1. WriterDude
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    WriterDude Contributing Member Contributor

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    Anyone know creative, absurd ways to kill yourself?

    Discussion in 'General Writing' started by WriterDude, Jun 16, 2011.

    Quick version: My MC tries wants to kill herself (don't worry about why), but just can't seem to make it. She's tried hanging herself, eating sleeping pills, alcohol poisoning, even throwing herself off a roof, yet she is still alive. So if the normal way won't do, it's time to try get creative and let loose the absurdity. So, does anyone know of weird, creative, aburd, stupid, insane or just plain stupid ways to try to kill yourself? So far I've got:

    1. Rolled a wheelchair downhill on a road towards a busy intersection.
    2. Tried to hijack a police car with a banana.
    3. Ate an entire chocolate cake on her own, hoping she could eat until she died. She ate until she threw up instead.
    4. Ran onto a airport runway, hoping a plane would land on her.
    5. Tried to climb the Empire State Building on the outside dressed as a monkey.
    6. Watched the entire Twilight-saga non stop. Twice. (that was a close call, though.)

    Anyone got any more ideas? The weirder, the better.
     
  2. Dante Dases
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    Dante Dases Contributing Member Contributor

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    May I present to you: The Bumper Book of Bunny Suicides!

    That'll give you some ideas.
     
  3. Trish
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    Trish I've been deleted.. again Contributor

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    HAHA! Nice :D

    Ummm.... stormed into a drug house pretending to be a cop

    Jumped into a killer whale tank at Sea World

    Made a big giant ball of yarn, stashed it in her backpack, and went to play with the "kitties" at the zoo.

    Mattress surfing in a mud bog during a drought - without the matress..maybe she could use skis, that would be funny. (for all the non-rednecks - matress surfing in this context entails hooking a mattress to the back of a truck or atv and then the driver navigates through the mud as fast as they can, spraying mud EVERYWHERE while you try to hang on to the mattress.)
     
  4. WriterDude
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    WriterDude Contributing Member Contributor

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    Thanks for the tip. I've read some of it, but it wasn't my kind of humor. Some of those ideas might be useful, though. :)

    Thanks for the ideas! Not sure if running into a drug house pretending to be a cop is weird enough, but I'll keep it in mind. I like the yarn-idea, though I think she might as well wrap the yarn around herself and make herself a ball of yarn. :p
     
  5. Trilby
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    Trilby Contributing Member Contributor

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    Fall from the platform in front of on coming train.

    Oddly enough a couple of years ago, me and my son where sat at the front of an underground train in London, when this happened.
    We felt the bump as the wheels went over something, then we saw the look on the people, on the platform, face's change from relaxed to horror stricken.

    The station was evacuated and closed, there was no explanation given as to why, other than an announcement through the loud speaker '... an incident on platform...

    I take it the person died. The train driver was definitely well shaken.
     
  6. JimFlagg
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    JimFlagg Contributing Member

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    Sounds a lot like "Ground Hog Day". If this person is an immortal then the most common way to kill an immortal is to cut the head off.
     
  7. Deleth
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    Deleth Member

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    Drive a bumper car full speed into a wall

    Drive a real car full speed into a pillow factory

    Stood on tracks to get hit by a train only to have the train go on an alternate track at the last minute.

    Grounded herself to a high voltage power line only to discover the power is off for maintenance a few blocks down the road.

    That's all I got before breakfast.
    (edited for spell fail)
     
  8. SeverinR
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    SeverinR Contributing Member

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    Really there are more then a thousand ways to die.

    They have some strange ones...
    Most strange off the top of my head,
    man made a rubber suit to immitate a meremaid, and died of hyperthermia because of the energy he used trying to get to the water and no way for the heat to be shed.

    One a couple days ago, idiot wanted to immitate the guys on tv surviving in the woods,
    he plucked himself a forest salad, unfortunately he picked major poisonous plants:
    foxglove, oleander, hemlock.
     
  9. Sang Hee
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    Sang Hee Contributing Member

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    Maybe realize the person doesn't really exist and simply disappear?
     
  10. digitig
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    digitig Contributing Member Contributor

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    Have a look at the Darwin Awards. They meet all of your criteria.
     
  11. Daydream
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    Daydream Contributing Member Contributor

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    You had me worrying at first as I saw the title of this thread ><

    You should look at some cartoons like Happy Tree Friends, Lonney Tunes etc.
     
  12. LaGs
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    LaGs Banned

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    May i suggest you grab a sign that says 'I hate niggers' and walk right into the middle of Harlem.
     
  13. Protar
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    Protar Active Member

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    How many projects have you got going writerdude? a lot it would seem. Anyway why don't they flood their work place with a deadly neurotoxin and then run around loads to speed up the effects of the deadly neurotoxin?
     
  14. LaGs
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    LaGs Banned

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    By the way, that suggestion I made was not written by me. You know....just....don't shoot the messenger. I LOVE ALL GOD'S CHILDREN
     
  15. Trish
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    Trish I've been deleted.. again Contributor

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    LOL... definitely a creative (and almost sure) way to die.

    I would certainly hope no one would think it was a personal statement of your beliefs.....
     
  16. WriterDude
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    WriterDude Contributing Member Contributor

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    Thanks for the advice, everyone. It's not that hard to find a way to kill yourself, but I want to go for all the weird, crazy, insane, absurd ways no one has bothered to try. I could of course watch a jew Jackass-episodes (or similar shows like The Dudesons or Dirty Sanchez), but I want even crazier than that. Those idiots at least try to survive. The MC in my story tries to kill herself. And no, she's not immortal or anything like that. She's a regular person who has failed in pretty much everything. She eventually gave up hope and tries to kill herself, but she can't even do that. The idea is turn a tragedy into a comedy. I know suicide is a serious issue and all that, but that doesn't mean you can't have fun with it. :)

    @LaGs: She is caucasian btw, if anyone wonders. Anyway, I was considering having her rub shoepolish all over her face and hands, then walk into a KKK-meeting while singing a Cypress Hill-song. :D It might be a bit racists, though.

    @Protar: How many projects I have? Not sure, to be honest. Six, seven, or so. Maybe ten. Although if you mean how many I am activly writing, it's just one. But there's nothing wrong planning other projects while writing another. ;)
     
  17. hiddennovelist
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    Get some cheese wire and hang it from the ceiling. Tie it in a noose, slip that around your neck, and then superglue your hands to your face. Proceed the same way you would if you were hanging yourself. If successful, the cheese wire will cut your head off, and then people arriving at the crime scene will think you ripped your own head off.
     
  18. Sundae
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    Sundae Contributing Member

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    Watch 1000 ways you can die. It's a show that airs on SPIKE Channel here in the U.S.

    It's really a great show, all stories are true stories and based on actual events - just re-enacted with a dramatic flare, but they're all pretty absurd and outrageous.

    Some that I can think of the top of my head:

    1) Modern day samurais who "fought to death" using real samurai swords. These two guys put on protective gear, armed themselves with real weapons, and each both got in a car driven by their friends. Starting out on opposite sides they hung out of the car window and attempted to "joust" their opponent out of the car using the swords. << one guy got beheaded.

    2) A Chinese couple who couldn't consummate their marriage for various reasons decided to just do it one day. They both died from an orgasm because their heart couldn't handle the increased heart rate or something.

    3) A man falling on his own pitchfork. Apparently, he fell just the right way that he pierced his mouth from the bottom and he died from chocking on his own blood.

    4) A girl who was addicted to energy drinks consumed about eight of them in a matter of an hour. Well she got in an altercation with her boss that made her so angry, that she decided to tell him off. So she slams into her boss's office and starts screaming - this made her heart rate increase. Well, combine that with the amount energy she drank, it speed up her heart so much that it was equivalent to her hear heart exploding in her chest. She had a heart attack and she was like 22.

    There are many, many more crazy ones and they all actually happened that way or theorized to have happened that way.
     
  19. Patrick94
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    Patrick94 Active Member

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    Email the Jackass crew
     
  20. Sundae
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    Sundae Contributing Member

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    lmao.
     
  21. ScaryMonster
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    ScaryMonster Active Member

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    Self Crucifixion is a good one but how would he get in that last nail?
     
  22. Trish
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    Trish I've been deleted.. again Contributor

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    That would be how she fails..... again.
     
  23. Daydream
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    Lol! This would deffo be your best bet!
     
  24. WriterDude
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    WriterDude Contributing Member Contributor

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    You do realize we've reached the third page in only six hours? I hope that's a good thing. :D

    But thanks for the suggestions, and please keep 'em coming. And as for hte Jackass-crew, anyone got their e-mail address? It wouldn't hurt to ask. In worst case, they'll try some of your suggestions in Jackass 4. :p
     
  25. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    Google Darwin Award
     

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