You have a computer to type this on. You have water to drink, food to eat, and at one point even had drugs for escapism. That's more than a large portion of people in this world. I watch a social documentary like VICE or NatGeo when I'm feeling sorry for myself, and those show me just how bad a person's life could be. We've all suffered. Buddhism was originally founded on the idea that life is suffering, hell is here. I'm just now through with depression fueled by a terrible work environment and a traumatic past, with a touch of alcoholism. My mother was quite a piece of work as well. I'm sure many in this thread have had worse or better than you or me. Sounds like you need to banish all thoughts of publishing from your mind for the moment [THIS IS TEMPORARY], and reevaluate the self and writing. Did drug rehabilitation introduce you to meditation, or therapy? I find self-reevaluation is what helped me, plus absorbing everything I read. Reading was my anti-depressant, I read anything I could and used my spare time to do it. Exposure to everything, novels, short stories, scientific articles, religious pieces, internet forums, etc... Escapism in alcohol turned to escapism to other worlds. This in turn spurred me to write in response to these medias. First with forums, then with critiques, then building my own characters and world. Write because you want to, because you have something in your head that needs to get on screen/paper. Writing for publishing is poor planning for income, as risky an endeavor as starting a restaurant or software business. Submit something to beta readers and online critique forums (you're on one, by the way) where people will give you free feedback. It seems like you like to take your real world suffering--at least your perception of it--and make your characters suffer through it. That's good! You don't have to publish every scenario you put your characters through. These suffering exercises will build the character and in turn yourself. Your publisher said that your characters are put through punishment for no reason, that they need a goal to at least have been fighting for, even if they did not achieve it. Take the publisher's words and use it against him, make him have the best mf'ing goal that he wouldn't even see it coming, and be ashamed of thinking that character didn't have it in him/her. Maybe your character's tiny beacon of hope can help you find your own.
I got a rejection recently from a major science fiction magazine. By your standards, I should have been crushed, but the editor said, "I like your style. Please try me again." That made my week! Even a rejection can be a positive, if they give you something personal. The worst rejections (and there are many) are the form letters, or form emails. Allow me to quote myself: A writer can't just lie down and die. The success does not come from talent or vision or any magical goldenheartedness. It comes from refusing to stop. Refusing to quit. Refusing to listen to those who say, "Dude, you just don't have what it takes." John F. Kennedy, speaking of the moon race, said this: "While we cannot guarantee that we shall one day be first, we can guarantee that any failure to make this effort will make us last." This is an important thought. None of us can guarantee that you will be a success. What is certain beyond any shadow of a doubt, though, is that if you give up, you will be a failure. (At writing, anyways.) You strive, you may succeed. You quit, you lose. You guarantee that you lose. Don't do that to yourself. Keep giving yourself chances. If you don't, you wind up in a seedy bar one day lamenting what you might have been if you'd kept trying.
Ok, time to make things clear, now that I'm a little more calm and collected. 1. I'm aware I have problems. I've been in therapy for twelve years, and apparently there is nothing they can "do". I should just try and get some confidenc by doings things I love and get some confidence from that. 2. I am listening, and you all have valid points, but is it that hard to understand why it's hard when you get rejected from doing something you love? To be told you are not good enough to do it? 3. My problem with the rejection letter is this: The criticism is unworkable, or at least very hard to deal with. I'm aware it's better than a formal rejection letter, but not much. After all what they said was that my way of writing isn't working, that my stories are wrong. If the problem was that my language was off or that the stories needed more work, that would be different. In that case I could just re-work them. But they are, apparently, fundamentally un-readable. My characters are bad and their motivation and actions are unrealistic. Despite that I have worked with these characters for years. The sad truth: I don't know how the write the characters any different. I can't just "add" motivation or add a few sentences. I need to find a radically different approach. That's more than re-work, that's a total rewrite. No, not even that, it's starting from scratch. As the stories are, nothing rings true, so, I need to re-invent the stories. But if I have to ability to write characters, what's the point? Yesterday I caught myself writing. I got all excited and started reimagining the first story. An hour in I stopped. I realized: What am I doing? Why do I fall for the same trap? If the stories I wrote two months ago were no good, why would they be better now? Apparently the publishing house felt the 12 stories were too bad to even be commented upon. Not even worth mentioning. If they had said: Try again, or "go back and write the stories from scratch, and try to think of every single word and every single move", then OK. Or, if they had said, "keep at it, you have real potential". But they didn't.
OK, just stop right there a minute and lets take things one at a time. 1. Don't wait for *them* to sort you out, sort yourself out (I appreciate this can be difficult, I have suffered from things in the past (you don't want to know) so I know how difficult the road ahead can seem) but sometimes you have to take on the responsibility for sorting things out yourself. You will excel at something, you have to find that something and you will. Even if it's just something like learning to breathe in a way that stops your heart hammering out of your chest, you will find it. 2. Yes, we do all have valid points so instead of making excuses, take them on board. You were rejected once, by a stranger who, like every other person on this planet, has a personal opinion and that's what he was exercising, his personal opinion. That does not mean that you are not good enough! It doesn't even mean that you are bad at what you do, it just means that one person didn't like what you were doing. Do you think Sylvia Day gives two hoots about over 400 PUBLIC downvotes and bad reviews on Amazon about her third instalment of the Crossfire series?? Hell NO!!! Two years ago I started a small business - had a website and everything - selling handmade bed sets (matching quiltcovers and pillowcases) I would painstakingly design, measure, calculate fabric, cut, pin, stitch, press and package to perfection. I sold five sets in two years and this February, I decided to close the business. That's a failure, but you know what? At least I tried, I gave it a go. Am I sad? of course I am, will it stop me doing other things? absolutely not, it just means I can devote more time to my writing now. 3. Once again, it was the rejectors' opinion. Firstly, look at who you sent the MS to, what sort of books do they represent/publish already? Is yours completely different or is it too much like something they already deal with? If there are no current genres that fit your style, maybe you need to find someone who is willing to take a chance on a new idea? Or maybe you need to bite the bullet and self publish your story, that way you will be putting your work out there to the people that matter, the reading public. And on a last note, no publisher/agent will butter you up or sugar coat things if they have no interest in you. You are just a bunch of papers cluttering their desk so, time to pull on those big boy pants, open the door to the world and scream from the rooftops that you ARE good enough, you WILL NOT STOP writing and you WILL reach your goals!
If it helps, you're far ahead of me. I decided my first novel would be YA fantasy and don't have a clue how to finish it because the first idea was, quite frankly, shit, and I don't know how to replace it. But you have already finished stories. You have work behind you. You developed your craft. Criticizing publishers seems taboo among aspiring writers because the published market should be restrictive by default, otherwise there would be too many bad works filling shelves, but I'll go ahead and say the problem may not be in you at all. Sometimes it feels like getting published is a matter of luck really. It's not the same, but some people try exams dozens of times to get admitted somewhere and are finally successful after a 15th time. There are worse things than what you're experiencing, though. In certain fields, getting a job is incredibly difficult if you don't have a certain appearance. The unemployment rate among black people in my country is higher than among white people, for example. And obviously you can't tell a black person to be born again as white person. It's a sad situation that needs to change. Imagine if you were part of a certain ethnic group and rejected every time because of that? But some of them don't give up. Sometimes, getting a job is a matter of survival. Press on.
anr... have you considered finding a mentor, a professional who'll provide support and help, guide beginners along the path to becoming a better writer?... that may help you to build the self-confidence you need to continue to working toward reaching your goal... and true mentors do all that for free, no strings attached... love and hugs, maia
Have you ever thought of self-publishing? No one to critique it, no one to reject it. Either people read it or people don't, but it's out there to be read should anyone want to. You don't sound like you're at a place in life where you can take the very, very harsh industry, which unfortunately always comes with a lot of rejection. So don't take that route - with the internet nowadays, you don't have to. Write for those who want to read your work, and if that's just one person in the whole wide world, well, so be it - but you're writing, and as long as you're writing, you have not failed. You fail only when you stop. So don't stop. I'm not sure you're at a place to be writing for money, purely because with the money comes the criticism, therefore rejection. Even Shakespeare gets criticised, it's really quite unavoidable if you wanna write. So don't write for money. Write for free, because you're writing for yourself. Personally, I'd say you should start a blog. You're a recovering heroin addict - truth be told, there're probably a world of recovering addicts who would appreciate your stories, appreciate having someone else to walk with them on this very difficult road, someone who understands. And there're a world of people who are not addicts but who are intrigued and want to understand. I believe you have something unusual to share, so share it, and to hell with what people say about it. It is yours and it is your story, and that's all. Nothing more, nothing less, let people take it or leave it, but it is yours, you have written it, and it is available. In the end, I think that's all that matters. And if by sharing your experiences you end up finding the support you need, and perhaps, who knows, even helping someone in a similar situation - I think that would be just the thing you need. To realise that, your failure isn't final, your life doesn't have to stay a mess - to realise that, when all is said and done, you still have SO MUCH to offer. Chin up. Love and hugs. I believe in second chances.
Absolutely! There will be a mountain of people out there who are still trying to overcome the difficult road you've already travelled and will no doubt feel like giving up - you travelled that road and succeeded so use writing and self publishing to get the message out there that fears can be conquered! Good luck and don't give up!
Mckk said it best! I haven't realized you recovered from addiction, that's something remarkable in itself. Keep going forward and you'll do fine.
Because staying healthy and keeping yourself alive is way more important than writing will ever be, and you know that. Do you truly believe Faulkner, Hemingway, Bradbury, Vonnegut--insert any other well-known author here--got it right the first time? Do you really think they never penned trash, or got rejected, or criticized? More to the point, did they give up, when one, and all, of those things happened to each one of them during their careers? No. For example, maia could show you what is wrong with Bradbury's, "The Highway," which he penned at a young age and managed to get published. It is a piece of his that is rife with mistakes. Anyway, I don't know what else to tell you, bud, besides maybe take the authors you respect off the pedestal, those authors that have definitely set the standard to which you are striving too hard to meet because they are not you and you are not them (you are your own writer). Come back to reality and be happy you have the opportunity to write and breathe. That alone is a blessing, considering there are plenty of people like you and me who don't have that opportunity; some never did. Foreal. I hate to be harsh but: stop throwing the temper-tantrum and go back to smiling. All it takes is for you to acknowledge that you can, and then do it.
not sure this is allowed, i've never tried this before, but i like the new feature and want to give it a shot.. maybe the best option for you is to move on, try writing some short stories or something--they are less time consuming and allow you to practice and hone your craft without committing to something for years only to discover it's sub-par. With short stories, you can find that out in a week, or a month, thus giving you the ability to move on to your next piece and progress in your practice. Annnnnnddd, when all else fails, sometimes you just need to:
Thanks for the new replies. I'm still processing, still working it out. I know it's an amazing thing to have actually written a book - albeit a very bad one. Three years ago I couldnt write a story line if my life depended on it. But this is NOT my first rejection letter. This is not my "first go". But it might be my last. I'm young(-ish), but I know, personally, people five years younger than me who are getting published. Who are getting treated like geniuses and are getting a lot of encouragement. It boils down to this: I'm at a very low point in my life. Getting rejected by the publishing house feels like getting rejected in life. "Not good enough, not interesting enough". NOT ONLY getting rejected, but being told there is almost nothing good about this work. That's CRUEL. Before, when I wrote, people would at least tell me I had real potential and talent. To just tell someone - who has almost nothing else going on in life - that their two years work, is bad, really bad, is very cruel. Uneccessarily cruel. Just bad luck, I guess. To get the worst critique to the most sensitive person... What makes matters more humiliating is that I have one friend who writes, and she sent in six poems to a publishing house and got back a reply saying they loved them and that if she sent them twelve more, they would me extremely positive to a publication... Do you get it? She sent in a half-finished work and got THAT reply. I sent in 150 pages of my soul and got told it was sh*t. Why do I get such a cruel treatment in life? Because I used to get better treatment before. But these days, whatever I do gets rejected and stomped all over. I know... I'm whining again. WHY CAN'T SOMETHING WORK OUT IN MY LIFE? FOR ONCE? WHY CAN'T I GET AN UPSWING? I used to get them. I KNOW that they make me ten times more creative. But it's this vicious circle. Now I have no confidence at all. And I see all these poeple getting told they are geniueses around me and I hate them for that. Life is cruel. Yeah, starting to sound a lot like a suicide letter. But it's not.
...Okay. Look, I'm going to recommend two books for you to read that I think will be of help for you. The Mindful Way Through Depression by Mark Williams, et al. The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown. (the last 'e' in the first name has an apostrophe like the word 'cafe', but I don't know how to make it on my keyboard.) In short, they're supposed to be books to help you not be so hard on yourself/think yourself a failure because you're not like someone else. Give them a try, you might find use for them. I'm reading them right now. I know how it feels to be inadequate because there are people in the world much younger than you who are far more successful. You can't help but compare yourself to them and ask if you're doing something wrong. I'm struggling with a bit of that myself. When I watch my favorite videos on Youtube such as Vlogbrothers or Nostalgia Critic, there's this annoying voice in my head that asks why I'm not them. It makes me feel guilty that I'm not some Youtube star (despite the fact that I clearly don't want to become a Youtube star and I'm happy with that.) It seeps into everything you know, targeting what you care about the most. It does it without you knowing it's happening. So, give those two books a read. They may help.
it's not an apostrophe, link... it's an 'accent aigu' that occurs in french when the e is to be pronounced as 'ay'... and you'll find it in your 'symbols' menu... where you should also find a keyboard shortcut for it... anr... if you are not already seeing a therapist for help with your apparently quite serious depression and self-image issues, i hope you will do so ASAP... love and healing hugs, maia
That's the way of the world. I was watching breakfast telly the other morning, there was this woman on who has written a book (that sounds suspiciously like a film I recently watched ...) and they were interviewing her because the book she's written got snapped up by a publisher AND has now been signed off to be made into a film, which is golly gosh good news for her ... until she sits up with a smile on her face and says "I never even wanted to be a writer, I just sat down one day and started writing the story ..." Never in my life have I so wanted to throw my cup of tea through my TV screen ... I have been told by people who have read my fiction that it's more believable and more realistic than "that well known adult fiction book" but I've yet to get a publisher interested in it. Sucks, doesn't it?
I guess I need to repeat this, so here it goes: OP, if this is not trolling (and I'm not sure it isn't), you need to see a psychiatrist. You have shown no indication that you are seeking writing advice, which has been given as much as possible. We are not medical professionals, and you clearly are seeking something that this community cannot give you despite numerous benevolent responses. If this inspirational posting is helping you, then fine. But it sounds like you need to see someone regardless.
That's what I figure, too. The OP needs the help we can't really offer him. We're not psychiatrists/psychologists. All we can do is encourage him, but we can't help him in a way that'll make the bad feelings go away.
@AnrBjotk when I read your posts I can't help but notice that you're using a lot of black and white, either/or thinking. Sometimes it helps me to read about cognitive distortions to get my thinking clearer: http://psychcentral.com/lib/15-common-cognitive-distortions/0002153
Yeah, I need "help". I need to "see somebody". Like I said, I have been seeing somebody for elleven or so years and that "help" ended some six months ago because they felt there was nothing to be done (therapy not helping, meds not helping, no diagnosis while I'm on methadone or any other mind-altering drug). Truth was I was feeling "OK"... kinda. Of course, I was feeling OK because I thought I would either get published or at least get some stuff to work on (other than "work on everything because this MS is sh*te"). In my subconcious I always thought that when that day would come it would be easy: I'd either get published and be happy to finally have a sort of idendity. Or I'd be a failure and therefore would have no problem just giving up and wait to die. So I guess it's back to therapy (in which case a new one. And I can't afford one myself, so it'll be some state-run program. But to be honest I'm not that hopeful for a new therapist when I've had seven already and no results) "I feel as low as a human can feel" and am having problems eating and getting the energy to go about my day. Defeated. Like there's no hope. A failure. I'll restate it to be clear: Before the rejection-letter I had little energy as it was. What with depression and all. And I know that in order to be creative you need surpluss energy to work. You need a kick, some enthusiasm, some courage. Now, obviously, I have even less energy, which makes it hopeless to try to write (but I will... try at least). For the last five years I have been "feeding of" the energy from earlier "successes" (artistically, or getting texts published in small publications) to keep me going. Those successes are so far in the past now - the immediate past bearing nothing but failure. That's the Catch-22 or whatever you'd call that. Nope. I'm a failure for many, many reasons. Half of which you would agree with. At least. The writing-failure is just a/the last straw.
why pin all your hopes and mental health on being a writer, when there are many other things you can do that will make your life worthwhile, that you'd be better at... not everyone has the talent or can acquire the skills it takes to succeed as a writer and you may be one of those who do not, along with the vast majority of humans... so why don't you see what else you can do and do well enough to gain satisfaction from it and possibly even make a living at it, as well? feeling sorry for yourself because you can't be what you want is keeping you from having a life, sweetieheart... work on being all you can be in some field where you have a better chance of succeeding and you'll turn your depression into self-approval and a good self image... volunteer at a homeless shelter, or some other helping-others venue where you'll see folks who have truly hopeless situations to overcome and your own will shrink down to a trivial 'itch' instead of an agony you've allowed to take over your whole life... ask your next therapist if i'm not right on this... love and healing hugs, maia
Well I'm bipolar so the polarized thinking is natural for me. It effects my writing as a whole and it's hard to get through when I'm feeling that "what for?" type of thing. I agree with Maia in that writing isn't everything. There's much more to life than writing novels or whatever you're writing. Rejections are just a standard thing that happens in the business. If you can get through it and move forward than more power to you. But if it's making you miserable (for anyone here in general) than perhaps a change is in order. You can write for your own pleasure too. It's not mandatory to get published and it isn't everything either. Sometimes there's more issues that come up. It's better to be unpublished than have a shitty publisher to bring your whole writing career down. Same goes for an agent. Having no agent is better than having a bad agent.
I havent had the chance to be properly rejected at writing yet because I havent submitted anywhere but I could write a lengthy novel on all the jobs I would have loved to do, that I applied for, that either ended in no interview, an interview and a rejection, or an interview and no rejection because the employer couldnt even be bothered to spend 10 seconds writing a 'nice to have met you' email. For a time I got massively down about each one and would take it hugely personally. Now I am relatively ensconced in a career I dont apply that often apart from for promotion opportunities, I got my fourth rejection in 2 years for what would be advancement in my field yesterday, which in a sense is worse because its for jobs I feel i 'should' be getting. I am really trying to change my pattern responses to this now because if there is one thing I have learned its that self pity achieves absolutely nothing other than hurting oneself, and those close to you. And that really is all there is to it. You can either accept rejection and move on with finding a plan b (or c or d through to z) , or wallow in your own misery about how unfair it all is while the world goes on, indifferently, around you. You can blame other people and the world in general all you like but the harsh truth is that they, and the world, simply do not care, so your anger is wasted and ends up directly inwardly on yourself.
