1. MatrixGravity
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    MatrixGravity Senior Member

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    Am i making any sense?

    Discussion in 'General Writing' started by MatrixGravity, Feb 26, 2011.

    I was trying out a few words and i wanted to see if i'm getting the hang of them?

    "Death is imminent to those that oppose me."
    (For this sentence somebody suggested I use "ineluctable" instead of 'imminent'. I didn't even know such words existed!)

    "You shall be mutilated beyond recognition and further subjected to submersion in an ice tank."

    "Your ashes shall be scattered across the horizon as your soul will take flight and seek refuge amongst the stars that lay dormant in the night sky."

    Haha, i know this sounds really random but i was just trying to see if it i could use the words correctly.

    How am I looking?
     
  2. Mallory
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    Mallory Mallegory. Contributor

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    Looks great -- is English your second language? Or just experimenting with new vocab and phrases?
     
  3. MatrixGravity
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    MatrixGravity Senior Member

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    Hey thanks alot! Glad you liked them! English is actually my second language apart from Russian. Although English is my DOMINANT language. (I HAVE NO IDEA IF I USED DOMINANT RIGHT lol) I'm just trying out new phrases and seeing what I can come up with. =) I'm tired of sounding like an uneducated imbecile xD.
     
  4. KP Williams
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    KP Williams Contributing Member

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    Well, the examples are technically correct, but they're a bit of a mouthful. Almost to the point of being ridiculous, to be honest. I can't imagine anyone ever saying anything like that unless they were diabolical supervillains, or perhaps acting in a classical play. I can make a suggested edit while keeping the wording as close to what you wrote as possible:

    "Your ashes shall be scattered across the horizon as your soul takes flight and seeks refuge amongst the stars that lay dormant in the night sky."

    But yeah, to summarize my already short post, it's perfectly fine from a grammatical point of view, but from a critical one, it's a little over the top. But then again, seeing as you've said English is your second language, I have to say I'm impressed. Sounds like you've pretty much mastered the world's third most spoken language. :cool:
     
  5. Manav
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    Manav Contributing Member

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    I thought English is the most spoken language. I am guessing the two most spoken language will be Mandarin and Arabic.

    I
    Beware! In your quest to sound educated, you might end up sounding purple prosy and ridiculous. Having a vast array of vocab is fine, but don't use them just because you know them, unless you are writing something where use of such words are required, say, an academic paper.

    As for the above examples, the words seem to have been used correctly (I can never be sure because English is my second language too :)), how effectively used? It depends on the context as other posters have said.
     
  6. MatrixGravity
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    MatrixGravity Senior Member

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    Yeah I'm sorry i was just coming up with some sort of random dialogue haha!
    Thanks for understanding, and i appreciate the input! :)
     
  7. RightBastardWriter
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    RightBastardWriter Member

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    Sorry, Matrix, but this reads like really bad villain dialogue.

    I hope you're planning to use it for comic effect. Otherwise, you might want to rethink.
     
  8. Mallory
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    Mallory Mallegory. Contributor

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    But they make sense the way they're used and the sentences aren't grammatically awkward. Yes, though, it sounds a little overdramatic and too formal to be realistic dialogue.
     
  9. zilly
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    zilly Senior Member

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    You were correct. English is the world's most spoken language. A large percentage of Mandarin and Cantonese speakers speak English.
     
  10. mraverageguy
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    mraverageguy Member

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    Your using the words correctly, bit of a dark tone though if you don't mind my saying!
     

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