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  1. TheScribe
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    TheScribe New Member

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    A Battle of Blood and Sorrow/The Genesis

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by TheScribe, Apr 24, 2015.

    Hey Everyone!! I'm new here and to writing in general. I wrote a lot when I was younger and I've always has an inner monologue that's trying to reconcile stories and plots. I write for myself primarily but would love to share my stories with interested people. For the Most part all my stories will take part in the fantasy world I'm creating. The stories will take part in different times during the history of this world. My aim is to reconcile amazing fantastical stories like LOTR/ Sherlock Holmes/ The Brentford Trilogy with real life.
    The piece I'm posting now is kind of an extended outline. I will post the rough outline of my works first and let you decide if I should post the completed work.

    A Battle of Blood and Sorrow

    Prologue


    No one knows how long our world has existed, where it came from or what lies beyond. There are some who would offer you an answer to this great mystery, a reason for why we are here, an origins to life, but for a price any sane person would rather not pay….your freedom. Your freedom to act, your freedom of speech and even your freedom to think what you want within the confines of your own mind.


    The Awakening

    What we do know is that the first time our world was seen, was through the eyes of Elves and the Valkyr. 7,523 years ago in a place now called the eye, the descendants of the universe (as they now like to be known) or as they more commonly called, the Elves and the Valkyr, woke up for the first time. They knew not who they were or how they got there. 10,000 Elves cried out at once in sheer agony and bliss upon their discovery of life.

    The 10,000 Valkyr that stood parallel to them stood motionless and silent. The Elves in their delight began to explore their senses, they marvelled at the simplest nuances of life and revelled in the joy of simply being alive. They travelled the world coming to know the different lands and animals. They knew not hope, fear or disappointment just a blissful contentment.

    That is until they returned home to the place they awoke and became aware for the first time of the eyrie statues in the distance that they had so easily overlooked in their temporary joy induced insanity. No one knows for sure how long it took the Elves to notice the Valkyr, as all ideas of time was lost on the Elves in their revelry, it is with this reason they claim their innocence in what was occurring.

    You see when the Valkyr woke up they found that they could not move nor speak. Though try as they did, and they all did, not one could move or utter a sound. As bad as this ordeal may seem it was nothing compared to what was to follow.

    As the Valkyr watched day turn into night, night into day and day into night again, a hunger began to build within them causing them excruciating pain. As they watched the Elves celebrate, the Valkyr hoped and wished that soon they would be noticed and helped. This hope was lost when the Elves began to leave. Before long all the Elves had left, and with them all hope…or so it seemed.


    The Return

    The Elves having travelled the world (or most of it) decided to return to the place that they began. Upon their return they instantly became aware of the Valkyr. The Elves being good by nature instantly rushed to the aid of these motionless people. Though the Elves could see clearly that these people were in fact alive, they could get no response from any of them.

    The Elves in their good nature began to treat the Valkyr with the medicines they had formulated during their travels and with the magic which flowed through their veins. Alas when none of this had worked all but a few, reluctantly gave up hope until all but one remained vigilant.


    The Tragedy


    The Elves accepting that they could offer the Valkyr no help, arranged a large ceremony which is now known by many names but was then to be called “The Farewell” in which all 10,000 Elves prepared an individual piece of writing or artwork for each of the 10,000 Valkyr. The One Elf who did not give up hope was a young male named Seron (Ser-ry-on).


    He had fell completely and utterly in love with one of the frozen Valkyr for reasons he could not understand beyond her heart wrenching beauty. In the last hours with her before the ceremony, when all hope had failed, he embraced his love unknown and let out all his love and with it, his magic into this person…this Valkyr.


    For one brief moment, his love’s eyes fluttered and her lips moved slightly as if to speak, and then she spoke one word softly in his ear……blood. Amazed by the sudden animation of his love, without thinking he bit into his own wrist savagely, causing blood to flood from the wound. He shoved his gushing wrist into her mouth the best he could manage and to his surprise and, she began to move.


    Slowly she became as animated as he was. In that moment he had achieved his wildest dream, he had freed his one true love from her prison and her torment. There she stood before him, beautiful, timeless and stained all over in his own blood. He loved everything about her, the deep black of her hair, and the gentle curve of her neck the sparkle of her eyes as they glowed red. Even as she lunged for him and dug her fangs deep into his neck, sucking out his life blood one mouth full at a time, he couldn’t help but marvel at her beauty as he drifted into a permanent sleep.


    The War of Blood/ The Betrayal


    When she had her fill, she used the remaining blood to awake as many of her people as she could. When his blood was spent she relied on the blood of nearby animals to resurrect the remaining Valkyr. With all their numbers now functional and half of them nearly starved to death, they waged a savage war against the Elves who were making their way to say their peace.

    The initial conflict was violent beyond all imagination. Elves and Valkyr colliding in earth shaking displays of combat. Displaying awe inspiring abilities. Elves summoning bolts of lightning and blasts of fire and ice and Valkyr responding with incredible displays of strength and speed that was invisible to the naked eye. The Violence last 3 weeks. The tide having turned in the Elves favour, saw the Valkyr retreat. They knew they couldn’t stand against the magic of the Elves despite their immortality.






    The Calm before the Storm


    The Valkyr having been defeated went North through the treacherous mountain ranges to settle in what they came to call Kaos. They built a town and from that town came a city. Though it was a thriving city it was also somewhat detached from the rest of the land due to the harsh terrain and conditions.

    The Elves during this time had travelled south and settled in The Old Forest, although it wasn’t as old in them days. They, instead of building a city used their magic and craftsmanship to shape the trees into beautiful homes, towers, streets and anything else you can imagine. This later became known as tree singing. Not only was the Elves Capital City of Eutiya natural and beautiful but it was also Formidable.

    150 years after The War of Blood the Valkyr attacked the Elven capital and stronghold, Eutiya. The Elves however were prepared for war this time. The Elves had focused the majority of their energy since “The Betrayal” to improving their military prowess. They recruited through their magic many of the creatures of the land.




    The Recruitment


    The Elves believed it was only a matter of time before the Valkyr attacked. With their new city fortress of Eutiya they felt they needed a new army to fend off their enemies with and with this in mind, a group named “The Masters” was formed.

    Their job was to catch, tame and domestic the more ferocious creatures of the land. 5 levels made up the ranks of “The Masters” starting from Steed Master who capture and tame Giant Elk(Which the Masters and other select people ride), then there’s Snake Master, who catch Salamanders and Ride the larger ones. Wolf masters comes next with Claw Master after, for the giant wolves and Red and Blue tigers respectively.

    Five brave Masters sought to protect their kin by recruiting and challenging the most ferocious and intelligent beast in the lands…..the dragon. Dragons were more common in them days it is said but still there were not many. After many failed attempts to tame the Dragons, the masters developed a spell to bond themselves with the Dragons. It was successful but came with many side effects, some great and some terrible.



    The War of Sorrow/Eutiya

    The Valkyr, moving quicker than human eye can see, attacked Eutiya under the cover of night. The Valkyr had grown stronger with every year that had passed since the last battle between the two. At first the elves were a bit thrown and the Valkyr easily breached their defences, leaping over thirty foot high walls in a single bound. The Elves had both the superior weapons with most Valkyr opting to use their hands instead and armour with the Valkyr wearing furs for the most part.

    This along with their magic help them meet the Valkyr on an even playing field and they fought savagely on the outer ramparts of the city. The momentum shifted towards the Valkyr when their Prince and greatest warrior Kai joined the battle, wielding a bastard sword that shone life a star with an edge so sharp it’d cut granite.

    Rallying behind their prince the Valkyr made a drive towards the centre of the city, along the main street some twenty-twenty five yards wide. This is when the elves unleashed their first ambush. Suddenly from both side came legions of Elves led by wild men on Fenriry, Tygranos and Salamanders.

    Finally the Elves were able to fell a handful of Valkyr, but it became apparent all too quickly that they couldn’t stop them, they could only delay them. With the Elves on the retreat, the Valkyr fought with a renewed vigour. They charged into the main square of Eutiya, expecting to find the biggest unit of men yet , but except found themselves alone except for a strange flapping sound…..Then the arrows started.. Out of nowhere, Elves riding Dragons, with one or more passengers, firing arrows from their backs.

    During the carnage that the Dragons were reaping on the Valkyr with their teeth and claws (no flames as they’d burn they’re city. There stood a young Valkyr girl with a special gift, and her heart was breaking over and over again for the lives of her people being lost, when it all became too much. In her sorrow induced madness she unleashed an incredible spell, taking over the minds of the five huge dragons and the rest of the creatures and attacking the elves.

    Not only did she attack the elves with their own animals but she used the dragon’s flames to burn the city. Releasing all the creatures but one Dragon, she mounted it and left swift as the wind. The elves were left defeated with no home.

    Slowly the Elves rebuilt Eutiya and it stands to this day. An Elven girl, equipped with a legendary sword and the power of a dragon master, assembled an elven army to invade Kaos as revenge for Eutiya and there fallen brethren. Upon arriving at the city they siege it for a couple days before being able to enter, all this leading to the eventual fight between the two girls. Thus ends A Battle of Blood and Sorrow.



    Now I would Like to point out that this is a rough copy that I begun to rush through. It took me 30-45mins to write so at times I over simplified things. Regardless I hope it grabbed your imagination for a minute or two ....all criticism is welcome and feel free to be as cruel as you feel necessary.
     
  2. Mckk
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    Mckk Moderator Staff Supporter Contributor

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    What do you mean when you say that you'll let the forum decide, based on your rough outline, whether you should post your completed work??

    For a start, if you wanted to publish your book - I'm assuming you have a finished manuscript since you talk about posting a completed piece - then definitely don't share much of it on an online forum. While publishing trends are shifting and it seems traditional publishing is still an option even after you've made it available via self-publishing, a forum isn't a place where you can really determine how many readers you've got, nor terribly good for a permenant record of any sort of feedback (since old threads eventually, naturally sink and disappear over time). It's also not the sorta place where people can find you, considering we obviously use usernames on here whereas your real name or pen name will be attached to your book, so even if people liked it on here, they still wouldn't be able to find you later on. All in all, what's the point?

    For seconds, how long is your completed work? Whether you're referring to a short story or a novel is quite important here. While I can understand a completed short story being posted on a forum, my mind boggles when I'm thinking of a novel. Is it even possible!? We write pretty long posts here as we're all writers, but a novel-length post on a forum!? o_O

    Finally, I'm not too sure what you're looking for. Do you want people to critique your outline? But you say you've got the completed work already based on this outline - so what purpose would critiquing your outline do? Or do you have more specific story problems that's plot-related? If so, it is better for you to ask those questions directly.

    And if you were hoping to eventually look for critique on your actual writing - the actual piece - then what you want on here is the Workshop subforum, which is there precisely for the purpose of getting your work critiques. However, there are forum rules attached to posting work up for critique, so you should check out the forum rules :) (no, you haven't violated any rules by posting an outline, nothing to worry about, but I'm just guessing that you may have actually or eventually wanted to post your actual work up for critique)

    In terms of how the Workshop is used, usually shorter pieces get more critiques I think.

    As for your rough outline... as I said, if you have specific issues with your plot, feel free to ask. But otherwise, TL;DR sorry :-D Perhaps a 1 or 2-paragraph summary?
     
  3. TheScribe
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    TheScribe New Member

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    Thanks for your reply and questions! I will try answer them best I can.

    I'm so new to writing I have not even considered publishing, perhaps naively. This is something I will have to think further on.

    The beauty of the world I'm creating is that it does not serve any one story. It is more of a histories in that sense. I'm building a world from the ground up. Although this piece seems to contradict this there is a lot of plot in it and all might not be as it seems. There is no present setting in my world but most will be based quite long after the events that unfold here.

    As far as completed works I have none...If people are interested in the ideas I would then pursue them and post either excerpts or short stories. I already have ideas for Novels, Short stories and comics all from my world.

    I just want to know what people think(of my outline here and other works I will post) and what I could improve on and if they would like to read more.
     
  4. Mckk
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    Mckk Moderator Staff Supporter Contributor

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    If you already have a world created, why are you asking for validation of that? What do you plan on doing if people don't like the world? (and btw, there're people who hate Kafka and Shakespeare - you can be sure someone out there won't like your world, or your stories - you gonna scrap it all cus haters gonna hate?) You say there's a lot of "plot" in your world - what on earth does that mean?

    The setting is your world - what do you mean there's no present setting in your world?

    My guess is you need to learn some terminology here! :D

    Also, seriously, never ask for validation for what you write. You'll only pursue your ideas if people think they're interesting? Seriously - all you gotta decide is if you are interested in the stories and if yes, go ahead and write to your heart's content. There will always be some who like it and some who don't, and frankly a lot of how well the book is received is based on how well you write it, how you use the elements and devices that you have in your story.

    You don't need anyone's permission to write. You wanna write? Then write. Don't ask for permission.

    Also, no matter how great your idea is, if you write it badly, no one will read it. By the sounds of things, you've done a lot of thinking and planning and not an ounce of writing. So go and get writing - your writing quality won't improve magically overnight, after all. Practice makes perfect. Otherwise you gotta ask yourself if you're just someone who likes to dream up stories and never put it down onto paper, or someone who actually likes to write, to play with words, to communicate those stories to someone else. Either's fine, but don't be deluded that they're necessarily one and the same, or that the ability to do one automatically means you have the ability for the other. Both need to be honed.

    Now go write!
     
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  5. TheScribe
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    TheScribe New Member

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    I understand what you're saying and I do agree, but I was just looking for either "hey, that sounds cool" or " this is generic/boring" just to get a feel of what people think...I'm not gonna stop writing if people don't enjoy it, as I said I write for me primarily but some feedback is always nice
     
  6. LOliver
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    LOliver Member

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    Hey TheScribe.

    When I read the title, it didnt really grab me. 'Battle of Blood and Sorrow'? Surely all battles are blood and sorrow...I think maybe Bonds of Blood and Sorrow would sounds better. The two girls are, after all, forged from the same conflict. Not trying to tell you what you should do, just my opinion.
    Reading it, the first two paragraphs, I really liked it. Really pulled me in. I really like the idea of the Elves essentially dooming themselves by ignoring their companion race. I carried on reading and the conflict made sense and the separation. Then I got to the 5 stages of mastery part. Yeah it sounds cool but I think it might not fit. It may just be the way you lay it out there. The story till then felt very open and mysterious, I wanted to know more. Then it changed to be like...like they were in school, hard to describe but it felt strange. Then dragons....too much for me. The two opposing races its a really good story to me, don't over-complicate it.

    Also...it seems very one sided from what I can see here. Do you want the story to be a war from both sides? Or the struggle of the elves? (I have to say, the Valkyr sound WAY cooler!)
    Keep in mind, when you think of Elves, don't hang on Tolkien. They are a made-up race and can therefore be anything you want them to be.
    All-in-all I think it has promise, it will take a lot of work to sort the chronology and events but should be a fun write and good read.
    Best of luck to you!
     
  7. TheScribe
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    TheScribe New Member

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    Thanks so much for your reply.

    I think the title "A Battle of Blood and Sorrow" stems more from why the battle took place rather than what it resulted in although "Bonds of Blood and Sorrow" Sounds great too.

    I think it's great that you picked up on the girls as main characters as I felt I had understated this. The masters are just an elite fighting group within the Eleven army. The dragons are not as they are in other fictions, I'd say I based them on the dragon like creatures from Avatar. I like "The Masters" as a plot but not for the Eleven girl in the story, I feel she will come upon the powers another way.

    I plan to show both sides 50/50 if not, I'll probably focus more on the Valkyr.
    The Valkyr are more interesting to me and I look forward to delving into everything about them. They are of course based loosely on vampires but will prove to be very very different.
    My Elves are more influenced by The Inheritance Cycle than LOTR to be honest.

    I do plan on expanding on the relationship between the Elves and The Valkyr.

    Believe me I know the hard work. I have maps, timelines, character descriptions, languages and family trees piling up in my house. I was told by the other poster to just write but I can't write from the viewpoint of a character if I don't understand his relationship with his parents, his physical attributes and the insecurities that come along with them, his culture , his race etc

    This is a small piece of my "Silmarillion" if you will, though I know I could never compare to such writing.
     
    Last edited: Apr 24, 2015
  8. TheScribe
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    TheScribe New Member

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    The Map to go with the story
     

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  9. LOliver
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    LOliver Member

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    I agree with your writing process. I prefer to lay out plans and specifics, then I can really get to know my characters and places. The story and idea comes first, but when i start writing I like to have something to build on. When creating a character I use interviewing to figure them out. I find that helps. I take the place of an interviewer and pretend I am interviewing them, with a series of questions that will tell me everything I need to know. It's a good way of looking at my character from an outside perspective, free from the story and surroundings, to see them and only them.
     

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