1. cracksinthesky
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    cracksinthesky New Member

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    Arguments

    Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by cracksinthesky, Jan 22, 2009.

    I got into an argument with my Dad today during lunch. My brother had been sending me texts all morning chewing me out for leaving the bathroom a slight mess - (I say "slight" because my brother made it seem like I'd thrashed the place when in reality all I did was leave my straightener and some towels out.) My Dad told me that I should consider cleaning up after myself more, and I told him that I would, not because it bothered me to be messy, but because it bothered him.

    He went on about how that made me a low-life, and, hey, maybe it does. All I know is that when my room is messy I feel at home, and when it's clean I feel fine, too. I could care less either way. I don't like trash in my room but having things strewn about seems normal.

    I just wanted to ask what you think about it - do you prefer to be organized and neat, or do you enjoy some organized chaos instead? I, personally, like sifting through things and logically telling myself that if I do make my bed it's just going to get messed up again in twelve hours so, why bother?

    Perhaps it is plain laziness. Discuss.
     
  2. Rei
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    Rei Contributing Member Contributor

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    Being comfortable in clutter simply says you're a teenager, nothing more. Your father and brother were the ones who were out of line in this case. What's the big deal about leaving a few things out? And honestly, what kind of father would call their child a low-life?
     
  3. Shadow Dragon
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    Shadow Dragon Contributing Member Contributor

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    I definetely prefer organized chaos. As long as I know where everything is at, it's neat enough. Your father and brother sound like complete neat freaks.
     
  4. Carmina
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    Carmina Contributing Member Contributor

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    It seems to me that your father over-reacted to a little clutter. While you live at home, you have to follow the rules, but once you get out on your own...clutter all you want. I don't think being comfortable with clutter is limited to teenagers. I am 30 and can't remember the last time my house was 100% clean. I don't make the bed in the morning. The public areas in the house are regularly cleaned, but my office and the bedroom are a mess. Sometimes it gets to me, but when it is too clean, I can't find anything.
     
  5. cracksinthesky
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    cracksinthesky New Member

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    Well, my Dad has a pretty strong vocabulary when it comes to his kids. My Mother was "white trash" and he thinks it might be genetic based on the way we prefer to live our lives. I've come to accept that about my Dad, he doesn't really mean anything by it.

    I've tried explaining to him that many people my age have messy rooms but he insists that it makes me a pig, and again, "white trash".

    My brother used to be a normal kid like me when it came to housework, but he's learned that if he cleans up things he has more to hold over everyone else. I swear he does it just so he can complain about something, but that's my sisterly opinion on it. I understand that it's unfair for my brother to do most of the housework, but he just does it. Then we became used to him just doing it and he gets upset if we don't automatically go to wash the dishes at the end of the night.

    I explained to my Dad that if Christopher (my brother) were to ask nicely instead of whining I would gladly help him out, but my Dad thinks that I should "just do it without thinking". I tried once AGAIN to explain to him that I just don't think that way, I don't naturally tell myself to pick something up once I've used it, and he gets upset all over again. It's endless.

    I am going to try to clean up more, for sure, but it's not going to change the fact that I DON'T CARE if something is messy. My Dad thinks it's a sign of personal disrespect towards him and my brother thinks it makes him a better person than me, somehow. I'm just frustrated and relieved that I'm not crazy. :)
     
  6. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    When I was married, my wife was, to put it bluntly, a bit of a slob. The laundry would sit in the dryer until te dryer was needed for a fresh washload, the bed was never made, and I would always come home to a sinkful of dishes that needed to be washed in order to make that night's dinner. Furthermore, if I were to go ahead and fold the laudry or make the bed, I'd be accused of 'criticizing her housekeeping."

    I'm not a neatnik. I have stacks of books on most horizontal surfaces, and oter kinds of clutter. But since my divorce, it has become a point of independence for me to make the bed before I even step into the shower, to fold and put away laundry as soon as it is dry, and to always clean and put away dishes at the end of a meal.
     
  7. Carmina
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    Carmina Contributing Member Contributor

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    Good thing you aren't married to me Cogito. I would drive you nuts!
     
  8. Leaka
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    Leaka Creative Mettle

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    I'm neat and messy.
    It's like my messy side argues with my neat side.
    Usually when there is something on the counter that I need to throw away..I throw it away immediately. [My momma and papa don't believe me on this, but it's true]
    But there are times when I don't pick up what I need to throw away and that is simply because I have to do something before throwing the garbage away.
    Such as like if I took a shower and left snot rags on the bathroom counter, I have to get dressed before I can throw the snot rags away. But then something else comes up and I have to go do something else. And I end up forgetting I left something on the counter either remembering it later and going to throw it away the moment I remember. Or finding out someone threw it away for me. And that is when my parents call me lazy and when I tell them I forgot about they don't believe me.

    I also like my papers in little neat stacks, sometimes they aren't that neat.
    My momma tells me to clean my computer desk because it has so many papers on it, but I find it a bit hypocritical of them.
    Their computer desk aren't clean, have papers on them, etc.

    So yeah my messy and neat side have big fussy arguments of what I am suppose to be doing.
     
  9. SonnehLee
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    SonnehLee Contributing Member Contributor

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    I empathize with you completely on this one, Sky. (I say Sky, because I can't call you "crack" without giggling, and I don't want to type it all out.) My family is the same way, and I just don't understand it. I just get very annoyed when they "clean" something for me, and I can't find anything anymore.
     
  10. RomanticRose
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    RomanticRose Active Member

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    I'm a complete neat freak. The spousal unit sometimes accuses me of being obsessive compulsive about it. It doesn't control my life, though. I simply function better when things are tidy and organized around me. If I decide I want to work on the article on self-seeding annuals, I want to put my hand on the folder immediately -- not go through miscellaneous stacks to find it, like some husbands I could mention.

    We're gradually learning to live and let live. And I can do it as long as I don't have to share a bathroom or an office with the man.
     
  11. EmmVeePi
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    EmmVeePi Member

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    I dont think anyone was out of line here, matter of opinions and while you live in someones house it is their opinion that counts.

    "organized chaos" is not possible, the term I always use is Functional Chaos.
     
  12. tehuti88
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    tehuti88 Contributing Member

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    I like neatness and order (because I have lots of stuff and it's easier to find that way, plus things just look nicer), BUT, also since I have lots of stuff, I'm very unfortunately messy. I have OCD, but various kinds--I like sorting and ordering but my hoarding overrides that. :(

    If I had space to put my stuff, then surely I'd learn to be neat.
     
  13. Gannon
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    Gannon Contributing Member Contributor

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    I'm regimentally orderly and a keen proponent of everything having a place (out of sight) and questioning when something is out of place. I annoys me terribly when that order is messed, but I realise this makes me difficult, so rather than argue I tend to resolve the issue manually by putting the item where I believe it should be, not crucially where someone else might believe it should be.

    Everyone is different and we must be tolerent, but there again is always a line that oughn't be crossed. That point of no return is quickly learnt and a respectful relationship will rarely cross the line.
     
  14. Rei
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    Rei Contributing Member Contributor

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    It's not what their opinions were that made him out of line. It was the fact that he called his own daughter a low-life for doing something that nearly every teenager does.
     
  15. Torana
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    Torana Contributing Member Contributor

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    I have 2 kids... I live in a organized chaos. They organize to cause chaos, and i just have to live in it...

    As for the bed... I believe that if it were comfy when I got out, it'll be comfy when i get back in. :p I only make my bed when it gets uncomfortable, but mostly cause I'm so busy running around after the destructo duo, that it's just easier to find short cuts and bed making ain't a huge deal as I'm the only one who sees my bed.
     
  16. Heather Louise
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    Heather Louise Contributing Member Contributor

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    I am so lazy and my room constantly gets messy, and when it does, I leave it normally. But after some bad .... converdations with my parents over the last few weeks, they have said if I want to continue living here throughout collage (which it turns out isn't actually optional, I have to), then I have to tidy my room. So I spent seven hours last Sunday making it spotless, and I love it.
    I'm sorta, obsessive about thing being neat and straight and covered etc, and I could never relax in my room. I re-aranged everything so the karma flow is fresh again, so I love it being tidy.
     
  17. Carmina
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    Carmina Contributing Member Contributor

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    I have OCD which actually makes housekeeping problematic. There are certain things I just can't touch...like dirty dishes. And things I have to psych myself up for touch like wet laundry and wet floors (like mopping). My shrink called it "fear of contamination." So, while I am disgusted by mess...I have a hard time going near enough to it to clean it. I can also spend an hour crawling on my hands and knees brushing dog hair off the rug and couch. So...It is diffuicult toi keep the house tip top. And I just don't like making the bed. :)
     
  18. Shadow Dragon
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    Shadow Dragon Contributing Member Contributor

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    Making the bed thing is something I've never really understood. You're the only one that uses it, and it's going to get messed up again every night. It just seems like a waste of time to make it every morning, particularly when you won't even look at the bed again during the day. It seems like the only reason people make it is, "Just because," which to me isn't a good enough reason. Or maybe I'm just over-thinking it? :p
     
  19. Jack
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    Jack Contributing Member

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    We all need to have some 'balance' in our lives. One part perfect (or close to perfect) and other part imperfect. Example, your room may be messy at times, but eventually you'll clean it up and it will look 'new' again. The truth is that no one on this earth is perfect, even robots aren't perfect. (Well pretty much close to it). The point is... that some people are neat freaks, some people are messy freaks and some people are both. Humans are typically ranged in the both category. Besides... everyone on this planet are 'unique' and therefore they'll have different opinions, thoughts and expressions etc.
     

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