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  1. MainerMikeBrown
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    MainerMikeBrown Contributing Member

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    A Man Hitting A Woman Is Normal? No!

    Discussion in 'Debate Room' started by MainerMikeBrown, Sep 29, 2014.

    Some women who come from screwed up backgrounds actually think that it's normal for husbands/boyfriends to physically assault women.

    However, if that's the case, than why is it that many men never abuse their female spouse?

    Take my parents, for example. They've been married for over 35 years. And not once have they ever physically assaulted each other or abuse each other in any other way.

    A man hitting a woman should never be tolerated. It's wrong and it's not normal.
     
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  2. Duchess-Yukine-Suoh
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    Duchess-Yukine-Suoh Girl #21 Contributor

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    People hitting other people is wrong.

    Domestic abuse isn't normal, but it does happen, sadly.
     
  3. Christopher Snape.
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    Christopher Snape. Member

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    I've often heard (mainly men) say, as a reactionary move against feminism, "If women can hit men, men should be able to hit women."

    My first response upon hearing this was: why is your first response to a political movement a fantasy about hitting them? It doesn't help to dispel the stereotypes that men are violent, jacked-up troglodytes. I thought MRAs would be more supportive of busting traditional views about our gender.

    People shouldn't jump to violence and attack others - regardless of whether they're male or female. Obviously it's wishful thinking, because people are going to fight no matter what. Being terrible excuses for human beings is integral to regular excuses for human beings after all.

    Sorry if this was very stream-of-consciousness. Just my two cents.
     
    Last edited: Oct 18, 2014
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  4. Lemex
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    Lemex That's Lord Lemex to you. Contributor

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    It's not normal. It's a sad reality though.
     
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  5. jazzabel
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    jazzabel Contributing Member Contributor

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    Perpetrators should be focused on - severely punished and prevented from harming others. Sadly, this very rarely works in situations where the perpetrator is a man and victim a woman. Actually, centuries of violent patriarchy conditioned humanity to respond to bullies regardless of gender with submission and fear, and to even prefer bullies to non-bullies in leadership positions. So victims of domestic violence, be they men or women, have a really hard time getting justice. Women, because patriarchy is already heavily biased against them, and men because it 'reduces' them to 'cowards who aren't able to stand up to a woman'.
     
  6. thirdwind
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    thirdwind Contributing Member Contest Administrator Reviewer Contributor

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    What I can't stand is that in some countries, reports of abuse aren't taken seriously enough so that it takes forever to formally charge the abuser. Also, a large number of domestic abuse cases go unreported for either personal reasons (embarrassment, fear, etc.) or societal reasons (victim blaming, etc.). Part of the solution involves creating a society/environment where abuse itself is unacceptable.
     
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  7. jazzabel
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    jazzabel Contributing Member Contributor

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    I agree @thirdwind. The problem is that it happens in all countries, some more than others. Speaking for countries that I personally know, the resources given to social services are poor at best, and especially areas of victim support are underfunded and understaffed. The worse I've seen, and this did not happen once, is utter lack of common sense in communication between various agencies, such that victim's secret shelter address, medical reports and all other confidential details were simply Cc'd to every man and his dog, until it reached the perpetrator, or even their employer.

    Ps. Here's an excerpt from an interesting article on some issues victims of domestic abuse face
    Here's the link to the full article
    http://www.theguardian.com/money/2014/oct/20/domestic-violence-victims-leave-work-partners-abuse-speak-out
     
    Last edited: Oct 22, 2014
  8. Lemex
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    Lemex That's Lord Lemex to you. Contributor

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    I was raised with the very traditional 'never hit a woman' attitude, but really, you should never hit anyone. Full stop.
     
  9. Russo
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    Russo Member

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    It shouldn't happen, but it does, and there's nothing we can do about it.
     
  10. BayView
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    BayView Contributing Member Contributor

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    Can you back that up with anything? Like... why can't we do anything about it? Laws, social programs, therapy... all doomed to failure?

    Is this just the free-floating-nihilism you've been spreading over various threads, or do you have actual justification for what you're saying?

    ETA: Also, for your location... do you mean an island near FIJI? Or are you actually talking about the mountain in Japan?
     
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  11. Russo
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    Russo Member

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    1) I'm saying that, regardless of the laws and such, we cannot control what a man does...therefore, we cannot do anything about it. Yes, I wish we could stop it completely, but again, we cannot control one's actions.

    2) LOL. Free-floating-nihilism? Really? Everyone has a right to their own opinion and I am not going around "various threads" spreading my thoughts of things as meaningless. For the second part of that question, refer to number 1.

    3) That is not even relevant to this subject.
     
  12. Lemex
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    Lemex That's Lord Lemex to you. Contributor

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    I thought I was the only one doing that. I don't want to see any competitor to my status as chief nihilist here! :confuzled:

    I'm just kidding, obviously.
     
  13. Kekec
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    Kekec Member

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    Why do men who hit women get all the publicity? What about men who don't hit women? When my woman gets miffed over some small (usually untrue) thing as jealous women are apt to do, she starts whaling on me. Sure she can't harm me, but I really hate being hit in the head. And when she sees that her punches, kicks and slaps are having no effect, she digs in her nails. That can give a sting, and sometimes leave a mark. When I try--as I often do--to leave the room because my own anger is starting to soar, she gets in my way. I grab her by the wrists to move her out of the way and she screams how it will leave a bruise. Granted, sometimes it does. So I let her go and she goes back to whaling on me as if I'm a punching bag until she's too tired or her hands start hurting. Then the insults start and I'm not going to list those here. Sometimes I do retaliate verbally, but most of the time I just keep quiet, trying with all my faculties not to let my rage get the best of me because I know that even with a slap I could break her jaw or neck. I tend to avoid fighting even with men, and let a number of them just hit me. The difference is that sometimes my self-restraint let up and I fought back. But it's easier to flush my restraint down the drain when it comes to men because it's not that easy to hospitalize men if you really don't want to. Yet I'm afraid of hurting my woman because she can bring me so close to the edge that my vision blurs from the rage.

    Now, I've never cheated on her, nor have mistreated her. I've supported her in everything and more often than not tell her some complimentary things. I don't have money to furnish her with things, and I feel a pang when she sees Facebook photographs of some quondam friend of hers sightseeing in Italy or someplace with her man. Not having wherewithal is still a stigma on a man, believe it or not, and it is still considered a shortcoming.

    So, my dear fairy-landers from the realm of political correctness, why do you aggrieve men, because my example is probably wide-spread and even more common than those examples in which men beat women gratuitously?
     
  14. BayView
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    BayView Contributing Member Contributor

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    Wow, I was full of sympathy for you until that last paragraph. Maybe you could just leave off the attitude?

    Because of course it's wrong for women to hit men. Personally, I think you seem to be in a pretty unhealthy relationship and I hope you're giving serious thought to getting out, or at least getting counselling to help your partner control herself.

    That said, you're presenting yourself as pretty much invulnerable. I don't know, maybe you're made of stone and/or your partner is an invalid, but if she can kick you with absolutely no effect, if she digs her fingernails into you and only sometimes leaves a mark... well, she must be very weak, I'd say.

    In which case you've sort of answered your own question? It seems as if your partner has the physical strength of a small child. It's not acceptable when small children attack adults, but it's also not truly dangerous. You are so much stronger than her that you could could break her neck with just a slap. So obviously it would be more serious if you hit (and killed) her than if she hits (and has no effect on) you.

    Now, I think possibly you're exaggerating the power difference here. But still, the relative strength of the people in a relationship is an important thing to consider.

    Still, any form of domestic abuse is a problem. I don't mean to pry, but can you tell us why you don't leave?
     
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  15. ChickenFreak
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    ChickenFreak Contributing Member Contributor

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    ...and that's the point where you end the relationship. It's your choice whether you just end it, or also call the police to have her put in jail. I'd vote for both.
     
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  16. chicagoliz
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    chicagoliz Contributing Member Contributor

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    Yeah, I'm coming in late to this conversation, and I haven't read all the replies, but really, no one should be hitting anyone. In general, I assume that no one in a relationship is physically assaulting their partner, unless there is evidence to the contrary. I've been pissed off at my husband, and he's been pissed off at me, but neither of us have ever hit each other.
     
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  17. Jack Asher
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    Jack Asher Wildly experimental Contributor

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    This says far more about you and your problems then anything else on the page.
     
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  18. Kekec
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    Kekec Member

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    Why is it so hard to believe? A kick in the groin can hurt, but I protect that area and I weigh 40-something kilograms more than her. Also, when I trained MMA (not professionally), there were a few women as well. The coach would sometimes assort us (men) on the mat and let them practice a few combinations on us. None got bruised or flinched, although inadvertent groin area hits still hurt. Even a child could harm a man in that way.

    Because she's not a slut and she doesn't dress like a slut, and being a slut has become in vogue around these parts and it's disgusting if you're me (that's one aspect of her jealousy; she thinks I'd copulate with every one of them simply because I'm a man). She is also very nice to me and others and has been with me for a long time despite my bleak outlook on life.

    Maybe she came off as, well, evil according to my last post, but she's far from it. Physicality doesn't happen often, but the point I wanted to make was that it does happen, and that in such moments there is no way out for a man other than to cover his weak spot and wait out the assault or he could defend himself and be pegged a woman-beater. I know that if I beat her senseless, she would never dare raise a hand at me, but I don't ever want to do that.


    Also, more related to the topic, I knew of a woman who kept coming back to her husband despite--or maybe because--of his abuse. His jealousy was so extraordinary that she had to give him passwords for the social networking sites. He'd beat her and she'd run to her parents, and then she'd go back to him on some pretext that he'd changed or something, but he never did. Men don't change.

    She's not with him anymore, but I'm not privy to the information on how she managed to leave him.

    So, the problem is also that abused women cling to their abusive husbands and keep coming back even when they can call it quits. I've delved into psychological webbing of this phenomenon a long time ago, the knowledge of which is lost to me now, but there is no doubt that there is something seriously wrong with those women to begin with since many women who get hit just leave.

    I'm also aware that women linger because of the children, but the children, it seems to me, are just an excuse, since there are women who bore no children yet come back to these men. So how can you help a woman who doesn't want help? She won't press charges. She'll keep saying that he's a good man and that she loves him. She'll hide the injuries to protect him. Really, how do you help those women?
     
  19. obsidian_cicatrix
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    obsidian_cicatrix I ink, therefore I am. Contributor

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    She must be extremely flattered that you think so highly of her. :rolleyes:
     
  20. ChickenFreak
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    ChickenFreak Contributing Member Contributor

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    Society's solution to this problem is to leave; physical abuse in a relationship is not acceptable. So the man wouldn't have to wait out the assault more than once; he'd report it, she'd be arrested, and by the time she got back he'd either be gone or the locks would be changed.

    He also wouldn't be legally required to wait out the assault--if it's absolutely impossible to leave without hurting her some, you hurt her some as you leave, and you're supposed to be safe from legal consequences for that decision. But I realize that the law in theory doesn't always work out the same as the law in practice in that sort of situation.
     
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