1. wordweaver
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    wordweaver Member

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    A Time of Lambs

    Discussion in 'Strong Character Contest' started by wordweaver, Oct 3, 2007.

    Sorry guys, I am removing my story because I am sending it out for submission.
    Hopefully it'll soon be available at an ezine near you. ;)
     
  2. Endeavour
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    Endeavour Senior Member

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    I'm surprised that no one has actually commented on this piece of writing yet.

    Unfortunately, the concept automatically renders this story very predictable, hence why I think it's a shame that "A Time of Lambs" does not excel with twists at the end, so that it subdues the somewhat effects of predictability. It's a shame because the story excels otherwise in other aspects; I think the grammar is pretty much shaped up very well, and the descriptions are limited and direct.

    "She felt the knife burning in her womb, and she bit back the scream that wanted to be released from her throat. Warmth slid over her sides, and down to her thighs, her mortal blood released for the Dagda. Her breath came in short gasps as she felt her lungs begin to constrict their capacity, and she began coughing."

    This paragraph actually made me squirm with pain, very well put.
     
  3. wordweaver
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    wordweaver Member

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    Endeavour, thank you for the comments.

    I've had comments about the predictability, and the lack of any "twists" before, but honestly I felt that anything added or subtracted from the story would take away the feeling I was trying to portray - the impending descension of doom.

    I have not given up entirely on the idea of "changing" the story slightly, I'm just still utterly undecided on what is "best" for the story. ;)

    Again, thank you. :) And any other comments are welcome!

    (I didn't realize we could comment on the stories... I'll have to go back and reply... or am I not able because I am also a contest entrant? Hmmm, will have to ask.) :D
     
  4. mollyburton
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    mollyburton Member

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    I love your writing, it's so descriptive it draws you right in, but the plot needs something more.
     
  5. wordweaver
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    wordweaver Member

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    Thanks, Molly. :)


    *Just added the word count. ;) *
     
  6. cadygunit
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    cadygunit New Member

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    Fab story.
     

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