Bad Jokes and Puns

No, it's a problem of context. Marta dropped her mallet and then said "I broke a nail." So I'm already imagining someone hammering something. Also i don't get how wielding a mallet could cause her to break a nail. If she'd hit her finger with the mallet, she'd be in too much pain to care about nails.

Personally I'd just have Marta suddenly yelp, "my nail! "

 

Why did the lonely housewife get drunk and hire a carpenter?
Well since she was hammered, she might as well get nailed.

 

The internationally recognised lunatic asylum induction test:

You, the patient, face a room.

This room room contains a bath filled to the brim with warm water. There are two doctors watching, and a bucket, a cup, and a tea spoon on the shelf. How do you best empty this bath of water?

 

Take off your cloths and jump in, only a crazy person would waste warm water.

 

'Welcome to your new home, @Chained . You have a lovely white sheet on your bed aside Rosemary and her rosary, mmm.'

'Heh heh heh.'

 

Try to drown the doctors in it because YOU CAN'T TAKE ME ALIVE!

 

'Certainly, and ward three for @Oscar Leigh. We have long-standing treatments for your "hysteria," young man.'
..

@Apols mate

[A Victorian wanking joke, I will dig out the reference]

 

I'd say the thing i like most about this place is how they let patients assign rooms.

 

I think it's more case-by-case basis than actual choice, but you keep believing that. (Pats you on the head) You keep believing that.

 

I think I'd just pull the plug on the drain.

 

There was a coffee bean roaster who had to travel a long distance for more beans. To get there he had to cover a lot of grounds.

 

That must have bean exhausting, sometimes i really hate the daily grind.

 

Well she had an itch that needed a scratch. So she hired a carpet layer. (All the cheese)(Never happens in reality though.)

 

Two bad puns:

It's hard to explain puns to a kleptomaniac.
They always take things literally.

I keep getting emails from the furniture store trying to get me to come back.
But I just wanted one night stand.

One vulgar joke:

What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
About 45 minutes.

 

Why are accountants bad cooks?
Cause they are always cooking books.

 

Its a terrible habit, got my accountant banned from the library.

 

There's no account for that...

 

It was a dark chapter in his life, chapter 7 to be precise.

 

That can be a deadly chapter. I heard that once chapter 7 eight 9... ( ok that was a really bad one)

 

Frat Boy 1: So Barbie is out of town.

Frat Boy 2:Yeah, so what are you gonna do?

Frat Boy 1: I am planning a little panty raid.

 

A man broke out in sweat after having witnessed two other men kissing for the first time in his life. The two men notice and ask him to join. His reply?

"I'm sorry but you're mistaken; I was shaken, not stirred."

 

The most soothing song I have ever heard, it will put you to sleep if you are not careful.

 

The farmers horse got sick, so his fellow neighbor told him to give it a shot.
If it is not better by tomorrow he will shoot it again.

 

lol, if I wanted to tell the truth I would talk about being in the peculiar pub one night and my friend talking to a girl about euthanasia and me really thinking he was saying youth in asia and me being drunk and blurting out to them "yeah, what is up with those chinese kids"