Character Development Clinic

[JPGriffin]

I know it's not much, but I'm in a bit of a rush here-

Questions for Mihao:

1) How do you go about your business as an assassin, when you're blind?

2) Why are your parents proud and are encouraging you to become an assassin?

3) If you don't have said potion for your heart condition, how would you go about getting more?

[Link the Writer]

1) How do you go about your business as an assassin, when you're blind?
I'm part elf and part dwarf. My sensetive ears allow me to hear things better than humans, as is with the other elves.

2) Why are your parents proud and are encouraging you to become an assassin?
Because we serve our queen. We remove her enemies and potential traitors. My mother is an assassin as well.

3) If you don't have said potion for your heart condition, how would you go about getting more?
You mean if I wasn't at a city/didn't have enough money? <is silent>

[JPGriffin]

Alright, I need to remake one of my characters completely... I've tried "working" with him, but he's just too reclusive and self-reliable that he's not much of a character any more. (I'd like to compare him to Roland from Steven King's The Dark Tower series, but it's uncanny that King can pull something like that off...)

So, here we go. As a foreword, this is a fantasy setting.

Tanner (Last name to be decided) is a late-teens boy that's been down on his luck. He hates the lords he serves, but they are his only hope for lodging and food. He has no other way to get out of his rut, and his masters see in him a deadly ability. He's very quick and agile, and while a bit of a klutz (I tried spelling that thrice over, then tried spelling it in what seemed like the most incorrect way possible, which was correct- who knew?) with any weapons longer than his arm, he's very skilled with a knife and a buckler. Tanner wants out, and he's promised a large sum of money if he takes out a rivaling power. He is able to pull it off easily, but he discovers something he is utterly frightened of. He has killed before, but this time he had done so in cold blood, no regrets, no pity.

I guess what I really need to focus on is how one should feel losing that source of innocence, and where one would find refuge in a place which has been merciless to him even before. Bottom line, he needs that one extra dimension to sort of "fill" him in.

[James Berkley]

Alright, I need to remake one of my characters completely... I've tried "working" with him, but he's just too reclusive and self-reliable that he's not much of a character any more. (I'd like to compare him to Roland from Steven King's The Dark Tower series, but it's uncanny that King can pull something like that off...)

So, here we go. As a foreword, this is a fantasy setting.

Tanner (Last name to be decided) is a late-teens boy that's been down on his luck. He hates the lords he serves, but they are his only hope for lodging and food. He has no other way to get out of his rut, and his masters see in him a deadly ability. He's very quick and agile, and while a bit of a klutz (I tried spelling that thrice over, then tried spelling it in what seemed like the most incorrect way possible, which was correct- who knew?) with any weapons longer than his arm, he's very skilled with a knife and a buckler. Tanner wants out, and he's promised a large sum of money if he takes out a rivaling power. He is able to pull it off easily, but he discovers something he is utterly frightened of. He has killed before, but this time he had done so in cold blood, no regrets, no pity.

I guess what I really need to focus on is how one should feel losing that source of innocence, and where one would find refuge in a place which has been merciless to him even before. Bottom line, he needs that one extra dimension to sort of "fill" him in.

Where and how did he learn his skills at arms?
Why this particular lord?
Under what conditions have you killed before?
some little ideas

[Croga]

Alright, I need to remake one of my characters completely... I've tried "working" with him, but he's just too reclusive and self-reliable that he's not much of a character any more. (I'd like to compare him to Roland from Steven King's The Dark Tower series, but it's uncanny that King can pull something like that off...)

So, here we go. As a foreword, this is a fantasy setting.

Tanner (Last name to be decided) is a late-teens boy that's been down on his luck. He hates the lords he serves, but they are his only hope for lodging and food. He has no other way to get out of his rut, and his masters see in him a deadly ability. He's very quick and agile, and while a bit of a klutz (I tried spelling that thrice over, then tried spelling it in what seemed like the most incorrect way possible, which was correct- who knew?) with any weapons longer than his arm, he's very skilled with a knife and a buckler. Tanner wants out, and he's promised a large sum of money if he takes out a rivaling power. He is able to pull it off easily, but he discovers something he is utterly frightened of. He has killed before, but this time he had done so in cold blood, no regrets, no pity.

I guess what I really need to focus on is how one should feel losing that source of innocence, and where one would find refuge in a place which has been merciless to him even before. Bottom line, he needs that one extra dimension to sort of "fill" him in.

Depending on Motive for past murder, what was so different?
Once we have established that change then How did he feel in the past as opposed to now?
If in the past he felt guilty then Who did he kill? Why? What became of it?
If he did not feel guilty, then why would he notice it now?
Doe's he have any personality problems, curses, legacies or enchantments that protect him his emotions?
if so from where? why? How?
Why is his rut so bad? a-lot of people sit in poverty, why is opportunity alone an inciting incident?
If all he needed was a chance, why has he not killed and robbed from the lords?
in his fear of his amoral nature, is that not in a way a moral compass?
Does the character come from poverty, abuse, hardship and or suffering?

[Croga]

Sorry to double post, but this is a tempting discussion to jump into.
My four villains are interwoven and hard to rip open and pick the emotions and motives of one from the rest and develop each character independent.
Stefan Kastner is a closeted homosexual, his issues with authority, his insecurities, his rage and his immorality stem from his father's influence post sexual discovery. His father forced him into the arms of hookers and drugs aswell as sports and alcohol to try and drive his urges down and get him through this 'Phase'. the father even abused him once when they were drinking, driving them to a fist fight. His older brother Victor was a ladies man, with good influence over people and his brother looked up to him. Victor made the father proud and used his pull with the old man to stand up for and protect Stefan. Stefan left the family and their money to make his own fortune, but with a lacking education he needed his brothers help. he changed his name from Michael Van Dal to Stefan Kastner to signal a new era in his life.
Victor supported him, but not financially when the father threatened Victors inheritance. Stefan began dealing drugs to support his own habits.
he got clean and his drug dealing grew. his brother took over the family business and using his political and business contacts protected and sheltered his brother.
Out of a twisted sense of right and wrong Stefan began trafficking women. after his brother set him up with money and power he continued illegal activities using his new wealth to launder the money.
He has serious issues with women.

Victor Van Dal is well educated and influential, he talks people listen. he guides his beloved brother for his own safety.
He inherited a fortune and a huge company connecting mostly with hedge funds, banking and insurance. Not to be his father he Collapsed the empire and began trading in commodities like oil and gold solely.
His fortune grew and he stayed connected with the investment banking and insurance buying back into banking and financing political campaigns of power hungry politicians all over Europe.
He even set up MVD a trucking company in his brothers name old name and set up a chain of Wholesalers and chemical labs under the the same trading name, but not before setting up garages and bars that would also become part of his brothers portfolio.

Nicholas Graves is the homosexual love interest of Stefan, not mentioned on Stefan's bio is that Nicholas is an assistant in the human trafficking and catches Stefan's eye, but its not open at any time. Nicholas and Stefan's wife do not mix well, and yes Stefan is that deep in the closet.

Shane Reilly is a Kastners muscle and over all bad guy in charge of making sure people don't rip him off. Shane has many brothers,uncles and cousins and is a stocky built tall man with a calm and a long fuse, that can explode on command.
He is not a talented martial artist, instead of doing what he can't he just considers doing what you won't.
In one WIP scene He kicks a pregnant woman in the stomach, not because he is fighting with her, but because she is the love of his enemy and its an easy way to get in his opponents head.

Thanks for any questions that help me flesh out the characters.

[Corbyn]

Croga…. it seems you have a lot going on plot wise with your story. I know you said that you didn’t feel like you could separate out the characters to develop them but that’s got to be part of the problem your having with at least Victor and Stefan. So I will try to focus my questions to each character individually and hopefully that will help. (Please as always answer as if you are the character… Thanks!)

Questions for Stefan:

1. Do you feel like you’ve lived your life in the shadow of your brother’s successes? Has this helped you or hindered your goals?

2. What are your future goals? Would you consider goals that are not related to illegal activities?

3. Why do you have such major woman issues, aside from your preference for men of course?

4. If you could have dinner with one famous person who would it be and why?

5. What is your favorite drink? Food?

6. What wouldn’t you do to get what you want?

Questions for Victor:

1. Do you feel helping to basically finance and set up portions of your brothers activities will have a negative effect on your own aspirations?

2. What sort of family goals have you set for yourself?

3. If you could retire right now where would you retire to and why?

4. Do you consider yourself an essentially good person?

5. How far would you go to protect your brother?

[Croga]

You ask about my brother's shadow and the truth is that it has been a help and a hindrance and yes I have lived my live in the shadow of him and my father.
They were men I never could match, men I never would be. Following in the shoes of great men when you're so fatally flawed is not a recipe for success.
My brother was everything I wanted to be and his success in everything from education to business has hung over me, as if to say why try he has already mastered this and just like when we were young he had a 3 year head start on me and so has beaten me to my own dreams.
Some people wonder why we are so close, but its simple his is everything I want to be, but he is everything my father never was.
My goals for the future would, thats a tricky question, but I suppose a certain amount of security and stability would be prime. I have lived in four countries within six years and I despise my suitcase.
I also recently married a woman, so I guess, children perhaps maybe the white picket fence thing, isn't that what people do? Of course, but maybe the main reason I have pursued the life I have is that my brother has, in his usual protective manner ruled out my professional non illegal life for me, I don't fully know what I mean, but maybe I just don't want to treated like a child.
My father, it's like when a woman is raped, you see, my father would force me into the arms of women, cheap gutter women. He would stuff me full of pills and send me to a brothel. as if heterosexual sex would suppress any emotions and feeling I have towards men.
While my father is responsible, I refuse to believe that those women could not tell. I will not take that cop out, they knew and they abused, raped whatever you want to call it, they did it to me. I won't let that go.
For questions four and five Id pardon the guest possible distaste, but Id have steak and wine with Gandhi.
You see Gandhi, Gandhi made the whole world love him, but he was reportedly a racist. I'd love to know how you do that.
Personally I'd draw the line at torture, but thats why you can hire people to do it for you.
I believe once one has Identified a target its their duty to hit it. If what every gets in your way was meant to survive, then it will. I'm what my Brother calls a Social Darwinian.

---

Of course the association of an ethical company with an Illicit organization is a PR nightmare, but it will only ever harm me if I let it. For starters any money I have paid him is mostly Inheritance, gifts and investments.
I could quite simply plead ignorance on the matter. His organization is careful, we use mostly third parties and fall guys in our work, but to answer your question, yes.
I plan on getting my brother and his lovely bride to relocate with me and my family, once I have one, to the south of France, we can do something cliche like open a vineyard.
Perhaps my last answer would suffice, but the why would be simply, because that is what one does.
Maybe its a little strange, but I do value being able to have the things other people want and France is a common dream.
Good, is a rather broad term. When I drill in a middle eastern country for resources and put four family businesses in the US out of work is that Good? How about when I re-invest the wealth in American jobs and employ 40 families? I have battled this and I know where you're going with this, Stefan, and yes I consider a man looking after his brother a good man.
I would die for my brother and one must value there own life above that of any stranger. I guess once we spend so much time and energy helping anything, we never like to see it wasted.

[SeverinR]

Lycor is a small elven messenger for his town and several other small towns in the area, studying magic, with some background in scouting/hunting.
He is about the age of concent for elves(25)
He is 4'9"(small even for an elf) sensitive about his height, kids tease him calling him Aily. Lysar means wolf seeker, Aily means little wolf or wolf child. Small framed, excellent physical condition.
Goals; become a messenger in the military, train to become a minor mage, and continue to hunt and assist others in scouting.

While out searching for mushrooms(medicinal, not edible), he finds a small sleek swift flight dragon, a dragon hybred bred for speed. The dragon, Kethon, has been shot with a dragon crossbow. The dragon gives Lycor important documents for high ranking military only.
Lycor refuses to leave until the dragon has someone to take care of him.

In caring for the dragon the little elf(Sorry Lycor, it fits) links to the dragon in a unique bond, the dragon is sure he is dying and is upset that the bond happened, Lycor is happier then he has felt in a long time.
They get the dragon into a wagon headed back to the village, and Lycor begins the long trip to Capital city. Capital city is named this because the hero it was originally named for became a traitor and before an official name could be chosen, people called it simply Capital city)

Part of the dragon bond is sharing of energy, the slow drain on Lycor from the injured dragon takes its toll during the run. The elf does not realize he can stop the flow, but even if he knew, he is not sure he would have stopped it.

Lycor finds that Kethon is a well known dragon, and respected by most.

Kethon is a middle aged dragon, and no one believed he would ever bond with an elf.

[Ettina]

OK, I have a character that desperately needs fleshing out.

Cody is a boy who can see ghosts, in a society where most people don't believe in the supernatural, and the only one who knows about it and believes him is his single mother. He's also cripplingly shy and unassertive. Most living people ignore him, while ghosts, because very few people can see them, get really pushy trying to get him to do what they want. He's now in his teens and some ghosts have pressured him into doing various crimes, including something violent (not sure what yet). He got caught and is going through trial now, but during his psych assessment he cracked and mentioned the ghosts so they're thinking he might have some sort of psychotic disorder.

[Night Queen]

Well, this is the main character from a short horror story I just started writing. Usually, I try to plan out every detail before even thinking about writing a story, but this time i tried something new. Needless to say, I need a little more practice at it. Any help would be appreciated, just so i can nail down this characters personality.

Name: Claudia Baker
Age: 17
Personality: Claudia is, well, as my mother put it after reading an excerpt, pretty messed up. She's angry, and jealous and filled with hate mostly because her mother left when she was ten, and her father is a drunk without a job. The story is told like she is retelling the event, so she does show a little bit of regret for what goes on during the story, but thats mostly more because of what happened to her and less because of what happened to everyone else.
Conflict: The conflict is, admittedly, a little confusing. Claudia was always writing ever since she can remember, and she's really good at it. After her mother left though, her life pretty much just fell apart, and her writings, well, they lost their happy endings. When a new girl comes to school (i keep her unnamed) who is everything she is not (smart, beautiful and rich) claudia can't help but hate her. After a series of events, Claudia ends up writing the scariest and most gothic story she's ever written in which this girl she hates is the victim, and it ends up coming true.

I know it sounds kind of cheesy when i write it out that way, but if ya'll could ask some questions i think it would be really helpful. Thanx

[Ettina]

OK, some questions for Claudia.

Why did you single that girl out?

When you first noticed something you'd written about happening, what did you think was going on? How did you figure out the truth?

How do you know that you're causing the events instead of just predicting them?

When and why did you first start writing?

[Corbyn]

SeverinR - You have a lot going on in this story so I am not sure what your needing help in developing. Although you have mentioned a great deal about your plot I see no real back story for your elf. So my questions will be directed to that end.
1. Does Lycor want to join the military because he feels it is his responsibility or duty? If not is he doing so because it is a family tradition or simply a means to get away?
2. Why is Lycor interested in magic? Did something happen to him when he was younger that peeked this interest?
3. How does Lycor feel about dragons?

Ettina-

1. How did seeing ghosts affect Cody when he was younger? Has he been more empathetic to feelings? Or more estranged from people in situations because of it?
2. Does the daily routine of being in a jail setting scare Cody? Does he get to see his mother? To what end has his ability stretched their bond?
3. Does he have any friends that are spirits?

Night Queen-

1. Other than being everything that Claudia is not, has this “new girl” done anything to Claudia to make Claudia want to hurt or harm her?
2. What is this school like.. is it private/public.. gender specific like an all girl school? Is it strict limiting the opportunities for something bad to happen?
3. How does Claudia feel about the other characters around her? Does she have at least a few friends? People to vent to when things go to hell and back? How does she feel about common things like hanging out?

[Three]

Questions for Cody:

How old are you?

What do you do for fun?

Have you always been able to see ghosts? Can you remember the first time you did?

What happened to your father? Dead, divorced or other? Do you remember him? What was he like?

How hard was it for these ghosts to convince you to commit these crimes? How did they convince you?

Do you think you're insane?

[Erato]

Name: Claudia Baker
Age: 17
Personality: Claudia is, well, as my mother put it after reading an excerpt, pretty messed up. She's angry, and jealous and filled with hate mostly because her mother left when she was ten, and her father is a drunk without a job. The story is told like she is retelling the event, so she does show a little bit of regret for what goes on during the story, but thats mostly more because of what happened to her and less because of what happened to everyone else.
Conflict: The conflict is, admittedly, a little confusing. Claudia was always writing ever since she can remember, and she's really good at it. After her mother left though, her life pretty much just fell apart, and her writings, well, they lost their happy endings. When a new girl comes to school (i keep her unnamed) who is everything she is not (smart, beautiful and rich) claudia can't help but hate her. After a series of events, Claudia ends up writing the scariest and most gothic story she's ever written in which this girl she hates is the victim, and it ends up coming true.

How does Claudia feel about her father?
Did she love her mother?
So for the past seven years Claudia's been writing tragedy? What does she think about these tragedies? Does she write tragedy because she can't help it, or does she wish she wasn't writing tragedy, or is she writing tragedy as a conscious effort to express herself?
Does Claudia have friends she can talk to about her problems? I'm starting to sound like a psychologist, I know, but I think these are all things that would choose the audience's perception of the character, and might affect how she acts.


Seila, age 15, is a special slave who speaks two languages fluently (that of the slaves and common people, and that of the nobility). She's compassionate, resourceful, pretty.
Conflict: The plot begins when she learns she's not going to be married at 16 after all, which is a great disgrace, and she's so disgusted she runs away to find her own future somewhere. Well, she finds it all right; she meets the prince of the country, and two other friends, and they save the king from a plot and Seila marries the prince and lives happily ever after. I know it sounds cheap, but the actual thing is much more interesting.

[Erato]

Name: Claudia Baker
Age: 17
Personality: Claudia is, well, as my mother put it after reading an excerpt, pretty messed up. She's angry, and jealous and filled with hate mostly because her mother left when she was ten, and her father is a drunk without a job. The story is told like she is retelling the event, so she does show a little bit of regret for what goes on during the story, but thats mostly more because of what happened to her and less because of what happened to everyone else.
Conflict: The conflict is, admittedly, a little confusing. Claudia was always writing ever since she can remember, and she's really good at it. After her mother left though, her life pretty much just fell apart, and her writings, well, they lost their happy endings. When a new girl comes to school (i keep her unnamed) who is everything she is not (smart, beautiful and rich) claudia can't help but hate her. After a series of events, Claudia ends up writing the scariest and most gothic story she's ever written in which this girl she hates is the victim, and it ends up coming true.

How does Claudia feel about her father?
Did she love her mother?
So for the past seven years Claudia's been writing tragedy? What does she think about these tragedies? Does she write tragedy because she can't help it, or does she wish she wasn't writing tragedy, or is she writing tragedy as a conscious effort to express herself?
Does Claudia have friends she can talk to about her problems? I'm starting to sound like a psychologist, I know, but I think these are all things that would choose the audience's perception of the character, and might affect how she acts.


Seila, age 15, is a special slave who speaks two languages fluently (that of the slaves and common people, and that of the nobility). She's compassionate, resourceful, pretty.
Conflict: The plot begins when she learns she's not going to be married at 16 after all, which is a great disgrace, and she's so disgusted she runs away to find her own future somewhere. Well, she finds it all right; she meets the prince of the country, and two other friends, and they save the king from a plot and Seila marries the prince and lives happily ever after. I know it sounds cheap, but the actual thing is much more interesting.

[Pyraeus]

Questions for Seila:
1. Were you happy with your job at your old place?
2. What's the prince like?
3. What's his father like?
4. What's friend 1 like?
5. Friend 2?
6. How does everyone get on, does she keep the peace, or does she argue with certain people slightly?


Alistair Thorne, born with the name William, is older than most peoples grand-mothers. Around about 1000 years old. His mother, Victoria, is a powerful witch, and his father, Cain, is a powerful sorceror. Becuase of the immense energy signatures they had, Cain and Victoria were constantly in danger of being hunted down by their enemies. The birth of their two sons made things all the worse. They decided to seperate, each taking a child, so that they could avoid unneeded deaths. Cain took Robbert, Alistair's brother, and travelled into the western regions of Earth, through Germany, France and Spain, while Victoria took Alistair east, through China and the holy land. Growing up near his mother, Alistair naturally took to her practices, and became a skilled alchemist and healer, and also learned to speak the languages of the east fluently over the many years he spent there. He would eventually part ways from Victoria, as everyone parts from their parents, and travel westward, wanting to learn more of the lands there.

Yeah, compared to Robbert, who learned about weaponry and the like, Alistair learned about things like alchemy, latin and also picked up on martial arts. That effectively means Robbert is the warrior, and Alistair is the scholar.

I believe that's a pretty common archetype. =/

[W. E. Burrough]

I'd like some questions!

Billie-Ray Ruth Craven:

Occupation: Executive-CEO, corporate raider, author, painter
Age: 30
Height: 5’4
Weight: 119

In my story, Billie is a shark, a prehistoric megalodon, a predator. She’s vicious, cruel, sadistic, analytical and ruthless when necessary. She’s a compulsive liar and damned good at it too. She exudes this kind of bestial atmosphere and those around her pickup on it, kind of like how animals are constantly wary of their surroundings, always on the lookout for some carnivore that may not always be there. They see her as what she is, a flesh-eater. Billie is exceedingly creative, a writer and painter. Of course, she’s arrogant, pretentious, pompous and overdramatic. Her nose is so far in the air it’s a wonder she doesn’t drown when it rains. The woman has various habits and tendencies able to be construed as “strange” that include burning herself, quick draw, near-constant brooding, speaking in strange and cryptic metaphors, quasi-nudism and hypersexual behavior.

However, despite all that, the woman comes off as shy and well-spoken to an untrained observer. She actually does care for her literary fans, in a weird way. She’s prone to fits of rage whenever some fool dares cross her, which she keeps mostly locked up. Passive-aggressive would be an understatement when describing Billie, as she enjoys getting back at those who she feels wronged her in ways where their blood never soils her hands. Just keep in mind it still spills, thickly, violently and all over the place. She is a collector, of sorts, and amasses those who impress her in a private group, referring to them as her “collection”.

She is a walking contradiction, as she feels she has to rely solely on herself and her own devices to further her goals, yet is wholly dependent on her assistant to take care of her. She can take care of herself, just can’t take care of herself.

Billie fears the dark, surprisingly. She fears failure, she fears herself, death and aging and above all she fears her mother. She collapses in fits of hysteria when things get too big for her to wrap her mind around, hating being forced out of the bubble she has created. She is quick to offend, hurt, and will almost always react in an outlandish manner when she is.
Her goal is to survive, to gain as much power as she possibly can.

[sunwave]

For Alistair:
1) What would Alistair do if he learned that his mother and father didn't split up because of 'danger of being hunted down' but because they didn't love each other anymore. If they had a fight? Then what would he think of his brother?
2) Alistair probably has different (cultural) beliefs than his brother, due to being raised in a different place. How does he cope with this when they're together? For example, would he try to force his beliefs on his brother, or does he keep quiet and accept the different beliefs?
3) Since Alistair is 1000 years old, does he ever feel like he's "done". Does he feel like he's seen everything in the world? How does he keep himself from being bored in times of relative calm?
4) Alistair does have a lot of life experience. This probably means he can read people very well. Does he ever use this for things it shouldn't be used for (like pretending to love someone/scamming people/help companies to the top).
5) How does Alistair Thorne feel about love? (since all his lovers will die 'in a short time' anyway). Does he even feel love?

Oh, by the way: Sorceror is not correct. It should be Sorcerer. This seems like a common word in your story, so I'll just mention it. It didn't seem like a typo.

[Three]

Lots of questions for Billie (lots about her lying, too):

Does you notice when you lie or do you just do it without thinking?

Do you enjoy lying or would you rather stop?

What's the biggest lie you've ever told?

What would you do if someone caught you lying?

What's your favorite thing to paint?

What kind of books do you enjoy reading? Writing?

Why do you burn yourself?

Would you say that anybody in your "collection" is your equal?

What does your assistant think of you? (I'm not asking her assistant btw, I'm asking Billie what she thinks her assistant thinks. :P)

What do you think of your assistant?

Do you ever think your behavior sometimes might be inappropriate? Or outlandish?

What do you do to unwind?

If your world came crashing down on you, no job, no money, no fans, no assistant where would you go? What would you do?

Do you ever notice the bridges you're burning? Does it bother you?