Mental Health Support Thread (NOT for giving medical advice, or debating)

Don't be so extreme - you guys were never that great, and you're not that terrible now.

The US is not special. American Exceptionalism is nonsense. You're just the same as everybody else, making the same kinds of mistakes everyone else makes. You've got a lot of power, yes, and giving all that power to someone like Trump is a hell of a mess, but your country itself hasn't changed that much.

People are fighting back against the Muslim thing. The people who were decent human beings before the election are still decent human beings after the election. And there are lots of them.

 

To be fair, I think it's almost the reverse - Trump didn't lie before the election, in terms of his plans, but everyone assumed he was lying (and maybe because, as you said, he lied about so much else). But most of the horrific things he's done since he took office were things he made it very clear he was going to do. So either people didn't believe him, or they didn't care.

 

Can I have my own moment of despair, please? I know America isn't special or exceptional, but that doesn't mean I have to like knowing that my country is basically acting like Nazi Germany right now.

 

Sorry, yes, of course. It's all terrible. Carry on with your flag-induced shame and disgust.

 

Oh ha ha. But seriously, Trump is terrifying as fuck and reading about the whole Muslim thing kind of put me in a bad mood. I needed to vent so here I was. Feeling a bit better now, but...yeah, you're right, America done fucked up BIG TIME with this...

 

OK, to be fair, I might have blown it up quite a bit. Maybe we just need to quit looking at politics for a while and try to find the good in humanity. For ever horrible asshat, there are dozens of good people.

 

(Back to topic)

Any tips on how to handle days when your anxiety just picks and picks at your brain and won't leave you alone? This is what is happening to me now.

 

When I'm anxious, I try to bury myself in a good book or favorite video game. Or do something slow like a slow stroll or painting. Key for me is to do something slow, steady, and so freeform or easy that it's hard to get anxious about it anymore. Bob Ross helps.

But anxiety is harder to deal with XD. At least when I'm depressed I can take a nap and wake up feeling a little better later.

 

That's what I do, try to distract myself but sometimes the anxiety gets loud, y'know? It's like when you're trying to watch TV but someone's blaring loud music the room above you drowning out the show. You're right, sometimes a good walk can drive out the anxiety or at least tamp it back down to more manageable levels.

 

Yeah. It's rough sometimes for sure.

Spoiler

 

I've been back and forth considering posting here for the past few weeks, but finally, here I am.

I guess I was scared my feelings would be disregarded because I'm just a teenager and it's just hormones? idk maybe that will still happen, we'll see.

I just need to rant, just a bit.

I'll en-spoiler it.

I don't think I need to put a Language Warning on this but I will anyway.

Spoiler: Rant

You do not have the right to come in, manipulate me using something you know is a sensitive subject, and then tell me to “stop being hyperactive.”


No. No. It’s in the fucking name. Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.


“You still have some form of control, you have a choice.”


I fucking don’t. I have tried, and I’m sorry that I am the way I am, but you chose to have sex and make me, and if you’re not going to accept who I am entirely, I might as well just stop trying, shouldn’t I?


Because ALL YOU DO IS YELL.


Or CRITICIZE.


It may be “helpful criticism”, but it has been wearing me down slowly for the past five years, and I’m done, I’m so done with it, you don’t know, but I have almost self-harmed, and I have almost done something I regret.


I can’t take it anymore, mom.


I can’t say something without it being thrown back into my chest a hundred times as hard.


I’m not allowed to have negative opinions of you, apparently, cause those make you yell and scream and just generally make that opinion worse.


So I shut up and endure and you complain about me not wanting to talk but when I do you just criticize my thought process, Mom, I’m what most of society calls mentally screwed up, yelling at me isn’t going to help, dad, screaming at me is not going to teach me how to be a better person, and you need to learn that, before I do something that I really regret, cause I don’t want to do that, I swear I don’t, but—


What you’re doing is emotional abuse, guys. But I can’t tell you that because it’s completely unintentional, and you’ll just fucking deny it and punish me for thinking that, and who knows one day I might just up and commit suicide and that’s when you’ll realize that oh shit—


And then there’s the fact that I’m too compassionate for my own good, because I can’t see people I care about in pain because of something I did. Once it finally sinks in that you guys are hurting me, everything will fall to shit and nothing will be okay anymore. The family will fall apart, and god fucking damn it, I refuse to be a part of that. I’m not going to leave my sister alone when I go to college with split parents and an overprotective and cautious mom and a dad who cares too much— no. I fucking refuse.


But I can’t just fucking sit here for the next two years, I can’t just sit here and endure because I’ve already been doing that all my fucking life.


I don’t know what to do. Goddammit, I don’t know what to do, I’m lost, and I’m in pain, and I don’t see a way out that won’t cause awful damage, I just want to fucking leave I want to go I want to escape—


But here I am, behind bars, with a key that I’ve swallowed because I can’t stand the thought of using it.

I'm probably going to regret saying something when I'm in a better state of mind but tbh-- just fuck it I don't care right now

 

I know how you feel. Not exactly, of course, but I've had my fair share of issues with my family. The only thing that helped me get through it was building my own family.

You know the phrase "blood is thicker than water," yeah? People think it means your family, your blood, is more important than friendships. But the true statement is, “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” Essentially it's saying blood shed on the battle is more important that genetics.

My friends have stood by me in battle. They've held my hand, they've fought my fights, they've been my crutches. So they are my family, the people that I chose and chose me in return. Not the family I was forced into.

Keep your head up.

 

In other news, I'm so stressed out, I feel like any minute now, I'm going to combust. Yesterday I felt like a window full of cracks. Every time one more thing happened, I'd develop another crack. I've been putting bandaids on them, but it's just a temporary fix. Eventually a rock is going to come and shatter that fragile window.

But now I feel like a gas can on fire. It's only a matter of time before the flames reach the mouth of the can and the entire thing explodes. I'll just break into thousands of pieces and cease to exist.

The shitty part is, I don't know how to put the fire out. I'm just standing by, watching, knowing there's nothing I can do.

 

I keep having these feelings of dread and hopelessness. As if the future ahead will only be miserable and bleak. It started yesterday when we started reviewing "The Whore’s Child" and how unfair one of the characters was being treated and we came to the conclusion that life sucked and I was like: “Yeah I know life sucks. I don’t want to be reminded of it again. I’m trying to remain positive. I already get into these miserable bouts” Maybe I think too much.

 

I was diagnosed with clinical OCD by a psychiatrist. Every single task can be so difficult but the one that upsets me the most is my inability to concentrate on a book when I'm reading it. I've read the same exact first sentence in Brave New World by Aldous Huxley a million times. I got half way through the first chapter and went back to the beginning of the book because I felt I missed something. I read and reread and re-re-re-re-re-re-re-read multiple times until I'm no longer interested in reading. It's disheartening because I love books but I can't focus because of my inability to train my brain to say, "Hey, you are allowed to miss one sentence or not picture the big gray building exactly right to get the idea behind what's going on." I do the same when I watch movies or shows. It's depressing. Does anyone else have this same problem and how do you overcome it? I try to continue reading and I start obsessing. Sometimes I can continue, though, but most of the time it's like having someone repeatedly tapping my shoulder. And yes, I can get through a book but it's incredibly difficult and I take forever to read.

 

I guess the easiest question is: do you have medication? If so, you could try talking to your doctor about how it's not working as well as you'd like.

I don't have OCD specifically, but I do know to avoid certain types of media so as to not aggravate my brain, so I'm thinking maybe try reading/watching quite simple things - at least for a while - that might be easier to convince yourself there's nothing to miss with? If that seems like something you could actually enjoy (and haven't tried already).

 

I lost my health insurance because the state said my husband makes too much money, not taking into the fact that he pays for bills, groceries, rent, his own insurance, and so on. I can't force him to pay for my insurance. Why would I do that to him when he has so much on his plate already? Yes, I know with the Affordable Care Act we must have insurance or we will be fined, but it's more money to be on a health plan than to not have a health plan. It scares me being uninsured, honestly. I work a paid job now but not enough to afford to go back to a psychiatrist or therapist. I'm not lazy or I wouldn't have this job or continue applying or be helping out non-profit organizations in my spare time as a way of overcoming my depression by helping others. I've had trouble finding and keeping a job due to my mental health (I also suffer from severe panic disorder and depression) and the physical pains I would get from anxiety and depression are unbearable under extreme stress. I have applied at other places and I have the qualifications but I never even get called in for an interview. I've been bettering my interview skills, I'm socially awkward, but getting a call for an interview is the hardest part. I've done a few writing jobs in the past for pennies but I need a real stable job. It stinks but I continue looking. What can I do? I don't know.

 

Yeah, I feel you. Being uninsured is kind of terrifying. I have a few unaddressed health issues and all I can really do is shrug and say "Well, hopefully this doesn't just suddenly kill me" about. Mental health is possibly the worst since it affects your abilities to get and hold a job and can almost never be worked around or medicated OTC the way physical disabilities sometimes can.

I believe OCD is one of those things that is usually treated with medication alone, not therapy, but you could try researching CBT (I found this in a quick google). Obviously these are the kinds of things you're supposed to have a therapist for, but I've found the most helpful thing for managing my bullshit has been educating myself on it and trying to treat myself as a patient and talk to myself the way a doctor would. Not a medical professional; can only offer my own experiences as someone for whom actual doctors also aren't an option and is just trying to cope.

 

My OCD is very mild and almost non-existent these days, but when I used to have this problem when I was younger, it helped me to obsess on other things that the quality of my enjoyment/reading. For example giving myself brutally high page counts to reach or trying to complete very long lists of books that I wanted to read.

Whenever I get a lot of OCD now I tend to tell myself that something horrible is going to happen if I do what the OCD tells me to every time, and that tends to stop it. I realize I'm incredibly lucky and have a very mild case though. Someone in my family had a much more serious case of it, so I know what it can be like. Now it's mostly small things like trying to make the last line in every paragraph in a forum post very long (which is pretty pointless since the posts look different depending on the size of your screen) and maybe my weird penchant for all kinds of lists. (This time I'm not really sure what to delete/add to make the paragraph look right, so I'll just write this.)

 

This is probably identical to the last post I wrote in here but... I feel constantly on the edge of breaking down for the last month or so. I need a break from life. I need to not have to go to work but not have to worry about money, or supporting other people, or anything but myself. I need to be selfish for a while and I can't, because my mum is dependent on me for everything.

So... I just carry on, and hope it doesn't get worse.

 

I do think that would be best for me.

Unfortunately I can't live on SSP, even if I would ask to be signed off - which I won't, because I only started the job two months ago and it would be disastrous for my career to go on extended leave now.

I'll book some annual leave. That'll be a break to look forward to