1. staceylouise
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    staceylouise Active Member

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    Any fellow bipolar out there????

    Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by staceylouise, Feb 18, 2014.

    Asking as I feel so sick and my head is literally racing. My creativity has been BOUNCING these past couple of weeks and escalated from one good idea to 3 and possibly 4 up my sleeve. Now this is I feel a good thing as I enjoy writing, and I do want to be successful someday - even if it's in the form of an ebook. For self satisfaction , possibly recognition for my good writing, and to make my children proud, and also my children do their things like boxing and ballet and I can't work due to my ups and downs and all the in between so writing is good for me, and when I've got the creative juices there I tend to let them flow and keep coming as my writing really shines at this point, so I don't suppress it. But I fear now that it's becoming a little whack. I mean my 4 pieces of work are great as I just pick up the one piece I feel I want to work on depending which characters are speaking to me and what mood I'm in, or I quickly get a scene in my head that's going to happen down the line and I need to work its way in, so I get it down. But my head is really spinning and so bad tonight that actually feel sick. Mind you I have spent over 2 hours trying to figure out how to set up a printer to my chromebook so can print over Google cloud from Google docs, but have had no joy with that so have given up and asked for technical help. But my cpn has just come bk from long term sick leave, and i've just reapplied for my driving licence (was revoked on medical due to episode of mania but I contested and cont to drive anyway - I knew I was safe and wouldn't have otherwise), but it's now expired but as 10 yrs and need new photo too I've had not only re apply for an update with a photo, but for a reevaluation of my medical too. Now my psych wrote a cover note to say I've been stable for the last 3 months - as that was what was required, then she showed me a form which the dvla are likely to send to her to fill in before either issuing me a new licence or turning down my application. So that's a bit more of a hold up in the process, but read on why this is relevant is because if I were to contact cpn or psych an out my head and blah De blah it would be recorded and then I'm not stable, -?????? At the moment I'm classed as being stable but I know that I'm not and it's building, but can't turn anywhere in fear of not getting my license. If I had my new one I might feel better as a new psych so probably wouldn't contact dvla to revoke it, and just advise me not to drive, but with the situation how it stands and with the forms- im in hell :(
     
  2. obsidian_cicatrix
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    obsidian_cicatrix I ink, therefore I am. Contributor

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    Tough one. I gave up driving a decade ago. It wasn't exactly a conscious decision, I let my license lapse but I'm actually happier. I think I knew, deep down, my perception and reaction times were not always all that they could be.

    I do appreciate the dilemma you face. There have been many times when I've been in a position where disclosure has acted against my best interests. That said, I do tend to 'fess up. I get so stressed if I don't.
     
  3. captain kate
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    captain kate Active Member

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    I have it too but then I was born with it. I didn't get the typical mid-twenties diagnosis of symptoms starting within the past few years. So, in some regards I've learned how to keep my wild ideas at bay and focus on one at a time. It's tough even when medicated but I somehow manage it.

    As for driving, I have no problems but I can't speak for everyone.
     
  4. Lewdog
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    Lewdog Come ova here and give me kisses! Supporter Contributor

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    The only times I really worried about driving is when I was on Lithium and it would give me some involuntary nerve ticks. I'm on a different medicine now so I don't have them near as much or as bad.

    Best thing to do during a manic phase is write as much as you can, and go back and edit later when things have settled down.

    If it makes you feel any better, the Earth is bi-polar too. :D
     
  5. Renee J
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    Renee J Contributing Member

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    My mom made my dad stop driving because he would fall asleep at the wheel after staying up during his manic phases. He was fine when he was younger, but I think it got too much when he got in his late sixties. He also tends to not take his medication as much now.
     
  6. Lewdog
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    Lewdog Come ova here and give me kisses! Supporter Contributor

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    I take enough medication to kill a horse. I don't know what stuff you guys are on, but most only work for me a short period of time before the effects wear out.
     
  7. captain kate
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    captain kate Active Member

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    I'm kind of lucky (if you can call it that O.O ) and have Bipolar II, which means I don't get super high manias but deep depressions so I don't have as many issues with being 'high' as much as 'low.'
     
  8. obsidian_cicatrix
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    obsidian_cicatrix I ink, therefore I am. Contributor

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    Nothing, in my case. My liver was taking such a hammering, I made the decision to come off meds a little over ten years ago. I did so completely against advice. The first few years were rough but I know I made the right decision.

    I've had to make a few sacrifices along the way, driving being one of them, but it's been worth it to be able to discriminate which behaviours the meds, as opposed to the condition, were responsible for. (Having two co-morbid conditions doesn't help.) Truth is, I simply got fed up constantly having to have my meds readjusted due to the rapid cycling nature of the condition and trying to work around making a living at the same time. Luckily, I was responsible for working out the rotas and my underlings, bless 'em, were students and needed a degree of flexibility too, so we worked the shift patterns to all our advantages. I was lucky enough to feel able to make full disclosure to that particular employer and, as it turned out, they were very supportive.

    Sad part is that due to being made redundant (after a rather cushy ten years with the same employer,) I'm now looking for another job and the anxiety it's causing is making me think very hard about how I need to proceed. I know the meds are there if I need them, but I'd really not go down that route again unless absolutely necessary.

    One thing I have learned is to never say never.

    And yes, @Lewdog... the ticks, I remember them well. It's a bit scary when reading the guff that accompanies the pills when it tells you that the ticks, (especially the facial ones,) may become a permanent side effect. Involuntary spasms, when it comes to the accelerator pedal, are definitely not to be recommended. ;)
     
  9. staceylouise
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    staceylouise Active Member

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    I've spoken to duty today and just expressed that I was feeling far more creative to the point where last night my head was spinning and I felt sick where it's all just going round in my head, and that I felt the edge, but wasn't quite at any point yet as such or going to extremes. I'm also off of the lithium now and in a few weeks they are going to take me off another of my mood stabilisers - as I was on 3 that potentially did the same thing. They are going to discuss with me which is best for me yo come off of. I think it's lamotragine I'm on, and depakote too. So if I come off yet another drug then surely that will go in my favour. I too have bipolar 2 so don't go mega high - that's why I don't understand why my old psych went behind my back before. My follow on psych had no problems as long as if I felt I couldn't drive then I was sensible and didn't. And now I have this new one. I did mention this today and hope it doesn't affect any chance of getting my licence back as im not actually on a manic or hypomania episode, I just feel on the edge of rising and asking for a little nudge in the downward direction.
     
  10. Jack Asher
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    Jack Asher Wildly experimental Contributor

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    You definitely don't need two mood stabilizers if you're only BpD II. All that's going to do is make you fat.

    I just got off a round of playing with my anti-psychotic, which gave me two months of ups and downs. I've also never had problems driving, or even heard of anyone getting suspended.

    As for the meds, I had one of my psych teachers tell me this story.
    If you go into a psychiatrist and tell them that you've been diagnosed with a mental illness they'll probably start you on several months of therapy, or make sure that you're getting talk treatment, before they start you on meds. But there are two conditions for which they will immediately reach for their prescription pad. Paranoid schizophrenia and bipolar disorder.
     
  11. jazzabel
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    jazzabel Contributing Member Contributor

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    @staceylouise : I totally understand why you're reluctant to lose your licence on medical grounds, but your health is more important than the licence. Your comment sounds like you are having some bipolar symptoms right now, and they won't go away by themselves. I hope you get better soon :)
     
  12. DeviouSquirrel
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    DeviouSquirrel Member

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    I'm really nervous that they'd take away my license if I was open with them about my bipolar. (I'm apparently Bipolar I) I don't usually have any problems driving, though occasionally I'll realise I'm having a day where I'm not focussed enough to drive and ask someone else to drive for me.

    In terms of meds though, I only got diagnosed last year and I can't believe the positive difference it's made. I get scared if I'm a few hours out on taking them, because I feel it right away. It's helped my writing too, as I'm not like WRITEWRITEWRITE then not writing for months. I'm able to do it every day now, which is so much better. It's basically taken away *all* of the depression and just left me with little mania swings. Which is, well, epic. Because little mania = awesome creativity. (Though yes, BIG mania is horrificly bad.)

    I hope you get it sorted, but personally if I really thought that I wasn't safe to drive I just wouldn't do it. I don't need them to take my license off me to be safe, and this way I can drive when I do feel okay and don't do it when I'm not. But right now? Do what you have to do for your health. Anything else can get worked out later. Let us know how you get on!
     
  13. staceylouise
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    staceylouise Active Member

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    Will do guys. I've submitted for a new licence and submitted a covering letter from my psych to say I've been stable for the last 3 months (which is the requirement in this instance), and then my psych will be sent a form - which will probably slow my process down, but she will have to complete it and send it bk before they re - submit it. I'm hoping they will. I do have a review nxt wk and now I'm off the lithium I feel my mood has gone up and my head has been racing on an eve, but I don't feel that I'm actually manic. Plus my psych also knows I'm driving without my licence at mo, but as far as she's concerned she doesn't know anything about it!!! So she is really nice. I think if she thought I was a danger in the car then she would be straight up and honest about it. Mind you, I'd still drive without a licence and then reapply in another 3 months again!!!
     
  14. Lewdog
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    Lewdog Come ova here and give me kisses! Supporter Contributor

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    Have you tried carbamazapine? The regular name is tegretol. It doesn't give you the shakes and it doesn't zone you out.
     
  15. DeviouSquirrel
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    DeviouSquirrel Member

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    The hell it doesn't... I was worse than a zombie with no legs on carbemazepine. Everyone has different side effects to different drugs. Lamotrigine (Lamictal) has virtually cured me of all of my symptoms of depression and a little of my mania, with no side effects what so ever. That doesn't mean that it won't give side effects to others, but if you haven't tried it, might be worth it. :)
     
  16. Lewdog
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    Lewdog Come ova here and give me kisses! Supporter Contributor

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    I'm sitting at 10.4 of the carbamazapine, with 12 being the top amount of the regulated level. I'm not sure what I'm going to do, because I can't take lithium, and if carbamazapine isn't working, there isn't much left.
     
  17. DeviouSquirrel
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    DeviouSquirrel Member

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    I don't know about the numbers you're using, I work in mg... But have you tried Lamictal? Honestly it has turned me into a COMPLETELY different person. It's astounding. There's also risperidone (that didn't agree with me, but apparently it's very good for most people), and Depakote (which can have side effects, and I really didn't get on with it). There really are a million different options for treating bipolar (if you have a good doctor who will try everything to make you better, I guess). It's just the struggle to find one that works for you. I've been on *so* many... But I'm just lucky I found Lamictal and it clicked as soon as I hit 100mg/ day. No depression at all for 6 months, very light mania. It's amazing.

    Good luck finding something that works as well for you.
     
  18. Lewdog
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    Lewdog Come ova here and give me kisses! Supporter Contributor

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    There is a class action lawsuit in the U.S. because Resperdol causes men to get female like breasts. My doctor might change me to Geodone.
     
  19. DeviouSquirrel
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    DeviouSquirrel Member

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    Really? Weird. The doctors here tried desperately to get me to stay on it even when I knew it wasn't working. Never heard of Geodone. But the medicines and stuff are pretty different across the countries I think :)
     
  20. Lewdog
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    Lewdog Come ova here and give me kisses! Supporter Contributor

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  21. DeviouSquirrel
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    DeviouSquirrel Member

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    So it doesn't treat depression, only mania with bipolar? Interesting. How long have you had your diagnosis? It can take years and years to find something that works for you anyway. So don't give up, or say 'there isn't much left' to try. There will be something that clicks for you :)
     
  22. Lewdog
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    Lewdog Come ova here and give me kisses! Supporter Contributor

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    Depression for quite sometime, but Bi-polar for over two years. I also take Cymbalta and Elavil with my Carbamazapine.
     
  23. DeviouSquirrel
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    DeviouSquirrel Member

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    No idea about the drugs apart from carbemazepine, you guys must have different stuff than we do. But I really hope that (if your current concoction isn't working amazing for you) that you manage to keep going and trying stuff till you get there. :) Good lucks. x
     
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  24. Lewdog
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    Lewdog Come ova here and give me kisses! Supporter Contributor

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    Thanks I actually have an appointment tomorrow. :)
     
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  25. Jack Asher
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    Jack Asher Wildly experimental Contributor

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    Be careful with Geodon it can actually cause a manic episode. Information I really wish I'd had when I tried it out. I was up for 34 hours one night and 32 hours two days later.
     
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