1. Alesia
    Offline

    Alesia Pen names: AJ Connor, Carey Connolly Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 19, 2013
    Messages:
    998
    Likes Received:
    251
    Location:
    Knoxville, TN

    Another fiction writing question...

    Discussion in 'Word Mechanics' started by Alesia, Aug 31, 2013.

    I know it seems dumb, but my logical mind is saying this sentence I just popped out is all wrong. This is why: My mostly non-fiction writers mind is saying that the sentence implies the mattress itself is under the blanket and not the narrator. I'm just wondering if I'm overreacting is all.
     
  2. GingerCoffee
    Offline

    GingerCoffee Web Surfer Girl Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 3, 2013
    Messages:
    17,605
    Likes Received:
    5,879
    Location:
    Ralph's side of the island.
    I think it's clear in that sentence but I often encounter this problem because my brain processes things this way. I just solve it by switching it up if there is any doubt. I know there's some grammar rule like split infinitives or something, but I'd have to look it up to know what it's called.

    I’m lying under a scratchy blanket on a firm mattress.

    It's easier to change it than worry about it. If you worry too much you'll worry about being under both the blanket and the mattress the blanket is under. :p
     
  3. shadowwalker
    Offline

    shadowwalker Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Jul 27, 2011
    Messages:
    3,299
    Likes Received:
    851
    The comma makes it clear to me.
     
  4. GingerCoffee
    Offline

    GingerCoffee Web Surfer Girl Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 3, 2013
    Messages:
    17,605
    Likes Received:
    5,879
    Location:
    Ralph's side of the island.
    An idea came to me. :)

    I’m lying between a scratchy blanket and a firm mattress.
     
    Wreybies likes this.
  5. Wreybies
    Offline

    Wreybies The Ops Pops Operations Manager Staff Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    May 1, 2008
    Messages:
    18,897
    Likes Received:
    10,088
    Location:
    Puerto Rico
    I like this muchly. There is a counterposing in this construction that is more satisfying than in the other. :)
     
  6. jannert
    Offline

    jannert Contributing Member Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2013
    Messages:
    7,809
    Likes Received:
    7,332
    Location:
    Scotland
    Yeah, kinda between a scratchy rock and a hard place, eh? :)
     
  7. Alesia
    Offline

    Alesia Pen names: AJ Connor, Carey Connolly Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 19, 2013
    Messages:
    998
    Likes Received:
    251
    Location:
    Knoxville, TN
    Eh. I just changed it up like this. I think the point is very clear here.
     

Share This Page