a psychologist is a person who gets a lot of juicy information that he just can't wait to share with the world, and in that scenario a piece of paper may not seem like much of a guarantee, but I seriously doubt that's realistic. In fact, I would say it's more realistic that as soon as the psychologist leaves the office, he is like any other human being with a job and doesn't want to think or speak about work until he's back in the office the next day.

Again, a psychologist (I don't know exactly who you're referring to when you say 'therapist' but if you're going to see someone, I would assume you would go see a psychologist) is someone who's gone to school for 7 years, at least where I live. In addition they have to keep up to date on a number of issues, research, development and so on, so even after 7 years of studying, they have to study a lot for work as well. I have a close personal friend who works as a psychologist and he had certain hours of certain days put aside for reading and doing research as well as he often traveled to seminars and lectures on different psychological topics. Yes, psychology and psychological issues are evolving as we learn more and more and treatments evolve to become better and better (thank God for that!). That doesn't mean they're unable to help, it just means that as research develops and with more knowledge and experience, they're able to provide even better help than before. Just because we don't have a perfect treatment for cancer yet doesn't mean no one can receive any help whatsoever.

Here's the definition of 'pop psychology' according to Wikipedia: "The term "pop psychologist" can be used to describe authors, consultants, lecturers and entertainers who are widely perceived as being psychologists, not because of their academic credentials, but because they have projected that image or have been perceived in that way in response to their work"

Trained, professional psychologists don't use pop psychology (and if you find someone who does, then run away and find someone else). To even suggest that is an insult. I don't think anyone is more annoyed by 'pop psychology' than professional psychologists and I don't think anyone works harder to debunk such pop psychology than the professionals.

If no one got any help from psychologists, they wouldn't have a job, it wouldn't be a profession and no one would train to become one. Yes, unlike a lot of medical issues, psychological issues can take time, sometimes months, sometimes years. It's not because they're trying to squeeze as much money out of you as possible but because they understand that a lot of psychological issues take a lot of time to resolve. A big part of that I think is because unlike medical issues where a doctor can prescribe something, do a medical procedure and fix something, in psychology the patient has to work on their own issues which involves understanding themselves, understanding their situation and issues and, often, I think it involves a long period of healing as well. Psychology is not a quick fix and the steep prices match the level of education, not the price of their new boat.

In what position are you to determine that a trained psychologist is a joke? What qualifications do you have that you can take a position above them, with enough knowledge to decide who's a joke and who's not? And how many interviews or how much research have you done to even make that statement? And if you know who's a joke, then why not go to someone who's not?

Why wouldn't they have good intentions? Why would anyone put themselves through 7 years of very expensive school to ... do what exactly? If they're not there to help, then why are they there? What can they possibly gain by not having good intentions? Do you have the same trust issues with other professions as well? Because that's what it sounds like, trust issues. And I think you should see a psychologist about that (that was a joke btw )

How would you measure if a patient is more intelligent then their psychologist? I did a lot of tests with a neuropsychologist (trying to work out if I may have AD(H)D or not) and whether I have a higher IQ than him or not is completely irrelevant because he's the only one who knew how the tests were to be performed and the only one who understood the results (believe me, I got the results in the mail and I couldn't work out what any of it meant). I can guarantee that any psychologists you meet with has a ton more RELEVANT KNOWLEDGE than his patient and the ability to use that knowledge to treat a patient is the only intelligence that matters in this situation. Even if I have a higher IQ than my psychologist, I could never treat a patient of his because I don't have that intelligence, the knowledge nor the ability to use said knowledge in relevant cases.

Now I don't mind you venting on this forum in the appropriate thread, I think that can be healthy and I encourage you to do so if it helps you. I'm not going to try to convince you to go to a psychologist either. I think you should only do so if you believe he can help you. But if the reasons you listed is the only reasons you don't want to go, I hope you see that these aren't legitimate reasons for not going and maybe they are excuses for not going for some other underlying issue? I don't know, I'm not a professional and I try my best not to act like one.

Anyway, wish you all the best. Even if you are an anonymous person online there is a real person behind those words written and they come from the experiences of a real person, and that's why we should care.

 

Thanks to @Jack Asher and all of his great advice and help, I was able to find a psychologist who specializes in assessment and offers a hefty discount to private pay patients. I have an appointment on the 10th. Not only am I super excited to figure out what my deal(s) is(are), but it will be a huge help in my upcoming court case to have an official diagnosis of anxiety and panic disorders. That portion of the evaluation I know I'll "pass." I'm a little nervous though. I'm not good at being vulnerable and laying all of my shit bare. Any advice on how to overcome that is welcome.

 

From what I've observed when it comes to therapy (and, for that matter, to pharmaceuticals), it seems quite idiosyncratic. I know people who have been helped a great deal by therapists, and others who tried multiple therapists over the course of years and ultimately don't think they received any benefit from it (whether they actually did or not is, I suppose, another story). I also know people for whom meds could, without exaggeration, be said to have saved their lives. And I know some others who spent a long time trying medication after medication, with no relief and sometimes getting worse, before deciding to ditch meds altogether and finding that they're doing much better without them. Based, anecdotally of course, on friends, family, and the like, it seems to me that it is difficult to make broad generalizations about therapy or medicines and then try to apply those generalizations to any individual (which is something that doesn't work well with any kind of generalization). It seems that a given individual won't know if therapy is going to help them or not, or what if any meds may help them, without having tried those options. Neither is suitable for everyone, but either (or both) also help a lot of people.

 

That's good. It's usually really difficult to find Private pay psychs that are affordable. Also court case for anxiety? Whats that about? If you don't mind me asking

 

You can read all about that lovely drama here:
https://www.writingforums.org/threads/what-happened-to-the-lounge-writing-prompts-ect.145819/page-36#post-1442651

 

It sounds like you're assuming that a therapist is someone who tells you--who in fact decrees--what's right and what's wrong, and who gives you orders, with no explanation, that you obey unquestioningly.

I don't think it works that way.

 

That's awesome . I still remember the feeling of finally getting help, as well as my first visit to a psychologist. It's like suddenly you can breathe again; the noose has loosened.

 

There really is no indicator of whether a therapist is going to be effective treating a patient, other than one: the strength of their emotional bond with the patient. (This is why that post up there is such skull breaking idiocy.) At long as a therapist is able to form a positive relationship with a patient, that patient has a 90% chance of seeing a positive effect on their life. That 90% is self reported, of course, but a therapists job is not to solve your problems, but to help you feel about the fact that you have problems. Sometimes you can then solve them yourself. Sometimes you can't. A war refugee having nightmares can see a positive effect from therapy, despite the fact that they are still in a war, and having nightmares.

But that relationship is a two way street, and I've met a lot of people who didn't like their therapist, or who actively lied to them, or who thought their therapist was stupider than they were and treated them with contempt. And in that case, you're not going to get a lot out of therapy, and that isn't necessarily the therapists fault.

That's why I don't have any time for people who aren't trying to get better. Working with a therapist isn't effective unless you're actively working on yourself while you do it.

 

Sorry for all the people struggling. This too shall pass.

 

Yes, that makes sense to me. At least one person I know who tried therapy for years and found it ineffective went in from the start with the conviction that therapy was a waste of time and wouldn't do any good, but he was getting desperate enough to say "Fine, I'll try anything." My thought was going in with that attitude would actively harm the therapy process, and any prospect for help, but at the same time I hoped that maybe spending time with a therapist would get him to change his mind over time and give it an honest shot. Instead, he hopped from therapist to therapist and never really got any help from any of them.

 

My brother says that "therapy doesn't work on me," while seeing a therapist he held in contempt, and actively disregarding any of her suggestions.

I haven't talked to that brother in four years. Ever since he told all my friends and family that I sexually abused him. This turn of events was quite a surprise to me, because that never fucking happened.

 

Well, here's a notion I think we can all agree with: A writing forum is not the location for anyone to get medical advice from anyone on anything. No one here is a vetted medical professional. This thread was obviously napalm from word go and, frankly, I'm tired of monitoring the shitty behavior herein. Members in need of medical attention should seek out medical professionals. This thread is done.

 

I'm reopening this thread, but I would like to remind everyone to keep this supportive and positive. If you notice offensive or bullying content, please report the offending post.

I would also urge you to refrain from debating outside the Debate Room. Non-writing related debates should be there, so if a controversial subject comes up, you can start a new thread in the Debate Room.

We would like to keep this thread open, so keep it tidy, folks.

 

Thank you @KaTrian. It's much appreciated, as is all the work you've done behind the scenes to keep things friendly.

I've amended the title and will amend the OP to try and help keep this thread supportive, not disruptive.

 

My novel is my escape. Just like I can get lost in a book someone else wrote, I can also get lost in my own. I just shut out anything that worries me. Probably won't help when something I should be worried about gets neglected, but for the time I'm somewhere else, and it just doesn't matter.

 

Love that new unicorn.

 

Yay! Thank you @KaTrian!!!

 

So in a lot of my dreams i have a gun (that's not the worrying part, i was an MP for 5 years so its probably normal)
The problem is, no matter how hard i try, i can't pull the trigger.
I usually end up getting killed in some manner, and the jolt wakes me up.
They're not nightmares, i'm pretty calm throughout, but it still bother's me how i can't operate my weapon.

 

That's what I have to keep telling myself right now. I'm struggling to know whether I have PPD or just the baby blues, and whether I should give it time or talk to someone. I dread every new day and I just kind of want to run away and hole up in a cabin somewhere alone to write and sleep and be at peace. Not forever, but for a while. But I know this stage is just a stage, newborns grow and change and develop better sleep and digestion patterns - so I keep telling myself that it'll pass, it'll pass, things will change, things will change. Sometimes it helps. Sometimes it doesn't.

 

How old is your baby?

 

Dreams are so interesting to me. Are you in a situation where you're hoping to accomplish something, some idea, something pertaining to your writing, etc., but you can't seem to get started? It could be symbolic of anxiety surrounding starting something new, or if you're stuck in a situation in life that you feel little control over.

I have 3 recurring nightmares all the time. Either there is a tornado coming and I'm trying to get to safety, my teeth are falling out or they're horribly deformed, or I'm driving on an unfamiliar overpass trying to navigate the highway and my vision switches to an aerial view, and after a while of trying to navigate the car as someone would while playing Mario Kart, I eventually fly off the bridge.

I've noticed patterns with every single dream, which helps me understand why I'm having them, and how to readjust my thinking so they don't come back (at least for a while).

 

Thanks so much for reopening this. I must admit, I stopped following at around page 13, so when it got closed, I was very surprised. I had to go through the last few pages just to see what happened. But I'm very grateful you decided to open it again, because it's been a wonderful help to me and others here. Thanks mods!