1. Smoke Z
    Offline

    Smoke Z Active Member

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2014
    Messages:
    250
    Likes Received:
    36

    Grammar A specific example...

    Discussion in 'Word Mechanics' started by Smoke Z, Apr 25, 2014.

    At some point, I had opened my eyes. Now I noticed that Moebius seemed disgusted at my table manners. Malek spoke up, “I've met some slow-wakers among the demon hunters. She is relatively dainty in comparison.”


    I need to choose between "relatively" and "in comparison" don't I?

    Malek has been a stage-hand for Shakespeare for a while.
     
  2. Thomas Kitchen
    Offline

    Thomas Kitchen Proofreader in the Making Contributor

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2012
    Messages:
    1,258
    Likes Received:
    422
    Location:
    I'm Welsh - and proud!
    Yes, both terms mean the same thing.
     
  3. Wreybies
    Offline

    Wreybies The Ops Pops Operations Manager Staff Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    May 1, 2008
    Messages:
    18,834
    Likes Received:
    10,013
    Location:
    Puerto Rico
    ... but it's dialogue. I say it to myself and it sounds perfectly natural. Whether Malek has been stagehand for the Bard or not, is Malek the pedantic sort? Because if not... it sounds fine. ;)
     
    Andrae Smith and minstrel like this.
  4. outsider
    Offline

    outsider Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Feb 4, 2012
    Messages:
    968
    Likes Received:
    609
    Location:
    Glasgow, Scotland
    I think you could get away with it in this context, it doesn't read awkwardly to me.
    For example you could say, 'The Braithwaites were ostentatious in their habits, the Campbells were relatively poor in comparison'.
    Edit:
    The suggestion I gave you was piss poor, this is what tends to happen at around 11.00pm British summer time on a Friday night. :D
     
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2014
  5. minstrel
    Offline

    minstrel Leader of the Insquirrelgency Staff Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2010
    Messages:
    8,722
    Likes Received:
    4,821
    Location:
    Near Los Angeles
    @Wreybies is right. Grammar errors, and redundancies like the one in your example, occur in everyday speech. This is the way Malek talks. It's not your own third-person narration.
     
  6. Thomas Kitchen
    Offline

    Thomas Kitchen Proofreader in the Making Contributor

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2012
    Messages:
    1,258
    Likes Received:
    422
    Location:
    I'm Welsh - and proud!
    Sorry, Wreybies, I didn't think of it like that. Yes, when in fiction and it's dialogue or a certain type of narrator, then grammatical errors and suchlike are fine. In fact, I can see me saying the sentence myself. But if it's the correct way you're after, then you'll need to only have one of those words in the sentence.
     
    Wreybies likes this.
  7. Wreybies
    Offline

    Wreybies The Ops Pops Operations Manager Staff Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    May 1, 2008
    Messages:
    18,834
    Likes Received:
    10,013
    Location:
    Puerto Rico
    Dude, why are apologizing to me? There is no injured party here. :)
     
    minstrel likes this.
  8. Thomas Kitchen
    Offline

    Thomas Kitchen Proofreader in the Making Contributor

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2012
    Messages:
    1,258
    Likes Received:
    422
    Location:
    I'm Welsh - and proud!
    Well...I'm a Brit. I say sorry for everything. :D
     
    obsidian_cicatrix likes this.
  9. minstrel
    Offline

    minstrel Leader of the Insquirrelgency Staff Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2010
    Messages:
    8,722
    Likes Received:
    4,821
    Location:
    Near Los Angeles
    I'm Canadian, and I do that too! High five! :D
     
    Okon and Thomas Kitchen like this.
  10. GingerCoffee
    Offline

    GingerCoffee Web Surfer Girl Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 3, 2013
    Messages:
    17,601
    Likes Received:
    5,875
    Location:
    Ralph's side of the island.
    I don't think the two words necessarily mean exactly the same thing.

    ... relatively dainty in comparison to [other slow wakers].

    You are specifying 'relative to what'.

    It may be unnecessary, a lot of things are implied in sentences without stating them. But stating the unstated thing doesn't necessarily make it redundant.
     
  11. Thomas Kitchen
    Offline

    Thomas Kitchen Proofreader in the Making Contributor

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2012
    Messages:
    1,258
    Likes Received:
    422
    Location:
    I'm Welsh - and proud!
    That must mean we're brothers, eh? ;)
     
    minstrel likes this.
  12. Smoke Z
    Offline

    Smoke Z Active Member

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2014
    Messages:
    250
    Likes Received:
    36
    I was posting a throwaway and I learned something that I can apply to the rest of it.

    Even people using antiquated language can use it imprecisely.

    Calling Malek a Shakespeare stagehand was contrasting him to the Hamlet refugees that he interacts with.
     

Share This Page