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  1. I.A. By the Barn

    I.A. By the Barn A very lost time traveller Contributor

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    A smile like a puddle?

    Discussion in 'Word Mechanics' started by I.A. By the Barn, Jun 14, 2016.

    This makes sense in my mind, but does it make sense to others? I'm trying to describe those little wobbly smiles that a full to the brim with sadness yet seem still genuine, like you've made a tiny bit of that sadness go away and they're grateful. Ah, I don't even know what I'm rambling on about anymore but if you could help it'd be greatly appreciated...
     
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  2. peachalulu

    peachalulu Contributing Member Reviewer Contributor

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    Hmm. Not getting the puddle link to sadness.
    You've got a lot to convey. Maybe a metaphor isn't the best option maybe you need to spell it out a bit more with a tell or an action. Whose pov is it - is the mc the one smiling or the one looking at the smile?
     
  3. Lifeline

    Lifeline The Dark - not in Wonderland Contributor

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    Why don't you use your own words, like you described it at the top of the thread? These convey the sense quite well..

    But I agree with @peachalulu , I am also not getting the link to puddles. Puddles in my mind are murky things, which you may be prone to step into and wet your feet. Sorry ;)
     
  4. Cave Troll

    Cave Troll Who wants waffles...? Contributor

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    I am going to use the Dawnstar defense on your smile like puddle. She has what has been called 'butter face', which is not exactly a good thing. :p But I can kinda see what you mean if you were to see someone with that type of facial description having a puddle smile.
    DawnStar.jpg
     
  5. I.A. By the Barn

    I.A. By the Barn A very lost time traveller Contributor

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    Thanks, @peachalulu it is someone looking at the smile, if that makes any difference. @Lifeline I thought rambling on wouldn't be very clear, but if you think it conveys the message, that's good! @Cave Troll , I'm glad I'm not the only one who could see a facial expression like that :)
     
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  6. matwoolf

    matwoolf Contributing Member Contributor

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    Her smile, a puddle in a pudding, blah blah, blah, blah blah [?]
     
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  7. jannert

    jannert Contributing Member Supporter Contributor

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    That one is REALLY wobbly....
     
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  8. tonguetied

    tonguetied Contributing Member Contributor

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    Her smile was like a puddle, you don't want to step in but you can't resist getting your feet wet too.
     
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  9. jannert

    jannert Contributing Member Supporter Contributor

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    I don't know about a smile like a puddle ...if I came across that I really would not know what to make of it. But here's the thing. I could swear I've read of somebody having a 'watery smile.' I wonder if that makes sense. It doesn't when you think about it, but it kinda does.

    I've also heard of 'eyes puddled with tears,' which usually means the tears have gathered but haven't fallen yet.
     
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  10. matwoolf

    matwoolf Contributing Member Contributor

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    If MC took a mouthful of something in the sentence before it would all be perfect.
     
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  11. Laurin Kelly

    Laurin Kelly Contributing Member

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    I believe I've used "watery smile" in the past to describe someone who is both smiling and teary at the same time. Not sure if it's good writing, but I know I've both read it elsewhere and included it in previous works.
     
  12. matwoolf

    matwoolf Contributing Member Contributor

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    rheumy
     
  13. Mckk

    Mckk Moderator Staff Supporter Contributor

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    This is what I imagined as a "puddle" expression:

    puddle.jpg

    Anyway, I actually like the idea, but it might work better as part of a lengthier descriptive passage rather than a lone similie. I imagine it may work as an interesting metaphor, but there will need to be context, a pre-established reference before the word "puddle" is used on its own to mean a smile.
     
  14. I.A. By the Barn

    I.A. By the Barn A very lost time traveller Contributor

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    Alright, I think puddles don't work as metaphors... without explanation, which negates the fact its a metaphor. @Mckk , my god, that is terrifying yet I couldn't stop giggling for a while!
     
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