Mental Health Support Thread (NOT for giving medical advice, or debating)

Mistakes happen, just learn from it and do better next time. When you're new at a job, you're gonna make lots of mistakes. Your boss, I imagine, wants you to do better. Trust me, I'm speaking from experience at my job.

 

Oh this was nothing to do with a mistake; I found a new job so I'm leaving. Boss is supportive but upset and doesn't want me to go!

 

I hate myself....

 

Want to talk about it?

 

<sits you down>

Come, come, tell Link all about it.

 

*lays out a selection of snacks and beverages while we all get comfortable*

 

I guess it's nothing. I just get into these moods where everything sucks and nothing is going right and I just hate life. So then I complain about how everything sucks, and then I feel like all I'm doing is complaining and that the people I'm complaining to just wish I'd shut up. So then I make the decision to just not talk because "if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all." Then those same people who I annoyed with my constant complaining get annoyed at my silence and beg me to tell them what's wrong. So I do, and, go figure, they get annoyed with my complaining, so I go right back to being quiet until....

It's a never-ending loop, and there's no winning.

I try to see the good, I really do. But when I hate my job and have no friends (other than my husband) and no life (other than video games and tv shows), I kind of run out of good things to appreciate pretty quickly, and all of the bad just crushes me. I know I need to talk about it to get it out, otherwise it'll just stew inside me until I'm ready to explode. But how can I talk about it when I know I annoy whoever decides to listen?

Ugh. It's just... really frustrating.

 

Other than talk with your husband, I would suggest the following:

Put the video games and TV shows away. I honestly, truly believe, the number one biggest problem are the electronics. If you're not enjoying all or at least some of the things life has to offer, it's the electronics. You should throw out the video games and never turn on the T.V. You're going to get so bored, something's going to happen.

 

I need help.

Last night I was driving to a friends, and I almost veered off the road twice. Not by accident. I set my eyes on a mailbox, and a guardrail. For a few seconds I didn't care, I was convinced that the quality of a gory car crash death would be equal to my life's status. I know suicide isn't the answer, I know how it would hurt my family, and it's always seemed selfish. But still, I only jerked the wheel last night in the nick of time.

I'm scared, if you want me to be honest. I'm terrified that if I don't get help that my parents will soon be weeping over my corpse, and I don't want that.

EDIT- I'm not.... overreacting am I?

 

^I honestly don't know what to say. And that's because everytime a walk over a bridge I wonder whether it would hurt jumping off it.
I wish I could give you some brilliant words that would guide you in the right direction but I can't.
All I can say is I wish I could say something. But that still wouldn't really help.
I just want you to know I've read it and that I don't want you to feel ignored.

 

O___O

I'm glad you told us. We can't accurately diagnose you, but yeah you definitely need to bring this up to your parents. Whatever reaction they'll have over this, they'll be glad you told them when you're getting the proper treatments.

 

I didn't want to trouble anyone, usually I'm strong enough to fight this on my own, but, I guess not anymore.

I've only been to a therapist once, never thought I would make it a twofer

 

I had the same urge during a car journey once. It was only once, and it was maybe five years ago, but it was scary.

I think only you know what you need to stop this happening again. Is there someone you can talk to? A doctor, even a friend?

You're not alone. Worst case scenario, we're all here, and we're not THAT bad.

 

It takes a braver person to admit when they're in a fight they can't win on their own. That's why the word "allies" exists. We're here for you.

 

@Lea`Brooks @Shattered Shields I don't really have anything helpful to say, just that I'm in a similar places to you both just now. God knows I don't want to be here. I wish I could hug the pair of you. Take care.

 

Unfortunately, I thought I had two "friends" who could help, but the first, when I told him, said the rough equivalent of "that sucks", and then went on a half hour exposition over his plans for the week. The other did a similar deal, and finished off the call by telling me that I wasn't depressed, which made me feel ten times worse.

I greatly appreciate the feedback here. It helps. Thank all of you very much.

 

And then you feel kind of p*ssed off with said friends and unsure how justified that is, and you don't want to let them know you're p*ssed off because, as unhelpful as they were, they're the only place you have to turn for this stuff? Or that's how it is for me anyway: get in a flap, try to handle it yourself, go to friend, get massively underwhelming response, get angry with friend, go back to trying to deal with things yourself, eat everything.

 

I wanted to feel angry, but I couldn't. I feel empty

 

Today had been one of my bad days again.
It started off with me not being able to read which is a bad sign for me. The words all just seemed bounce and mean nothing.
The morning after that was alright.
Then around midday I got a message from my friend, now probably in all honesty my only one, about how he is doing on his placement out in the phillipines.
And me? I'm searching for jobs daily, finding I'm not qualified for any of them. I've submitted some applications but nothing has came back.
This friend out in the phillipines had been my rock through out college and he told me I could message him any time but I feel so bad I'm not giving anything back. I ask him how he is and he says general things about being fine. I don't think he is though and I feel so selfish offloading on him. I just feel so bad.
And then so I cried about that.
Then I couldn't eat at all. I had a fight with my dad over it as he'd paid money for that food but I really couldn't eat. I just have a scraping feeling in my stomach, it makes me feel sick. Wasting the food and arguing made me feel even worse.
I couldn't focus on too much, so I looked for little things, I started pulling at my hair which I hadn't done in a while. I wrote little things that now, a few hours later, don't even make sense. I sat poking holes in things. I just felt, and still feel listless. I always feel on the verge of crying and I just don't know what to do with myself.

 

^ Oh Christ, I'm sorry about all that. Let me know if you ever want to talk: I won't have the answers, but I'll be here. And searching for a job? Yeesh, I know how that feels. When I didn't have the job I could slowly feel myself crumbling under the weight of all the ‘nopes’. There's only so much you can handle before you just break. Not gonna lie, I damned near became an alcoholic.

But in any event, let me know if you ever want to talk.

----

You know what I just realized? My anxiety meds are really working! Here I am, at the end of my three-day weekend before I go back to work and prior to the meds I would be racked with guilt while my anxiety made me feel like a complete failure and loser for spending most of it playing Fallout 4 and surfing the net. Now? Post-meds? While I still feel the ‘voice’, I'm in more control of it. I feel like I can actually ignore it and just do whatever the shit I want to do. Yeah I played Fallout 4 for three days straight, so what? Besides, I got some writing down and did some exercise so that was good but still, so what? My anxiety isn't the boss of me; it doesn't get to decide how I'll live my life.

 

Does anyone else have problems working because of their mental health issues?

I hadn't worked for over two years before I got this job, during which time my anxiety increased. I thought having a job would be great. Get out of the house. Make new friends. Have a purpose.

But now I've realized I'm getting none of that, except getting out of the house. And despite how excited I was about it once, it's not all it's cracked up to be. I'm making no friends -- in fact, the longer I work there, the more people dislike me. I have no purpose. Anyone can do this job.

Sure, I felt accomplished in the beginning. But now literally all I feel is stress. My body is falling apart from it. Every day on my way to work, My body responds to the stress I didn't realize I was feeling. Nausea, muscle pain, stomach cramps, headaches. It wasn't until I had kidney pain on Friday that I even realized I was stressed. My body is literally shutting down because of this job.

So I started thinking about what's stressing me out. And I realized it's the pressure. If someone gives me a list of stuff to get done, I have to get it done, no matter what, because my anxiety says so. So I push myself too hard to complete the tasks. And I can't keep doing this.

I want to step down. Have less responsibility. Actually, if I'm being honest, I want to quit and go back to being a housewife. But my husband got a taste for the money and I'd feel bad doing that to him. So I guess I'm stuck? I don't know. I don't know what to do anymore. But I know I can't keep doing this. I'm just not cut out for it.

 

You want to know what lifts my spirits? [Crickets] I tell cringe-worthy jokes at open mics. Few things bring me more joy than silencing a room full of uncomfortable people - those who are reticent to laugh because they think they're watching a mentally challenged person on stage. I certainly do look (and act) the part.

 

I should do that if I'm ever on stage.

Well, just woke up with a panic attack about time. Specifically how there's a big project at work and I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to get it all done considering it's just little me doing most of it. My mind kept telling me how time was an illusion to bring small comfort, that no one ever has time. Time doesn't exist, etc.

It's funny how our brains just make up random things to worry about like that.

 

I cannot offer you advice for, when I was in school and facing a 'pass or fail' deadline, I adopted the philosophy used by the protagonist (who was in a trance) from my favorite movie at the time - Office Space. For those who haven't seen the hilarious (but now sort of outdated) comedy, his great idea was: "Work sucks. I'm just not going anymore."

Anyway, I'm a bit curious about your project, would you mind sharing some details about it?

 

I'm hesitant to share personal (and important) information related to my job online. I happen to like my job, thank you very much. Needless to say, it's just the usual anxiety you get when you have a big thing to do and the deadline is creeping up on you.