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  1. Frost
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    Frost Contributing Member

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    Are YOU shy and want to kick the habit?

    Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Frost, Dec 11, 2007.

    Then you've come to the right place.

    In the Introvert/Extrovert thread, I noticed that a large majority of people voted themselves as Introverted. Now there's nothing wrong with 'Me time' but when 'Me time' and 'All the time' mix, there's something that's not right. Of course, if you're happy with that, so be it, but you really need to be sure you're happy with it - no room for denial here. If you're not happy with it, read on.

    Why are you introverted? If it's because of your past or whatever, so be it. If you want friends there are lots of things you need to do. But the first one is to be confident. And confidence stems from all sorts of places. All of us here are writers - are we confident enough to show/read out our work in public? I am. I do it all the time. Praise is a good thing for confidence, even from family. Especially from family!

    But you can't suddenly wake up one day and decide "I will be confident!". If you can, you're very lucky. You need to work towards it. Start by being confident and sociable on the internet/msn. Not very hard. In fact, if you're not confident on here, you need to see a professional. Move on to being confident enough to talk with people on the phone. Again not very hard. Then move on to personal one on one and small group situations. Then larger group situations, until eventually, you can walk into a room of people you don't know and sit down and make conversation with them.

    Still, that sort of confidence doesn't come from no where. And what makes up a large portion of confidence? Appearance! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. This doesn't mean you have to be good looking though, it just means you have to take a little pride in how you look. Do you're hair in the mornings. If you currently have no style in your hair, get someone to style it. Go to a good hairdresser and get some sort of latest fashion. Take the time to do it. Wear clothing that fits you well and accentuates your good features, and detracts from the bad. For example, if you're a guy with bad skin around the chin area (as I am :p) grow sideburns and wear collared shirts when you go out, and put the collar up. It hides the skin a bit, and if you have a nice shirt on, takes away the attention. Especially if you're resonably athletic and the shirt is tight. Like me. If you're a girl with perhaps a small bust but nice curvy hips, wear a dress with black tights beneath it, and a large belt around your waist to push up your bust (as well as a push up bra obviously), which makes your chest region look larger but also accentuates your hips. Also, if you 'carry weight' around the midsection and aren't to happy with it, a belt is a great way to cover that up.

    There are hundreds of ways you can gain confidence, all you need is patience. Good luck :)

    Note: If you're an introvert and don't care/are happy with that/don't want a life don't comment. :)
     
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  2. Lemex
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    Lemex That's Lord Lemex to you. Contributor

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    No, I don't want to change, some of the best writers and thinkers are utter arse-holes.
    And for me, I havn't the confidance in myself to change.
     
  3. Frost
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    Frost Contributing Member

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    If you don't want to change, that's your choice. All Im trying to do is help people who do.
     
  4. Eoz Eanj
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    Eoz Eanj Contributing Member Contributor

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    Oh Frost

    Your such inspirational-speaker material.

    lol.
     
  5. Frost
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    Frost Contributing Member

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    Yes, thank you.

    I often think so myself :p
     
  6. Lemex
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    Lemex That's Lord Lemex to you. Contributor

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    I didn't mean to offend I thought you where just asking a question.
     
  7. lessa
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    lessa Contributing Member

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    Frost.
    I can accomplish more things on the phone from appts. to telling an idiot he is an idiot.
    I can stand on stage and either act or sing solos.
    I can go to a conference of hundreds of people and actually tell the premeir of the province off. Nicely but still I did it.
    Put me back in town where I know people and have to see them everyday and know how they gossip then I try to behave and do all the right things. This is when I am an introvert.
    Strangers don't intimidate me but acquaintances do.
    yes I have been told I am totally strange. but that is who and what I am.
    I have tried to change and that is why I can go to conferences.
    I have always been good on the phone grew up with business's run from home so had to do it at an early age.
    But seeing the person scares the bejeezus out of me and I start to stammer.
    You can change but it sure takes one heck of a long time.
     
  8. Frost
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    Frost Contributing Member

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    Indeed it does. I didn't say it wouldnt. Obviously, this is the tip of the iceburg. Forgive me for caring.

    Lemex: none taken, I probably came off a little harsh at you.
     
  9. Lemex
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    Lemex That's Lord Lemex to you. Contributor

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    Lol don't worry about it :)
     
  10. lessa
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    lessa Contributing Member

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    Frost I like your attitude. I am one who is trying desperately to change. I started out as soon as I could talk talking to anyone and anything who stopped long enough to listen and even if they didn't.
    Then as I got older and told to be quiet, not interested, don't be an idiot, the extrovert ran and hid.
    At 20 life changed and since then I have worked so hard at coming out of hiding it is scarey.
    I still hide sometimes but I am slowly coming back into the world.
    I think this subject should really be taken up more in the mainstream. It might help people who do want to change but don't know how.
     
  11. Eoz Eanj
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    Eoz Eanj Contributing Member Contributor

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    Don't worry, be happy

    I wish I could take credit for such a quote!
     
  12. Good_writer
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    Good_writer Banned

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    I have already changed. It took two years.
     
  13. Frost
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    Frost Contributing Member

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    That's a long time.

    I'm lucky. Im naturally extroverted. I rely on social contact. I get bored so easily.

    But alot of people dont and that's the problem.
     
  14. lessa
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    lessa Contributing Member

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    2 years is not a long time for changing.
    I am still working on it. been trying since I was 20 and I am now well lets just say 30 years older.
    It has taken my husband and my two kids to give me the confidence I needed to get this far.
     
  15. Bluemouth
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    Bluemouth Contributing Member Contributor

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    Uh ... it's a problem to you maybe, but not to many other people. I don't think anyone needs to change if they don't want to, and you've just stated that being introverted is a negative factor of life.
     
  16. Eoz Eanj
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    Eoz Eanj Contributing Member Contributor

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    I agree with Bluemouth

    If you're happy and the people you interact with are happy, then why the need to change?
     
  17. Domoviye
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    YouTube - Bobby Mcferrin - Don't Worry, Be Happy
    Either the song where the quote originally came from, or when it became very well known. Good song to.

    Now, as long as you can be happy it doesn't matter if you're an extrovert or an introvert. But if you honestly can't say you're happy close to half of the time, then you've got problems, and should try to change it.
    If you want to change, Frost's ideas are pretty good. Whenever I start feeling depressed, I begin dressing my best. I'm not about to let the world see how down I am if I can help it. And it honestly does boost my enthusiasm. In most people it does unless they're suffering some actual depression.
    If you don't want to change, and are happy how you are, good for you. Keep going, you must be doing something right.
    Cheers everyone, I'm about to go happily to bed.
     
  18. Torana
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    Torana Contributing Member Contributor

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    I have been spending the last 2 years of my life trying to change and I made the biggest step by ending my relationship that caused me to be EXTREMELY introverted.
    It is not something that happens over night and I know it will take a long time for me due to past experiences. But I don't want to be a complete extrovert. I am happy with who I am to be honest, but I am also willing and wanting to make some changes to my lfife.

    The thread certainly is a great thing Frost and I don't think that people should take offence by the things that he has said either. He didn't mean them to be and it is easily seen that he hasn't.
     
  19. SeaBreeze
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    SeaBreeze Banned

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    I'm shy around people I don't know very well but around my friends I'm insane.

    So in relation to 'kicking the habit' style topic. No, I am wuite happy the way I am. Besides, I refuse to allow myself to be a public target for humiliation.
     
  20. Torana
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    Torana Contributing Member Contributor

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    heh I don't care about humiliation at all really. I give everyone a reason to laugh and I am good at it. If you ever heard the music coming out of my car you'd understand lol
     
  21. Sayso
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    Sayso Contributing Member

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    I used to be fairly extroverted but this year I've gone completely the other way around. I don't think there's anything wrong with being either way so long as you're happy in yourself.

    In reading this I laughed when I got to the point that said if you can't post work on here then you need professional help. My works is almost non-existant at the moment and what I do manage to write I certainly would feel too embarrassed to put on here. Do I need professional help? Not quite yet but I'm working on it. ;)

    Thanks for the thread though Frost. I really appreciate the sentiment behind it.

    Sometimes though, us introverts are this way for a reason and as selfish as it may sound, those reasons have their place in our lives in that we do need to look inside. In time we may come out of ourselves again, or maybe not, but so long as we're happy like that then it's all good.
    Am I happy as I am at the moment? Not a chance. Never felt so low as I have these past few months, but I know that it will change again...............someday.










    Over the rainbow.












    xxx
     
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  22. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    Change is good. But folding currency is even better.

    Please send to:
    ...
     
  23. ANT (Bar YOSEF)
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    ANT (Bar YOSEF) Contributing Member

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    Im a little of both. Sometimes I don't go out with friends because i cant be arsed, but other times im just as insane as them wen were out and at college.
     
  24. The Freshmaker
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    The Freshmaker <insert obscure pop culture reference> Contributor

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    I used to be horribly, painfully shy. Honestly, I had no friends up through tenth grade. I went to a private school, and I used to eat lunch in the campus pastor's office to avoid the awkwardness of sitting at a table by myself.

    Junior year, I was homeschooled and horribly depressed. I decided I wanted to change, so I convinced my father to let me move to St. Petersburg to live with my mother. I got into public school.

    My first couple weeks at public school were terrifying, mostly because I refused to let myself stay in my shell. I made myself talk to people in my classes, I forced myself to join the drama club, and I convinced myself to invite people over to my house to hang out. It was really difficult. But it taught me a lot. And I'm a much better person for it.

    It's all about a little will power and false confidence.
     
  25. Frost
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    Frost Contributing Member

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    All: In no way have I said "IF YOU ARE INTROVERTED YOU MUST CHANGE! READ HERE!"
    All I have said, is if you want to change, let me try help you.

    Freshmaker: Pretty much exactly what I'm trying to get accross, but with much less words.

    Sayso: The comment about professional help was more or less tongue-in-cheek. I didnt mean it seriously man :)
     
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